The story of Yesterday

Have you noticed that with IVF each cycle takes on a different feel. This one has been LONG and the chemicals really took their tool. Yet, it was yesterday, transfer day, that took on a whole new thang.

When we arrived at the reception centre the receptionist gave me the normal people robes. Now let me remind you that last time I had to fight to get the fat pants. The nurse was convinced I wouldn't fit in the 'special' clothing!! And, to my shame, she was somewhat right - those pants were tight. Well, I go into the changing room and think - just try these on before you tell them you need the fat robes.

They fit.

With room to spare.

I ddi a little dance of joy, in my brown socks and white printed ass showing roe.

Although I did put the bottom robe on back to front!! ROOKIE.

I wasn't nervous walking into the ER, which is a first but this time it hurt like hell in the beginning. I wasn't nervous that I had the doctor nicknamed the 'butcher of cl'. I waited in that gloriously awkward stirrup contraptions with lights blaring. I expected my hoo hoo to break into Broadway songs!

So then they show me the embies.

I couldn't believe how text book they look.

"Are those 8 & 9 divisions?" I asked the nurse

"Yep"

Our last ones were 3, 4, 5 range.

Once we are all done and I am in the waiting area I look at the print out of our embies. I start to blub. They are perfect. They are ours. I have never cried after transfer before.

I have never felt that whatever happens, this moment is special. It's different than when we had 'our' embies. It is somehow greater. Somehow more momentous. I guess this took me by surprise. I had a thought that I might resent the other women's eggs. But, I am grateful. I feel an enormous amount of gratitude to this young chick that has given me this chance.

I love this feeling. I love feeling ... complete. I'm really glad I promised not to POAS since it made me focus on the core of what we are trying to do which has reduced the stress somehow. (Mind you, its day 2!) We decided to speak about being pregnant from now on and not to obsess over symptoms. It's kinda weird. Counter intuitive for and IF'er. I hear the IF devil saying "ha, I will get you my pretty" but you know what, fuck 'em. If I only get to be pregnant for 10 days then I'll take it.

BWUB has a glorious post that is really well written and totally moving. Check it out.