Monday, January 11, 2010

Dh stepped up - I think he heard y'all! He took the day off work (unheard of) to get me to my chiro appt and Dr J.

I have a herniated disk bulging onto the group of nerves that causes sciatica. The ortho surgeon discussed what carrying twins might look and feel like for me and the risks to the peanuts. Scary stuff. There is a high risk of losing both if my spine and pelvis carriage deteriorate.

The spine specialist didn't want to council one way or the other because he believes it's too early. Wr shall have the discussion in 2 weeks in a field consult with a bunch of other specialists.
Dr J on the other hand is confident that all will be well!
The other specialist are split 50/50.

We heard the heartbeats again. One is measuring behind the other but all in all pretty stable. Dr J thinks I might be off the PIO shots in a week or two!! WOW!! She will keep me past the 8 weeks mark, maybe till 11 weeks since I am such a high risk. We discussed where I go next and I told her my choices and she approved, so that was a relief.

I keep imagining the day after, in the hospital room, with a live little one or two to feed and cuddle. I just keep thinking - eyes on the prize Eb. You have never got this far before. Keep your head and your strength will follow.

That having been said I had a major meltdown yesterday. Cried and cried for hours and DH listened to every odd and wild thing that came out of my mouth. I cried about how fearful I am, how afraid of nothing going wrong and having kids, everything going wrong and not having kids, of DH leaving, of our marriage breaking under the stress, of my broken body and the risks it poses to the peanuts. I felt so much better afterwards! it must be exhausting living with such a freak. I have to get up every 90 mins at the moment due to pain so i wake him up continuously. Tonight however I am taking my pain pills at midnight, a full dose, so we might both get some much needed shut eye.


  1. I am so glad DH stepped up to the plate! :) I am glad you are starting to feel better, both emotionally and physically; this is such an emotional time for you, with all that you have to deal with. It is true, you don't have to make any decisions yet. In fact, you won't have to make a decision for a few weeks. Things may change before you have to make any decisions. And you know what?!? YOU'RE PREGNANT!!! :D Yay for heartbeats!!!

  2. So glad things are getting a bit easier, better living through modern chemistry! My hope is that your path will become very clear to you, one way or the other. But for now just revel in the fact that you are pregnant and even though your body protests, it is supporting TWO (actually three counting yourself!) lives!!!! That is AMAZING!

  3. You were SO entitled to the little meltdown. It was therapeutic to get all of that off your chest. Sometimes we need to hear ourselves say the words - that we fear the worst, fear the best!, hope for the best and to speak every possibility in between. And hurray for your DH being there for you. The men can surprise us sometimes! I really hope it's all going to work out for you and your family. Prayers coming your way.

  4. So glad your DH was there when you needed him most. I also had a long rambling discussion about fear and worry and success with MrBeep. It is nice to just sometimes be able to express all of the tornado of emotions that mix inside you. Hope you got some restful sleep.

  5. I hope you got some amazing sleep.

    I am not sure how my DH made it through the last few years still loving me - I was insane, especially during the first trimester...

  6. You're supposed to be a raving lunatic! You're pregnant! I couldn't tell you whether things will get easier, but at least DH is showing that he's there for you. You will get through this but you really need to calm down and rest a bit. Stress can play havoc on your system.

    Remember, this is all new territory for the both of you. One day at a time. Time will give you the answers that you crave.


  7. I am so glad that your DH "manned up" LOL. and glad that things are going well. You are allowed every meltdown you want!