Wednesday, January 20, 2010

So I ducked out early from work yesterday and crashed on the settee for the rest of the day. No choir for me. I'll leave early today and quietly take advantage of my job being about writing and thinking (which I can do from home).

Anxiety levels a little high today. However I started reading a book about carrying twins and apparently its normal to be anxious and afraid. Which is good to know since I thought I was just being totally ungrateful and spoiled. DH is happy but has studiously avoided reading anything about the complications of carrying twins. Situation bloody normal. We see the final specialist soon and then get to make the decision about whether we can go forward with the twin pregnancy. It's so surreal to have tried so hard, for so long and now to be having these conversations. Baby B isn't progressing at the same rate as Baby A so they might just say do nothing and let nature take it's course. Do you think that would be more stressful than a definitive action? I thought that makes the risk to Baby A even higher?

I am so frikkin' tired. Have been all day. Nothing kicks my ass into gear. I was in a meeting this morning surrounded by Star$ coffee and I just wanted to crawl in to one those cups. I am only allowed 20mmg of caffeine a day (which is maybe half a cup of decaf). Boooooooooo. I want to inject caffeine and feel normal again, if only for a moment.

I have found that every other day I am trashed from the moment I wake up to when I go to bed. Must be to do with the ebb and flow of the drugs in my system. Or not!


  1. Oh man EB, the hormones would hit me pretty hard in weeks 6-8 and I would just fall asleep like an old man on the couch. It's totally normal, it's not the meds, it is the fact that you have two little buggers making lots of hormones. Just roll with it. Take a nap when you can. Go to sleep early. I would sometimes sleep for 10 hours at night, have a 2 hour nap during the day and still want to go to bed at 9pm. I typically went to sleep at 1am or 2am. It was wacky but after about week 12 or 13 it all slipped more into a normal mode. As for the little one who is measuring behind, I would wait it out for a while. Don't get tempted into coffee, try some hot water with lemon and honey. I know it doesn't have caffeine, but sometimes just the hot beverage at the right time of day fools your mind into thinking it is the same.

  2. If Baby B is not progressing at same rate and Baby B decides not to stay then I definitely cannot fathom how that could be as stressful as having to make a definitive decision and take an active role in his/her departure.

    In either case, continuing to wish you the best in a tough situation.

  3. EB - hoping you won't have to make a difficult decision. I hear you on the exhaustion - I'm almost at week 12 and I'm still pretty tired and nauseous. Lately it's been a bit better, but I can't wait for week 14 when I can stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. Sending you lots of love.

  4. I'm right there with you with exhaustion. I'm done around noon and then come home and collapse. Hoping you are feeling more lively soon (and that goes for all of us). Is baby B measuring smaller?

  5. Dear lord, we really are experiencing the exact same pregnancy situation. I'm officially praying for the 'let nature take its course' route of action for myself, I'll add another prayer for you. Let me know what you find out, regarding danger to twin A. Watching and waiting with you.

  6. Just like cycling is a rollercoaster, the first trimester is a rollercoaster too. It's on the other side of the park, and the swoops and turns are different, but it takes its toll in its own way. ...That was my rather metaphorical way of saying that the hormones raging inside you and the feelings, tiredness, anxiety and everything else (except that attributable to your back issues) are all normal experiences for a woman in her first trimester. Welcome to pregnancy!

    The good news is that it will get better. Really. I'm glad you have the kind of job where you can simply announce that you are leaving for the day and will work from home. Take advantage of it as often as possible.

    I do not know whether losing a twin naturally affects the remaining sibling. I've not heard anyone mention that before, and a few bloggers out there have been through the "lost twin" experience. So I'm hopeful it will be okay for you too. Give the husband some time. Eventually he'll want to know more, I believe.

    Now rest, listen to your body, and obey!

  7. Oh hon, I'm glad you are pg but sorry it is such a stress on your poor little body! I think choir needs to be on the back burner for a while, you'll be back with a vengance soon. And hard as it is, I think you should try not to second guess the twin situation yet, you'll have much more info in a few weeks.

    And how can you be surprised your DH is not reading books about twin pgs?? Our boyz are just not wired that way! Maybe if you asked him to plan a special evening (including telling him where to order the food and what movie or activity you want!) I can totally relate - Mr Momma once again FORGOT we were cycling and I had a very PAINFUL scan today...grrr!