Thursday, July 23, 2009

Food for thought - UPDATE

Sky mentioned in her comment last night that swe should think about doing a solo DE cycle, not shared. Interestingly I have been pondering about that before Sky brought it up. I know it's more expensive (I asked my coordinator to give me the costs) but in the end isn't a good investment?

Sky also mentioned that she had a friend that had 4 DE cycles and no baby. Wow. That put the shits up me. I know it might not work but I thought it was 65% chance of pregnancy? How can one go through that many 65% chances and not get lucky once? We don't have four chances. We have one.

I am blue. I am overtired (Kitty has to be fed little and lots and its exhausting - she is eating but right now she is hiding from the f**king drilling they are doing on the outside walls) and I have PMS (including the headache, dizziness, mega bloating and sickness - wonderful). This means that my usual upbeat nature is somewhat down-facing-dog today. That having been said - what happens if DE doesn't work. Am I that broken? Am I that unlucky?Am I really not able to have a biological child? Am I really going through all of this for nothing? Why? What did I do? I don't know how much more I have left to lose. I just don't know what is left inside me. I really don't.

Here's what I got from Cornell today
It usually costs approximately $30,000 for a single cycle. The donor should start her period by Monday and I will get the final information on the other recipient after testing on Wednesday and Thursday. You have been so patient and throughout this waiting period and I truly appreciate it. I am anxious to get dates set as well and will do so ASAP.

Have a good weekend,

I will go with the shared cycle since 30K is out of the question and I just have to have faith. My deepest apologies to Sky - she was being her very supportive self and I didn't mean to be accusatory. You guys are my life line, everyone proven to be supportive, brave and empathic.

(kitty just hopped over her bathroom barrier and made a very slow speed escape to the bedroom!)


  1. I'm sorry I upset you. I should've never said anything and just kept my thoughts/fears to myself. I'm so very sorry. I think my friend is just an anomaly - 4 DEs and no baby is not normal. I'm just scared for myself and I did a non sharing cycle, so I wanted to bring up the sharing question. I didn't want to add to your stress however and for that I'm truly regretful. I hope kitty gets 100% better soon.

  2. Whoa, slow down! Those eggs haven't even been retrieved yet and you're already admitting defeat! Now listen, you don't know the first fact about the woman with 4 failed DE's. Maybe her uterine lining is not conducive to implantation. Maybe she had too much estrogen or progesterone or not enough of either. Maybe her donor's eggs were not as good as your donor's eggs will be. Maybe her doctor was less experienced at placing the embies than your doctor is. Maybe she played volleball and jumped on a trampoline 2 days after the transfer. I mean, there are a million reasons why her 4 DE cycles might not have worked and that HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH how your DE cycle will turn out. My body was pg before and knew how to implant and hold a baby - even if the baby never had a heartbeat. Your body knows how to do that too. Painfully so. Our losses were devastating, but my losses are exactly what gave me hope that with good eggs/embies, I could be successful! And I was. And so will you. Whether or not you want to use a shared donor is up to you.

    Exhaustion affects our emotions, making them threadbare and raw. I'm sorry kitty is requiring so much care. I spent a lot of time and energy caring for my elderly dog who developed a seizure disorder and I know how torn you can feel between wanting to do everything possible to help your pet feel comfortable, and struggling with your own exhaustion. There are no easy answers and I just hope kitty gets well soon and hoping you find some comfort.

  3. I read her comment yesterday too, and thought she made a really great point. If you really know you have one shot at it, I think I might reconsider the gamble on a shared cycle. But in the end, you will make the best choice for you, and it will be ok. As for the rest of your worries...let them go. It's all just stuff and you can't compare your situation to someone you don't know. I sure hope kitty gets better soon, but take care of yourself too.

  4. I decided to keep quiet on yesterday's post/comments, but needed to chime in to say that "Best when used by" is right. You don't know about this other person's medical issues. In addition to the great things already said, her husband could have undiagnosed genetic problems with his sperm. Things can happen, stats are scary, but $30K is pretty steep. Glad to know the kitty is better day by day. I hope things work out for you and I hope that Soapchick's DE went well is added to the long list of "pregnants" too.

