Friday, August 28, 2009

Ohh my my my

EL is kicking me up and down Manhattan and out to NJ. I feel like I am in emotional pain. Still no AF, although the doc thinks it will show up tomorrow. PLEASE. I am consumed by emotions at the moment. Super focused on getting through or to the bit where I know if its worked. I feel myself slipping into a tunnel - excluding DH and everyone else. I guess this is survival mode.

It's my birthday this weekend. Wish I was less EL'd. I am meeting a group tonight to celebrate and DH and I have diner on Saturday. I want this to be my last baby-less birthday. I am meant to be a mum. It's who I am. I want to be a mum with a birthday. I don't want to be barren women with a birthday.

Ohhhh. Am I in a pity pit!

OK, here I go ... trying to climb out. Things to alleviate the crappy self pity....

I had a bath with all the lovelies that my DH got me - wow!! Amazing, super and slept like a baby afterwards. I am doing that again tonight.

In my attempt to not lose weight I have gained about 5 pounds this week!! Should be freaking out but I am not. It's just part of the journey.

It's Friday. 'Nuff said.

My cat is getting better. She is down to half meds and a check up on the 9th. Tube out soon after if all is well. And she is super cute. Follows me around like a little black furry chick.

How are you doing?


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6 comments:

  1. Kara's MomAugust 28, 2009 at 6:43 PM

    Me too - I don't want another birthday without a baby. A barren woman celebrating her birthday is not pretty. We were meant to be moms, and we will be. Don't let the EL get you down. xxoo

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  2. KateAugust 28, 2009 at 9:41 PM

    FUCKING lupron, so sorry love,
    and Happy birthday!!!

    You'll be a mom soon, I know it. You just will. AF will come tomorrow (damn her)because you will wear your favorite undies and white slacks.

    EB, truly, happy happy birthday-- I hope you escape the evil clutches of lupron enough to enjoy it.

    And your DH is such a love with your bath treats!

    XOX
    Kate

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  3. Mad HatterAugust 28, 2009 at 10:00 PM

    Best wishes for your last birthday sans bebe, my friend! Sorry for all the medicated emotional turmoil - I hope you can have a wonderful weekend despite it!! XOXO

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  4. Best When Used ByAugust 28, 2009 at 10:06 PM

    I hope you are able to enjoy your birthday this weekend and force EL out of your head for a while. May your best gift THIS birthday be AF, and your best gift next year - baby kisses. So glad that kitty is doing so well, following you around like a little chick. As for your weight, I think it's just sorting itself out...I bet you didn't really gain 5 pounds in a week. I'm so glad I'm at a NEW job where the people don't know how I used to look, so they can't say, "Wow, you've really gained some weight, eh?" To them, this chubby me is normal. As are my gray temples! Happy Birthday, EB. I hope your dreams come true.

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  5. AnonymousAugust 29, 2009 at 1:17 AM

    Happy Birthday - this week was mine too! Hope you do something fun and completely unrelated to EL and AF (although I hope she shows during your fun). Probably the impending "visit" is adding to you emotional state!

    I really understand the desire to just get through the cycle already, and find out if it worked! Right now I'm so frustrated at not being able to DO anything...but you are in the midst of it, and soon you will know! Good luck -

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  6. ElizabethAugust 29, 2009 at 1:19 AM

    Happy, happy birthday and many very happy returns of the day. I hope for you that next year you will be telling DH that all you want for your birthday is 15 minutes to yourself to take a shower and more than 4 hours of sleep in a row. Love to you,
    Elizabeth

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