Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Waiting to get a cab this morning, hand in the air, scouring the horizon for those speedy yellow death traps and a cop car pulls up next to me and without warning flashes his light and sounds his siren. I mean, this car was right next to me, door to hip.

I am surprised I didn't drop my monkeys there and then.

He was all "I'm a NY cop" attitude when I looked at him. No word of apology, no recognition that he had just noise blasted a highly pregnant women. He had targeted the disabled driver of the van I was standing in front of. What a twat!!!

So I got his number. I phoned in the complaint under 'serious health threat' (ex-boyfriend was a NY cop and he told me what to write) and whilst I know nothing will happen, it does get recorded to be used against him if needed. I hope the guy get piles from sitting on his fat cop arse in his loud cop car

ok, feeling better now

thank you for listening.

normal service will resume next post.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Raining and pouring ...

The shower was SO MUCH FUN!!! We had it at a french cafe on 11th and Broadway, great coffee and naughty food for everyone.

There was a terrific turn out and everyone was generous and thoughtful in their gift giving. We got lots of the little onesie's things and socks and hats etc. We got a big furry lady bug and bumblebee which will be favourites for years, I can just tell. We got a puj tub (new baby bath design) and a soothing chair.
Then there were the creative presents. One of our friends is a writer. He dedicated on of his published poems to our kids and framed it for us (of course, I burst into tears). My dear baker friend made two cakes - a ginger cake and malt chocolate cake - and cut them into bite size bits!!! YUMMMMMMMMY.

There are times when the generosity of others, the love and attention of family is just overwhelming. No-one at the table was technically related to either one of us (somewhat fitting for donor babies) but they are all aunts and uncles to our little ones.

I am so happy and blessed and grateful for what has been given to us. Not the presents, but the kids and all the love that goes along with them.

DH shed a tear, totally overwhelmed by love. I said "get used to it" and started planning our first thanksgiving meal with the kids and the non bio family!!

HAve a happy weekend :-)

Thursday, June 24, 2010

30 weeks and a belly shot

So here I am at 30 weeks. Please note that my ass is equidistant from my core. My ass is the same size as my damn belly!!!!!
Looks like we have a baby nurse and we have our shower on Saturday morning. So far we have received a lovely changing table, a swing seat and some cute clothing.

How excited can one women get about her two little monkeys?? WAY TO EXCITED!!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

belly belly

I went to a diner for lunch and couldn't fit around the chair at the counter - my belly was just too big!!! I got a free plate of fries coz the guys were laughing so hard at me!!

Good job I have a fine sense of humour!

Monday, June 21, 2010

just when you thought it was safe...

...to stuff your gob full of big foods - heartburn returns to kick your greedy ass. I was actually worried about the no heartburn situation over the past few days. Of course, I have been eating smaller, healthier meals and lo! and behold I was heartburn free.
Today, I am crazy at work and didn't get to eat lunch till 2.30pm and all I could get my hands on was pasta filled with cheese in a cheese sauce. And yes, I have heartburn again.

I guess the carbo loading I just did is not going to help my fatigue!! Which is a little extreme at the moment. I told my colleague to expect me out on maternity leave at the end of July (I am going to use some of my vacation time before the C-section). It is amazing that three weeks ago I could have run up a mountain and today I need to close my eyes and sleep like .... I am growing two babies at once :-)

Sunday, June 20, 2010


We have bought the cribs, stroller and got a registry together but there isn't that much stuff actually in the apartment. The cribs and stroller will be delivered in July and the rest of the gear we will order once the shower is over next weekend.

Today that all changed

I went to Di,apers.com and ordered about 500 diapers to be delivered on Tuesday.

It feels like I am being risky! It feels like I am tempting fate and need to back off. I feels like we are going to be sinking most of our disposable income into diapers for the next year or so!!!!

All we really need now are the bambino's.

