Last night at at about 3am I was on the living room floor crying like a baby. My back had got the better of me. I was in so much pain I just knew something was horribly wrong. It took me till 7am to get from the floor to the bedroom where my DH was lying in. As soon as the clinic was open I phoned Dr J and she told me to get to her pronto.
DH left work because walking was almost an impossibility - I even passed out at one point.
Dr J works in a building with tons of other practices, one being back doctors. The diagnosis: I have severe sciatica.
We went back to Dr J for an ultra sound to check for polka dot and any indications of ectopic. The last time my DH was in an ultra sound room with me we were told that the sac was empty. That was a very long time ago. Before Corn.ell, before Colu.mbia. He was so nervous. Dr J did her thing with the wand and there it was, our Polka Dot has quite the pad now - the sac is looking great and we saw a heartbeat. No sign of ectopic. We have never seen a heart beat. It was strong and we are at 6 weeks.
As is the second baby in there.
Yes folks ..... TWINS!!!!
This next sentence is really hard to write. We have not decided if we will go all the way with 2. I know how that sounds but the reality of my damaged back may force our decision. My back is totally screwed, I have 3 damaged disks and tears along the lower spine in the muscle. The ortho that I go to has already counselled against carrying multiples before we got preggers.
We are also alone. No parents, no cousins or brothers, sisters or aunts.
However, the decision has not been made yet. I want 2 children. I really do. I just don't know if we are capable of having twins both physically and emotionally. I have day dreamed of twins for so long I feel like I cursed myself. I am sobbing as I write that we may reduce. Sobbing.
For now I have my twins in there. Heartbeats and all. What an amazingly complex day this is.