Sunday, October 11, 2009

Your thoughts needed

Thank you - everyone. whatever happens on Tuesday I can honestly say I have had the best support of my life. No other experience comes close.

Yesterday was a hard day. We cried a bit then calmed down and said "it's still early". We went for lunch, went to the movies and went for diner. All day our conversation came back to adoption. DH is really uncomfortable with a fully open adoption but he came around to the idea of a semi -open adoption. We contacted an agency in VT that has no age restrictions and applied for their December intro workshop. It's not that he has given up. DH realized when speaking with the agency how quickly the spaces fill up. I, on the other hand, thought "I know we still have a chance with this cycle and we have the frosties but ..."

.... but

There it is. The doubt and fear. The evaporation of belief. I do have moments that rise up and make me feel hopeful but now they're mediated with a little voice that says "be careful, you can look but don't think you can be one of them"

I POAS today, it came back negative.

Which brings me to my question. Would you do another round of DE? Or go straight to adoption?


  1. Whatever happens, YOU will get through it. This is a terrible place to be, that limbo where you can't give up and you can't know for sure. I am really impressed your DH is even considering adoption at all, mine won't even talk about it. Thinking of you hon, take care.

  2. Oh, EB, I'm so sorry. I guess there is still a chance...but I can feel how your heart has sunk. I really, really thought this would be a shoe-in. That it would work without question. Why shouldn't it? I guess because there simply are no guarantees. But I'm glad that you still have options. There is still hope. Hope for Tuesday. Hope for the frosties. Hope for adoption. So good that your DH is willing to proceed with adoption, and of course we'll all be here for you too. Come what may. Love and hugs.

  3. Dear EB! I saw your post on my Blackberry yesterday but couldn't get near a computer to respond...I'm sorry for the early BFN. I can understand how disheartened you both must be right now. I'm glad to hear you are moving as best as you can through this current limbo, and I am still so hopeful for you that this ends in the best possible way.
    Lots of Love,

  4. i am so sorry that your hopes are fading, but I understand. I am so glad that your hubby is being supportive, and if this cycle doesn't bring your miracle, maybe one of your frosties will. sending you a hug, and a iwhs for your miracle to arrive.

  5. I understand completely because I was there just 3 months ago. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you get a late BFP!! However if not, and if your husband is open to adoption, I would go for that. Mine is not and so we are stuck in limbloland right now. However if you do choose to do another round of DE, please let me get you the name of my friend who lives in NYC (who had failures at Cornell and is now pregnant with twins from another RE with a bunch of frozen embryos). This is so much to go through and no matter what happens I'm so glad you that you have such a wonderful husband who is holding you and supporting you! I'm also happy you feel supported by us in blogland! Hugs darling!

  6. I think you should still wait until Tues. to give up, but if it does come back negative I would give it another shot. That is why many of the DE packages seem to come with 3 or 4 tries. Donor eggs just seem to have greater odds of actually working. However, if you just get worn out from the whole process (IF can really exhaust a person as we all know), and if you have the money and the resources, adoption is a great option. There is an adoption series on TLC or Discovery that follows the whole process. It's worth watching if you are considering it. The one thing about the IF crowd, we are resilient. Most of us have already been through the wringer and have experienced so many ups and downs, it can sometimes assist in taking the edge off of moments like these. My fingers are still crossed for you. Don't give up yet.


  7. I wouldn't give up yet, but I'm an IVF junkie. I always believe the next cycle will be the charm. Did you do genetic testing on the embies? My RE told us last week that even with young donors, generally 50% of embryos are abnormal (which surprised me). I would use up the frosties before giving up on the DE. WHatever you decide, we are all here for you. xxoo

  8. I know the thought process you are going through. I've been there.. I'm still there.

    I can't tell you what's right for you, but if I had unlimited funds, I might have gone for another fresh cycle. But the strangest thing happened after my BFN. My head just isn't in the game anymore. I can barely get up the courage/motivation to do the FET(s). One thing for sure I've discovered, that for me personally after 5 years of crap, I can't gamble anymore.

    We've kicked around adoption before, but in the end I feel like my journey ends with the FET. You need to evaluate where you and DH are after the conclusion of each step... in your heart and in your minds.

    Hugs, my dear.

  9. sending love to you
    and wishing that things were different, so different


  10. So sorry this seems to be a failed cycle. We adopted first..two beautiful daughters. Life is complete with them. This IVF thing is just my final hurrah to have one more child to parent. We are huge advocates of adoption...I never cared much for "my" DNA and seeing it "live on" past my life. I have seen first-hand what parenting is really about...and it has nothing to do with DNA. Our first adoption started out private and is now semi-open. We know her, she knows us and we send photos once a year, she sends gifts for birthdays. Our second adoption was international so there is no birth family to connect with. It's easy for me to tell you to adopt b/c that's what I did at age 27 (wow, I was so young then!). Sending you peace, whatever your decision.

  11. f*ck, f*ck, F*CK! (sorry for the swearing!)

    I'm in shock!!! I refuse to believe this is a negative cycle. no way! I'm not going there yet.