I spoke to DH finally about his debbie downer routine. I told him I missed laughing with him, I missed his dreadful sense of humour and his truly awful jokes. I told him that once we are back from the hospital it is 100% his responsibility to help me avoid getting depressed and overwhelmed. He was wonderful. There were tears, of course, but then there was lots of laughter. We met for lunch today (he works on Sundays) and he was still funny and smiling.

I am so lucky to have found this man, so lucky to be important to him and to feel the same way about him.

C'mon monkeys, grow big and healthy so we can all hang out together.

Friday, June 18, 2010

fear and loathing in NYC

My fat cat gets fed twice a day. 1/4 cup at 6pm and 1/4 cup at 6am. I tend to do the am feed. So this morning I go in and feed her, sit on the loo and come face to face with the worst of all things... a cockroach.

Now I am not afraid of many things. I have fears (such as my kids getting hurt or DH being harmed etc) but I am not irrationally afraid of those things. I do have an irrational fear of those loathsome little shits - cockroaches. Since I moved into this apartment, 3 years ago, we have had only 1. It was a monster (I think they are referred to as water bugs) and I cried for 4 hours after seeing it. This morning's interloper was not so big. I still screamed. I still worried if I was gonna puke and in the end I decided "i can deal with this".

I got the windex (as instructed by husband some time ago) and sprayed the creepy little sod. It still squirmed and all but I managed to get the paper towels on top of it. I tried picking it up and it scampered away shooting out from under the paper. Hell I let out a scream! Then I grabbed the windex, threw the paper towels on top of it and battered it to death, screaming all the way.

I had done it. I had beaten the disgusting little offense and taken a huge step towards overcoming a serious and embarrassing phobia.

I think I got my strength from my little monkeys. They were cheering me on all the way!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Weight Issue @29 weeks (update)

+++ update: cervix is still 2.70, not great but not terrible++++

I weighed myself this morning and got a shock. Now, I have eaten chocolate and cake and milk shakes etc so I have no excuses. I shall be more conscious about eating 'good' foods even tho the idea of salad turns my stomach!

I'm wondering if some of the weight was gas. No seriously. Yesterday for lunch I made a strategic blunder - egg salad sandwich and lentil soup. Oh yes, my friends, I suffered. I am not prone to gas but about 4 o'clock I was tooting away!! I couldn't keep the gas under control - it was ridiculous and quite painful. Thank goodness it was mostly conference calls.

THings are better today and I shall weigh myself again tomorrow to see if I have lost any toot weight. In total, according to this mornings dreadful count, I am at 28.4 pounds. It doesn't sound much for a twin pregnancy but I am supposed to have a total count (at 38 weeks) of about 30 - 35 pounds. I am supposed to have only gained 19 pounds by now. oooooops.

It's tricky though, isn't it. I want to eat to get my guys to be big and strong. The docs are saying eat, don't diet, BUT don't put on more than a pound a week. I shall cut out or down on the 'bad foods' and increase the good stuff and see how that goes. Besides, sugar gives me serious heartburn now - viscous shooting acid, like in a sci fi film.

I am having another cervix check today coz it had shrunk so much last week. Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Pipped to the post

After all your great comments and support I decided to show my last post to DH. I texted that we should meet at our local food place (great burgers mmm) and I thought I would pull it up on my phone and ask him to read it.
When I got there he looked so sad and a little pale.
"Give me a kiss, quick" he muttered.
Turned out that he had made a mistake at work and it had deeply affected him. He teared up in the diner.A couple of times. He said he hates making mistakes, what if he loses his job etc.

Decided not to bring up my post!!!!!

I realised that his problem isn't that he doesn't care, oh no, its that he cares and feels too much. Ironically his lack of empathy (which is indicative of his personality) is evenly matched with his depth of feeling (mainly about himself). This makes him sound like a narcissist but that is not my intent. My sweetie is an only child with no living relatives and has been on his lonesome since 25yrs old. It has always been about looking after himself. He does love me very deeply, more now than when we married. Its just that he has a hard time putting the feelings of others ahead of his own. No-one was ever there for him, not as a child and certainly not as an adult.

