Friday, July 24, 2009

Oh by the way ...

Don't you just HATE it when that is how someone tells you they are pregnant. Long email about nothing then.. "oh by the way, guess what... we're pregnant". My friend, who is the same age and who has been trying the same time ... yeah, you guessed it. I'd feel bad for feeling so much envy if I wasn't so consumed by the stuff!

My little kittie had her one week check up. "Mixed bag" as the vet said (which meant 'rotten') Her counts are still elevated, she has a raging temperature and she lost weight. So, she is back in the critical care unit for a night, getting a biopsy done, a long term feeding tube and she will be home either tomorrow or Sunday. The fee's are enormous. ENORMOUS. But the prognosis is long term recovery. Everyone was mooning over her, telling me how cute and lovely she is. Well, yeah. Now fix her.
Came home, had a long cry and now need to clean out her 'hospital room' aka the bathroom (it's a little stinky and I can wash it down). We have had to hire a frikkin' nurse to give her meds and food during the day coz we both work and don't have any vacation or sick time left. This cat is now the most expensive thing in my life. Except DE.

I realized that the Donor and I are on the same 'natural' cycle. That's weird isn't it. Or is it! I wonder if we get offered the donor closest in cycle? nah. that's just silly. I am feeling a bit sad about my friend getting to have her own genetic baby whereas I have to give that option up. I know when I am holding that little lump I will not care in the least. I know the love I will feel (and in some ways feel already) will be pure and whole. So I should just shut the hell up. And my kid will not be plagued by my crappy genes. Weight watchers anyone.

Can you tell I have raging PMS?? It's weigh in day tomorrow and then I am having some seriously naughty food.


  1. You WW comment made me giggle a little. I've been in serious weight loss mode since January. I lost 30 pounds, and then nothing for the last two months (I have about 45 more to lose). And I had the same thought... thank goodness I'm not passing on my "fat" dna. Weird, isn't it?

    I hope kitty feels better. Oh man, I KNOW how expensive that is... we were nursing a senior cat and dog in 2007 and the vet bills were enormous!

  2. Glad kitty is at least having a good long term prognosis - so sorry she's back in the big house. Hope for her to come home soon. Can't believe you have to hire a nurse to give the cat shots! So funny since I seriously thought about hiring a nurse to do my shots when I first started IVF, but the cost made me stab myself! But I know I'd do whatever I could for my kitties too, good luck.

    It is really great you and your donor are lined up cyclicly (? is that a word?); it can be a big pain to line up if you're not. And don't you have another recipient too? Hope she is close in her cycle as well. Can't wait for things to get started for you!

  3. does that naughty food include the nutella? :) mmmmm. Sorry about the green eyed monster....but your turn is coming ((hugs))

  4. I feel in my heart you will be a mom. And with DE, the stats are in your favor, no doubt, no kidding.

    But the fear that it might not work? I hear you, I get it, I know.
    And the frustration/envy of your friend with the ohbytheway pregnancy, yeah, I get that too.
    And you, my pms friend, have every right to every feeling hormone magnifying glass or not. This is such a complex ride. We could all use a lot more positive certainty.


  5. Sorry Miss Kitty is not going to be home tonight, but glad she's getting what she needs. She's so lucky to have you guys to take such good care of her. I think it is so cool that you are on the same cycle as the Donor - a very positive sign!

  6. Just wanted to tell you what an inspiration you've been to me and I'm sure others. I too started weight watchers (online). In the past 2 months I've lost about 23lbs. I have about 30 more to go though. I've noticed other people mentioning how you'd inspired them to loose. Perhaps this should be a dieting blog too (ha, ha!).

    I'm so sorry again about kitty. This is just heartbreaking with her. I think most of us would do the same in your position. Try to hang in there. It's difficult not to feel guilty leaving her at the hospital again. But maybe they can figure this thing out.

    Welcome to my world. Is everyone I know pregnant or what?! It seems like an infection at work. Mostly with the young ones though. Makes me depressed and starts me wondering why I didn't try earlier. I guess I was just sucked into the whole Madonna, Nicole Kidman thing where everyone overcomes the odds and "Yes!" you too can get pregnant in your late thirties early forties "we have the technology!" Not!
    That is really crappy how you said "friend" tried to be casual in an email and dumps it on you at the end. She clearly was avoiding telling you face to face. She should've given it some time too if she knew how hard you were trying. Or maybe she didn't depending on what you may have told her. It just sucks having to hear it. You sincerely want to be happy for them, but inside it just feels like a dagger to your heart. Oh the guilt. We are not terrible people for feeling this way! We are just tired of the shots, appointments, bills, runarounds, scheduling and all of the waiting and disappointment! Life can really f***ing suck sometime!

    Okay, seriously naughty food. I live on the border of NJ and PA and usually get into the city (NY) more frequently in the summer. I've had a terrible craving for Amy's Breads vanilla cupcakes with their deliciously high vanilla icing, not too sweet, not too bland. Magnolia's is not all they make it out to be. Also, huge cravings for goat cheese and red pepper ravioli from Murray's Cheese (also on Bleeker St.) If you live anywhere near there, you've got to get yourself a cupcake. The chocolate iced are not as good.

    You've been through so much. My prayers and hugs go out to you.

  7. Darling, eat something. Nobody is meant to endure this much at one time. I can't even begin to fathom the tidal waves of emotions you must be feeling. Hell, eat AND drink. The aerobics and weight room will still be there when you get back. Meanwhile, we'll focus on kitty's good prognosis and the fact that you and your donor are already in synch. Good things MUST start happening soon!

  8. Oh--I'm so sorry; sounds like a rotten day. Here's hoping for a better tomorow. Love to you,