Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I want my life back

I am sick of being this Lu.pron filled nutcase. Everyone has noticed it at work (and here I was thinking how well I was doing) and last night I had another breakdown. Stupid little problem at work and it ruined my night. Barely slept. DH was amazing again but I am filled with guilt at him having to deal with such a needy partner.

Another trip to Cornel.l tomorrow and I really hope that I get taken off the L.upron. You know when you go for a hike and you are tired at the start of it, the hills look enormous and you are convinced you can't take another step. Well, yes, that's where I am.

I am desperate for bad foods - however - I shall go and get a cup of tea and a salad for lunch. Or, chocolate cake with chocolate ice cream and chocolate sauce. Salad it is then.

I must snap out of this damn funk.

Choir started last night. There are some solo's up for grabs but I think I have enough stress right now!

OK here is a lovely thing. Over the long weekend DH and I went to coney island. we went to the fair there and DH won a little plush toy dog for me. It's soft and cheap and cute. Whenever I am in a funk (ahem, today) I hold it and think of him.


  1. Oh, bella...poor Lu.pron filled you! I hope they take you off it tomorrow, too. And I totally hear you about the enormous hills...but you're getting so much closer, even if each day seems to go by in slow-motion with stupid problems at work and salad on the side. Did the singing distract and relieve some stress? Yay for DH for being there for you - you deserve it!

  2. Oh, the trip to Coney Island sounds wonderful! And he even won you a toy! Now THAT is a sweet husband. Darlin' you have to cut yourself some slack with this EL thing. It's not your fault and you can't control what it does to you. It's a drug. It's in your blood and in your cells and it's not your fault. Let other people cope with it. Your husband is being great - I'm sure youv'e told him so - and it won't be forever. I hope you have a good appointment and they tell you to DISCONTINUE the EL!

  3. Oh sweetie -- I'm so sorry, this is all so unrelenting and so hard. It just goes on and on and it has a schedule and a language all its own and it just steamrolls everything some days. The drugs are crazy and the stress is crazy and there you have it. I want your life back for you. I hope you got a nice long bubble bath tonight and good sleep with sweet dreams. Love to you,