Shall I speak with him about my needs? Yes, I shall. Do I expect anything to change. Nope. He cuddles me, strokes my feet and tells me how much he loves me. I think I am being ungrateful for the gifts he does offer. So he isn't the rock of confidence I would like but he is many other wonderful things. And I am OK with that.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Moody Monday

Yesterday was a hard day. I worked from home thankfully. I woke up after yet another bad nights sleep feeling just awful, like I had a huge hangover. All day I moped around. Worst of all was the anxiety. I was full to the brim with odd and unspecified anxiety. By the time DH came home I was on the bed in floods of tears. Of course, he hugs and kisses me and all the good stuff. I look up and there he is ... tears rolling down his face. What a sweetie. If I cry it makes him cry. This is all very new for him - before we got preggers he was pretty detached from his feelings.

I think I just needed to cry! I needed to acknowledge that I'm afraid and I'm in the land of the unknown. I am afraid something awful will happen to my babies in these last two months, or when they are born, or later on etc etc. Or that the strain will tear our marriage apart. I am anxious and afraid and don't feel like my DH can handle me being anything less than the super women he thinks I am.
I think its time to share my concerns with him and ask him to step up for these last 2 months. He has to start emotionally supporting me and not the other way around. I don't expect him to keep his fears to himself but there needs to be a more balanced approach to all this. If I say I am afraid or anxious he usually replies " me too". Now, that isn't always helpful!! Sometimes I need him to say soothe me, calm me, support me... me ME ME ME ! Yes, I think I need the focus to be on me, just once in a while.

Well, I feel better having gotten that off my chest!!!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Just lovely

I just had lunch with some girlfriends, all of whom live very interesting lives, and we had a blast. I loved seeing them and realised I have spent too much time with my DH!! They are all so positive and fun and energetic. Oh it was lovely to be around positive energy. I felt uplifted and energetic.

It got me thinking. How can I get my DH to refocus a bit on the positive side of life? Instead of him listing his woes and worried I shall ask him to talk to the kids, tell them how excited he is and what he plans on doing with them and all the good things that he is worried about not achieving.

Anyone got any other ideas??

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Holy Cribs Robin

You like? We got a super deal and I think they look lovely. We decided to go with dark wood so they might not show the bashing as much. Also the room is a really light colour so the contrast will be nice. Did we buy the converter pack - hell no. Totally forgot! I'll order it online later.
So , we are so nearly there. We have everything else on the registry and even if no-one buys anything from the list all I have to do is press buy and it all gets delivered.

Whoo hooooo!!

Past few days I have noticed the physical discomfort has started. My hips and back are a little achy (nothing too bad really) and I am going to stop wearing my rings just in case. It would break my heart to see my ring cut. We made our wedding rings with a goldsmith. Really cool thing to do. It took 9 hours (they are made of platinum and its a hard metal to work with) and we welded, shaped and soldered too our hearts content. Then I engraved East and WEst inside mine and DH has North and South inside his so when we travel we always know how to find each other (ahhhhhhh).

I am planning to take the kids on my business trips next year, at least the longer ones. Everyone I tell thinks I am mad but I will have the nanny with me and I get to see my little monkeys more. What's mad about that?? Anyway, I think its important that they learn to travel whilst young since their only living relatives live 12 hours away.

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. Summer is here so ice-cream tastes EVEN BETTER!!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Holy stroller batman

We did it! We went out and bought a stroller (City Select) . This is a great stroller for NY and handles really well. I love strollers and I am so excited about having the kids in there, the Star.bucks in the cup holder and strolling down to the market for some lunch items.

