I was supposed to go to an adoption convention today but enough! I am taking an intellectual break for a while. I want to have some freakin' fun.
I booked a quick vacation to see my folks in November and DH is seeing if he can get compassionate leave. We stay in the only hotel nr the village that my brother lives in. Its in an business park - but a really English version of a business park (think the Office) but they have a great fitness center and a spa (it's a kind of gym for local elite) and that means I get to take my 5 yr old nephew swimming. yeah.
DH told me last night that all this stuff is really getting to him. He lost both his parents when too young and has no family to speak of. He has had a really hard time with all the rejection and failures. Emotionally, I think he is wrung out.
A surprising thing happened when I opened my mouth to comfort him.
" If this is all too much we stop, babe. We stop the treatments and the adoptions and we start to live as a child free couple. We have done more than was asked in order to make this happen and it hasn't. You just say the word."
Of course he said he couldn't do that to me. But at the time, and still today, I meant it. There is only so much we can handle. There is only so much I am willing to put him and myself through. I imagined a houseful of kids but we have other options, as sad as that feels right now. We'll do a cycle with DrJ and DH won't have to do anything before December. I am going to make a concerted effort to talk about and think about other things whilst we are together.
Want to know the most bitter irony of all. My brother and his wife got pregnant on the first try - the first try, the very first try. But she only wants 1 kid (since being preggers makes her look fat) so they aren't having any more.