  5. Just catching up on your posts. I think doing a shared cycle is a great option. I have a good friend that is most likely going to do the same thing. 30K is insane. Stories are going to come and go - and you will hear ones you do not want to hear throughout the entire cycle. You are right, you have to keep your faith. This is your cycle - no one elses. I'm so glad to hear your kitty is doing better. Faith, faith and more faith!!!!


  6. My turn...
    I totally hear you on all counts - it's like we're all in this gigantic line-up, holding out our uteruses to be filled, and there's a Baby Nazi standing at the front and we're all terrified that when we get there, he's going to shout, "NO BABY FOR YOU!". And in the meantime, we're all scheming and planning and trying to figure out how to control the outcome in any way we can - if I just take this drug, or go to that doctor, or do a shared cycle, or eat cherries, or spend this much money, or do fertility yoga...It's so stressful, all these decisions. I know from your posts you've had a helluva couple of weeks, and now that the dust is settling (yay for kitty's hop!), you're probably sleep-deprived and absolutely exhausted. As everyone else is saying, this is your cycle - we can search through all these blogs and IF forums and find stories that cheer us up or make us want to pull our hair out. You are the only you there is, and your story is yet to unfold. I, too, want to remind you to be gentle with yourself right now. Get some extra sleep, eat some yummy healthy food, go easy, and breathe. Sending you lots of love and positive energy. XOXO

  7. this is why I wanted to know if they test you for other things. if, for exmple, you should have a clotting disorder you would be treated before the DE cycle begind. I have a friend who has MTHRFR(?) and never got pregnant at cornell. they discovered her issue at nyu befor IVF #4. she now has a little girl. I just don't want you to go through anymore heartache. I'm "watchin' out for ya!"

  8. OMG! so sorry for the typos! how ridiculous!


  9. Hooray for kitty jumping the barrier and making an escape attempt. All your tender care is paying off! And I'm glad you made a decision about the donor that you feel good about. I don't know who could possibly afford $30k without maxing out credit cards, which I wouldn't recommend. And you know, EB, if I could email you some pie, I surely would!

  10. Wow -- 30K made me gulp; that's for sure. Isn't it something---I would love to try IVF again after the FET didn't work, but even at 15-17K I think it's simply out of our reach. I wish I had something really insightful to offer about all the decisions. I think Mad Hatter said it all really well. The options are all wonderful because they hold the promise of maybe working; and they all suck because often they don’t work. No one wants to be here making these choices. Weighing the odds, the costs, the timing, the uncertainty. Everyone navigates as best they can, drawing on experience, learning terrain and drawing their map all at the same time. It seems like most of my “what ifs” boil down to trying to control something that is barely steerable, let alone controllable; so the bottom line, I think, is to try be on a path where you’ll be able to look back and be okay with it, no matter the outcome. From your past writing, it sounds like you totally are. You’re on your path. You will do your thing; it will work (I hope and pray) or it will not and you will move to the next thing. For now, I wish for you a night of easy rest, a (dry, eating, healing) snuggly kitty, and a sunny morning with a soul-centering walk and a cup of super-strong, perfect coffee. Love to you,

  11. Elizabeth is right. It's all very difficult and we all try to cope the best way we know how. Your support system with your blog remains very strong. Everyone is pulling for you. Also remember, with this DE you're in the percentage of more successes than failures. It's understandable to have doubts, it's human. We're all scared of growing old alone (significant others not included). If our pets lived as long as humans I think it would be an added comfort. You also have the advantage that you've been pregnant before. So you know that your body is capable of that. Stats are usually higher in these cases because that is one area that is not up in the air. Others who've never gotten a positive before have no idea whether or not their bodies will allow an egg to implant. I think your chances of success are much better than normal. Which would put you in a very high bracket.

    I would stick with decaf (sorry Elizabeth). The other thing that I wanted to mention, although I guess it's too late. Is that I do know that a lot of practices offer 3 tries for one price and the promise of a "live baby" or you get a full refund. This is for DE's. I guess many of them feel confident enough that it will work. It was just something to put out there.

    Great news about kitty's leap. Sounds like she's coming around. Take it as a sign that hope is alive! Try to rest and don't forget to smile once in a while.