The stroller made it all feel so real. I mean apart from the kicking and the sleeplessness and the damn peeing!! We are getting to the doing bit which suits me much better than the planning bit. On the whole I feeling pretty good physically. I have put on about 25 pounds through healthy foods (ok, yes, plus the daily indulgence of a slice of cake or some English chocolate) and my back is holding out quite well. Hope I can keep this up.

As we get closer, I am a bit sorry that my family are a very far away. My mother hasn't seen my belly grow at all but then ... maybe that's a good thing. Just feels a bit lonely sometimes. My mum suggested we set up a sk.ype thing - I thought so she could see the kids but it turns out she was thinking free phone calls. Ah well. Perhaps the idea of having family around is better than the reality!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

28 weeks today!

WHOOHOOOO we made it to the first safety zone. If the little ones came today they would be in the NICU but have a strong prognosis for normal development. HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF

I had another growth scan today. They look dandy. 28 weeks, 2 pounds 11 ounces & 2lb 5 ounces respectively and they fall in the 50% range for singletons. Look how talented they are already. Cervix was 270 or something but a) they always measure short and b) on sat it measured 375 so whatever. I go again next week for another cervix check.

When I saw my monkeys on the screen I got so excited. My first reaction was relief of course, hearts beating (check) anatomy ok (check) growing (check) ok now I can enjoy. Look at those chubby cheeks, cute feet, crunched up hands. I was born sucking my thumb and it looks like my little girl is taking after me. Gametes be damned - these are my kids through and through. The boy has such cute round cheeks. Oh its gonna be amazing to munch on them. And the girl - she is gonna be some kind of athlete. Her legs are so long! They are perfect and wonderful and lovely and amazing.

This morning I ran a new format at work that was the culmination of weeks of preparation. I'm relieved and pleased to say that it went really well. I have secured my job for another year and now I can go on reduced duties with a sense of peace. From here on in I work 2 days at home, Fridays for sure and one other day. I am relieved coz this week has kicked my huge arse and I know I don't have the stamina to keep going at this pace.

Wow, 28 weeks. 7 Months. With two babies. I'm grinning like a fool!!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Long days short cervix

I have overdone work again and now I am suffering. I am totally and utterly exhausted. I am wearing jeans to the office and my friend just pointed out that I have a stain on my pregnancy top and forgot to put makeup on!! Looking sharp!!

At my growth scan tomorrow I bet they measure a short cervix. When I am out and about too much my cervix tends to react. My only worry is being put on bed rest. That would totally screw things up at the office!! Oh I sound like such a loser~~~!

The good news is I sent out my 'sort of' shower invite. We are having brunch with about 10 friends at the end of June. I have no idea what size I will be at the end of June. My feet are huge, my ass goes on for miles and my ta ta's. Well, those kids are gonna eat like kings!! But it will be lovely to have all our friends in the same spot. All the celebrate our two little monkeys.

So happy.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

August 12th

That is my adjusted due date. August 12th. Wow! Given the heat today here in NYC I can see I shall have a very 'indoors' type of June/July and August!! I managed to go to the supermarket for lovely fresh fruit (eaten most of it already!!) had a bite to eat with DH and that is about it. I am totally wiped and so is my fat cat. As I type she is stretched out as far as she can get gazing at me with a look that says "hey, human, make it cooler!!"
If I could my furry little love I would.

What can I do to get through this hot summer???

Friday, June 4, 2010

Why I love my caveman

My DH is a caveman. He has always had a room that has served as his studio and he spends hours upon happy hours editing and creating in there. We have a bookcase full of awards that testify to his passion and talent.

Today, my caveman has relinquished his cave. He has systematically emptied it out over the past month and now there are three guys in there with scrapers and chisels and paint and 'what-not'. By tonight, my sweetie's cave will be a baby room.

