Yesterday was a hard day. I worked from home thankfully. I woke up after yet another bad nights sleep feeling just awful, like I had a huge hangover. All day I moped around. Worst of all was the anxiety. I was full to the brim with odd and unspecified anxiety. By the time DH came home I was on the bed in floods of tears. Of course, he hugs and kisses me and all the good stuff. I look up and there he is ... tears rolling down his face. What a sweetie. If I cry it makes him cry. This is all very new for him - before we got preggers he was pretty detached from his feelings.
I think I just needed to cry! I needed to acknowledge that I'm afraid and I'm in the land of the unknown. I am afraid something awful will happen to my babies in these last two months, or when they are born, or later on etc etc. Or that the strain will tear our marriage apart. I am anxious and afraid and don't feel like my DH can handle me being anything less than the super women he thinks I am.
I think its time to share my concerns with him and ask him to step up for these last 2 months. He has to start emotionally supporting me and not the other way around. I don't expect him to keep his fears to himself but there needs to be a more balanced approach to all this. If I say I am afraid or anxious he usually replies " me too". Now, that isn't always helpful!! Sometimes I need him to say soothe me, calm me, support me... me ME ME ME ! Yes, I think I need the focus to be on me, just once in a while.
Well, I feel better having gotten that off my chest!!!
I think you should give him this blog entry to read. It is compassionate yet poignantly illustrates where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteTalking is always better than not.
Ah, yes, the late pregnancy emotions. You keep reminding me of all the little things I'd forgotten. Well, certainly you are right, your DH needs to prop you up when you feel sad/weak/frightened and not try to join your roller coaster. You can help each other be strong after the babies arrive, but these final weeks are emotionally and physically tough on the mama. Tell him!
ReplyDeleteYou poor thing. The third trimester emotions are difficult, at best. I have several crying bouts daily now - and I just can't seem to control it. Hang in there - you're doing great. And maybe share this post with DH - he will prop you up when needed, but I think we need to tell our husbands when we need something specific. good luck
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