I know all of the above are the effects of the lovely PIO but I don't care. The way I see it is I am practicing for when it is real. Which could be now. Which we could find out tomorrow.
GULP
So last night my DH was shooting a concert and my shot time came and went. I know there is a three hour window but that makes me nervous. I prepared everything and stood in front of the mirror like the 2934987 times before. Just like before I look at the needle and think "oh c'mon you baby, c'mon!!" at which point I usually lose my nerve and wait for DH. This time however.... I pushed the needle against my skin (ouch, fucking ouch) and then just kept pushing. I did it!! I gave myself my first PIO shot. HOT DAMN am I proud of myself. Conquering fear really gives me a feeling of control. I actually thought to myself "ha, take that infertility".
Last night I went to see a one women show about an end of life health care provider (palliative care). There was a bit about her grandfather. How he lost his baby son. I was ready to lose it. I was so not gonna do that in public in front of the writer I am working with. I pinched my arm so hard I broke the skin. Amazing how we live in hope of life and yet carry the shadow of loss everyday. I had prepared to see and hear death with the play, just not feel my deaths again.
It's Friday. Oh yes, it's Friday and I do, Soapchick, have Monday off. FIESTA!!!!!!!!!
Wow - so proud that you did your own PIO! That is a true feeling of accomplishment! And so nice to know you CAN, just in case. And I am so excited that tomorrow is the day! Do they call you tomorrow or wait til after beta 2? I've heard of some places that don't tell you until after the 2nd beta and I think I would die waiting...
ReplyDeleteCongrats on self-PIOing! It's hard! I did all my own shots. 10 freaking weeks of PIO. OUCH!
ReplyDeleteBTW, just catching up here, I had zero spotting on my successful donor embie cycle. 31 weeks on Monday.
Crossing my fingers for you!
Nicely done with the PIO, although the very thought of it terrifies me.
ReplyDeleteI'm also impressed that you managed to not cry, but instead just did the pinching trick... yet more evidence of your high tolerance for pain. It appears that IF pushes you to go beyond what you thought were your limits in a lot of ways.
this is for you my dear!
ReplyDeletehttp://tryingin2007.blogspot.com/2009/10/sigh.html
:)
OMG!! congrats on doing that shot yourself! I don't know if I could do it, I have seen those needles. The little ones I can handle :)
ReplyDeleteand i have everything crossed for you tomorrow, *sitting on edge my seat*
You ARE?! You're testing tomorrow?? Oh yippee!!! I'll have to get up extra early to log on for your post.
ReplyDeleteGreat courage, woman, giving yourself that shot. I never could do it myself even once. EL shots in the belly were as much as I could do.
I'm sure I would have teared up during the show, hearing about an old man's life long sorrow over losing an infant son. Now go put a bandaid on your arm!
you are a rockstar, ms, doityourself PIO. Hot damn
ReplyDeleteand because I am kate, I need to say about tomorrow- if it is negative it does not mean it is negative, it is still early sweetie, and I don't want you to freak yourself out.
BUT
a positive?: that would be positive and perfectly GREAT
so,
be gentle with yourself
and GOOD LUCK
XOXo
kate