I often forget how much my partner has to give up, change or alter in his life to accommodate our pregnancy. As I expand, his space recedes. I know he is in equal parts excited and terrified. Giving up his creative space is a huge psychological gift to our family. I hope I never forget how loving an act this has been on his behalf. It represents so much. He didn't go to Haiti after the earthquake because we were pregnant. He didn't go on his yearly expedition because we are pregnant. He hasn't travelled for his passion (photography) at all this year because we are pregnant or will be parents. Photography is his soul, its his world and he has quietly put it to one side to protect and love me and to build a home for our monkeys.

That's why I love my caveman.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

3rd Trimester. Day 1

Dr Goo.gle be damned. Thank you guys! Talked me off yet another ledge. I have to trust the docs and I will. I will, I will, I will!!

Wow, 3rd trimester. I have 8 to 10 weeks left of being pregnant. After all it took to get this way it seems to be flying by. I saw myself in a mirror today and do I have a belly!! I look hilarious. I tend not to wear maternity clothes, now that Empire waists are everywhere. I do have one shirt that makes me look like I am 10 months pregnant with elephants which I wear to any meeting with my boss so he takes pity on me :-) Baby A is still high up and Baby B is low down so I have 2 pregnancy bellies.

I am going to start to pack my hospital bag this weekend (I love to pack!) I bought a blow up double nursing pillow, lavender oil and rosemary oil, comfy socks, a silly book, my travel pack of bathroom stuff, huge sanitary pads that were recommended at one of the many classes , two pillow cases, eye shades and earplugs, and there is so much more to go!

I am holding off packing the stuff the kids will need till last. I want DH and I to do it together. DH is still in panic mode but I am buzzing with excitement. I am close to meeting my kids. I am close to holding them and kissing them, feeling their soft skin and munching on their tiny toes. I am not letting any worries dominate this last bit of anticipation. I can't believe that they will be in my arms in a matter of weeks. I started worrying that it would all get taken away from me, now that we are close to the finish line but you are all so wise, I can't give in to that bullsh#t. I get to see them again on Saturday. Little boy head is such a cutie and girl is all wiggly and jives when she is poked. My little monkey's. Is it possible to love them already? Well, I guess it is :-)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Good new / bad news

I passed my glucose screening which is terrific news since diabetes runs in my family.

However, my platelet count came back lower than every before - 125. It had gone up to 150 which was terrific coz that means no worries. I googled low platelet count and found out it is also called gestational thrombocytopenia. It could also be HELP and a bunch of other worrisome things.


I started to read about HELLP and all those things but they were too scary. Totally freaked me out. What happens if we lose these guys? What happens if I really can't do it? If my body just isn't the place to grow babies. I don't know what I will do if this goes wrong. I read most cases of GT are benign (75%) but hell, when have the numbers ever worked in my favor. Oh I hate this, I really do.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hiring hell & C-section fear

I'm in the middle of trying to hire the various people we need to get through this whole "we're having twins" thing. I mentioned before that we will be starting off with a night nanny and transitioning to a regular nanny nearer the time I go back to work.
Well, it's hell. I hate interviewing people at the best of times but damn, these chicks are something. I spent four days tracking down someone's references only for her to tell me at the last minute that she works with her sister and is it OK if they tag team. NO HELL NO ITS NOT OK!!

I am seriously thinking about biting the bullet and going with an agency. They charge $250 for the application and placement fee which I think is a total freakin' rip off, the nanny's are more expensive but they are qualified, screened and trained and there is an agency to scream at if anything goes wrong.

At least we're fortunate enough to be able to have a night nurse and I should stop being a whiney pain in the arse but damn it chaps my cheeks when people lie and cheat, it brings out the worst in me.

All that and a tired, emotional-for-no-reason weekend. I think I scared myself reading about c-sections! There is a ton of crap and out of date info out there. They do not, for instance, cut through your stomach muscles. The move them, these days, coz they can. Seriously folks - how painful is is? what do you feel like afterwards (in the recovery room) and what about the day afterward? What words of wisdom can you give this poor demented mum-to-be.