I thought I would be OK. But deep down inside I hoped for a 49. I hoped for a positive. I had to leave work. I kept it together until I closed my apartment door. Then it all fell apart. The seams ripped open.
Yesterday I made i list of options
- try another DE cycle: Lovely Soapchick put me in touch with someone that had used an RE called Dr Jessie. I went to see her yesterday and in a flash I had an ultrasound and a ton of blood work drawn. Too quick though. She made me anxious and whilst her CDC rating is high her customer satisfaction is not. Her rating is very high - the cdc reported that in 2006 she did 11 DE's and 11 went to birth.
- We have the frosties and at least they are in an environment that I know, which brings me some peace.
- We have our first adoption intro tomorrow.
But I don't want any of them. I want to be done with options. I want this time to be my turn. I want to have lost 35 pounds, saved $20K of our hard earned money, not traveled or gone on vacation and had weekly acupuncture to be pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.
I just don't know where to put all this sadness.