Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Cramps and panic

I started having cramps yesterday. I ate A TON of food - all of it was delicious but perhaps it was too much food. Anyway, I bloated up like a puffer fish (still bloated) and slept for hours. Then I had cramps and.... panicked. I know cramps are normal but somehow I just couldn't get over the fear of this pregnancy being over.
Good news is that there are no cramps today and I am exhausted after visiting a friend for 4 hours. So I think I am still pregnant. I'm not panicked anymore. But I am still a little fearful.

I visited my friend because she is having a very surprising reacting to adopting a dog. She's wanted a dog for as long as I have known her. They finally decided to adopt this year. She has what can only be described as post natal depression. She is depressed and can't bond with the dog, she hasn't slept or eaten in three days. She was in tears. All she wants is to give the dog back but she is racked with guilt. The dog needs training and is very underweight but all told is a healthy cute dog. She is totally and utterly overwhelmed by the responsibility of 'loving' something. She was in tears for 4 hours worried about how everyone would feel and react to her giving the dog back, wondering why she didn't want to be around the dog.

Sometimes it is interesting to see life outside the IF world. How we are all connected and struggling. I wonder what it will be like to bring home a baby after so many years of it being IF.


  1. Sorry about the cramps and the worry - glad you are feeling better today...aren't symptoms a pain in the ass? On one hand we long for them and on the other we fear them. We want the right ones, not the wrong ones, but it's so fricking hard to tell the difference!

    That's really curious about your friend. As a dog owner myself, I can understand how overwhelming it can be at first. I hope she can get some support to determine what she needs to do.

    After IF, I think babyhood and childhood will be just fine, but I have often imagined what it will be like when they are a teenager and they mouth off, as teenagers do - it will be so hard to bite my tongue and not say, "After 8 long years of trying to have you and pumping my body with hormones and drugs and spending X amount of dollars, that's the thanks I get??!!"


  2. Just had to laugh a little when reading your post regarding you getting panicked (not that you getting panicked was funny). What I mean is that I knew it was coming. You are one of us. We read every sign there is to read, negative or positive. I know you've had bad experiences in the past, but this shouldn't be one of them. Remember, this is a young healthy 5 day blast! Try to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. Go to your acupuncturist if it's allowed. Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice!

    I just wanted to weigh in on the matter of disclosure. Just remember, once you tell someone you can never untell it. Of course, I'm coming from an Italian family of blabbers. My mother couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. I never told my family of my IVF's. I couldn't bare the questions or handle telling everyone if they didn't work (and they didn't). It was and still is difficult though. I would like them to know all that I've been through. But sometimes others reactions are not what we needed or expected. Which can hurt. Especially if coming from our loved ones. Thank God for the blogging world!

    Please, please, please don't let your pregnancy slip by without really appreciating it! You've waited so long!


  3. Your friend is experiencing buyers remorse. I get that. All. The. Time. When I adopted my amazing and beautiful Pekingese (1 month after losing my beloved Pekingese of 16 years), I couldn't bond. I even disliked her. I cried and went wild with anxiety. I wanted to return her to the rescue. My best friend BEGGED me to give it 1 month and if I still felt the same, return her. So I looked at it as if she was on loan only and I would definitely get rid of her. A couple of weeks later, I took her to Dunkin Donuts and bought her a few munchkins and when I went to the car, she recognized me and started to claw at the window with excitement. My heart melted into pools of butter. A month later I adored her to pieces. Today, I would probably donate my kidney if she needed it - I love her more than ANYONE in the world. Yeap, a little dog.

    As for your cramps - you're fine!

  4. oh dear - not fun for you and your poor friend. Glad that you are feeling better after the scary bits!
    I had a friend who that happened to and she took the dog back and now is a mom and perfectly able to take care of her baby. It's odd though.
    Can your friend get some help from someone so she doesn't feel overwhelmed? Anti depressants? I feel for her and you're a good friend to help her out.
    Other idea is to have her foster a dog first and see if she can do it and bond with it as it's only temporary.
    Hope you feel better and no more cramps for you!

  5. I think change is hard even when it is good change, anticipated change, wanted or even desperately wanted change...

    wanting is this big wide open question
    having is, well, having and it is a whole lot different which does not mean bad, it is just, different-- I feel for your friend, I really do. I so get it.
    and you, my dear, revel when you can, worry when you need to, and never hesitate to ask for reassurance from us or from your doc. I am so happy for you, I truly am. So very excited.

    Expect some cramping, your uterus will be growing to accommodate your little one(s) so there will be some weird sensations in there. Hang in there and know we are all pulling for you!
    XOXO and happy new year,

  6. When I was concerned about cramps early in my pregnancy I did some research (I'm sure you've done it too). Side cramps that are intermittant are generally fine. A sharp, chronic cramp located low and squarely in the center (like AF cramps) that persists is more worrisome. So hopefully you just had the former.

    Interesting, and kind of sad, really, about your friend and the dog. I hope she gives it just a little more time and I'm sure she'll bond. Change is always hard. Even desired change. New job. Marriage. Baby. Puppy. Moving. They all require adjustment and incorporating unfamiliar activities into our lives.

    I think you'll adjust to bringing home a baby just fine!