Sunday, December 6, 2009


That's me singing ... rather well as it turns out. Jill - you saved my life with the tea suggestion- thank you!. Even tho I stood next to the worst singer who has no idea that she shouldn't be singing and is really frikkin annoying .... I had a blast. I thought about all you guys, all we have been through, all we have loved and lost and I sang my alto heart out.

I went to's to buy a new performance skirt since my old ones didn't fit anymore (insert smug smile here). I managed to not only wear but button up a cashmere cardigan I bought for my wedding but didn't fit back then. I felt and looked and sounded great. Not a bad celebration of us and ours.

Back to today. On the road again in an hour. Back to San Fran for a Monday meeting. Ugh. I do hope the airline has changed the damn movies. If not the choices I have left are a wil.l farr.ell movie or one about cancer. Neither one appeals. I downloaded a few documentaries - one about scrabble (I AM SUCH A GEEK) and I do have a Brahms score to prep so at least I have stuff to do.

I am pretty psyched about the whole DE cycle again. I don't want to be, to be honest. I want the fear to control, I want the disbelief to guide, but I am just not in that space. I am excited and I am ... oh no... hopeful. How strange to be afraid of hope.
But fuck it. Lets face it, all I have right now is hope. Can the second DE failure hurt more than the first? Maybe. Maybe not. I will just have to live through whatever happens. I googled low sperm count and De success rates and there wasn't too much I didn't know. Ironically, b-12 shots help increase sperm count and quality and my DH has been getting b12 shots from his diet doctor. I am wondering if the low count last week was just a fluke. He is normally much higher than that.

So, here we are. ET week. Dear Donor - get your groove on and give me some fine quality eggs. Dear Sperm Deity - let his little wigglers be healthy and strong - he deserves the chance to have his own biological kid for so many reasons. And dear DE goddess - please. I beg you, please.


  1. Dear Diva, I am thrilled your concert went beautifully...and that you looked smashing and enjoyed every minute. I wish like hell I could be in SF to meet you tomorrow, but, shit, I spent 12 hours yesterday working and at the moment I don't see any way out of the heap I am under. But wherever I am, I am sending thoughts and prayers every single day that my Christmas Wish this year is that YOU are blessed with a successful pregnancy. It just HAS to work.

  2. hubby and I are documentary freaks. I loved the scrabble documentary. happy travels.

  3. Oh, EB, do stay excited! It is such a wonderful place to be! I want so much for everything to align for you this time - sending you every possible wish that it does!

  4. Yay! So glad the tea helped and you were brilliant I'm sure. Sorry about standing next to Ms. Clueless - I always seem to end up there! Am pleased you are in a happy place (barring a bad airline movie), hope you stay there!