Friday, March 5, 2010

Twins in the city

I went to my first twin class yesterday. 16 people (sorry 15, DH couldn't make it!) from 6.30pm to 9.30pm led by a vivacious and very old school New York type women in a cool space in SOHO.

I did learn a great deal but that isn't what this post is about.

I have to tell you about the people in the group, one couple in particular who where hilarious.

So, there I was, clad in Eileen Fisher coz it's the only thing I had that was clean and comfortable. With the exception of a young couple in their 20s, we where all 30's, 40's and one women looked like she was in her late 40s. GOOD ON HER!

My concerns were mostly medical - what can I do about post partum depression, especially since I am prone to anxiety? Do I have to have a CSection? To doula or not to doula?
Then there was hippy couple. Cotton clad and concerned for about all things organic. Poor momma had round ligament pain at was 31 weeks and had to lay on the floor. Her hubbie was clearly weary of all the helping her up but put on a brave face for the crowd. Then there was the Japanese couple who said very little but when they did where funny, self depreciating and a pleasure to be with. The guy was so proud to be a dad-to-be!

Now for the others...
Least offensive of the offensive crowd was "Tod and Jilly'. Jilly was 28 weeks and clad in L.ulu L.emon. Perfect little bump, perfect fake messy hair, expensive track shoes and subtle but very sparkly bling. Tod was in a pink shirt (sorry, what is with that) and was just 'super', everything was just 'super' and he couldn't wait to get the little ones out to the Hampton's and hopes they don't have the same issue as last year when their nanny didn't want to live in the Hampton's for the summer (I was left with a little bit of puke in my mouth after that comment)

But the award goes to 'SuperDuper' couple. Him: chalk grey pin stripe suit with fancy socks and the most expensive phone I have ever seen, what looked like real ivory glasses, legs crossed with sprawling arms and attitude to make you want to poor coffee down his pants. Her: 28 weeks pregnant. 4 inch heels, sheer black stockings, little black dress and rolex watch. His main concern: why are the toys so ugly? Hers: what's the best way to get the 3 month olds to Rome in the summer?

I burst out laughing.

Do I sound horribly judgemental? Well, I am. Actually she wasn't that bad. I think she dressed like that to please him. He was so self important and so mean. He said how he couldn't wait to throw out her maternity pillow and 'garb'. WHAT AN ASSSSSSS

Everyone wanted to know about the latest strollers, the best cribs, where to hire 'the staff". Everyone except me and the young couple next to me who nearly fainted when SuperDuper asked " should we have two night nannies and two day nannies or just one night nanny and two day nannies?"

I had to leave when the school talk started. Designer dude wanted to know if he should send both children to the same private school or separate schools. Since he has one daughter already he is talking about paying $100K a year for educating three small children.

Who are these people?? It was like spotting a rare bird that you thought never existed.

I love New York. Most of the people I meet and know are kind and considerate. Most of the people I know send their kids to public schools and think very highly of the education their kids are getting. Most of the parents I know wouldn't dream of spending $4000 on cribs. It was like watching S.ex in the City - entertaining and nothing to do with real life.

I have the second class tonight and this time we are meeting in the Upper East Side. Oh this is gonna be hilarious!!


  1. Yikes! It does sound a bit like a surreal Se.x and the City episode. Hope you find some tidbit of info useful.

  2. Are there any baby classes for the non-crunchy and non-elistist types in NYC? Because seriously i couldn't make it with that bunch,including the all "organic" couple either.Ack!!

    Have you read American Parent by Sam Apple? Funny and so real.

  3. OMG! That is too funny! Gotta love the glimpse into the lives of the super rich who have no touch with reality.

  4. Wow, I'm sort of amazed those people didn't hire their own "pregnancy tutor" instead of stooping to attend a group session. Meanwhile, I sat at our one-day class and picked dog hair from my husband's rumpled t-shirt.

    With so many 30+ folks, you'd think a number of them would be IVF'ers, and more concerned about miscarriage than cribs. Silly me.

  5. OMG! But, not shocking for the city - I hate to say it.

    However, the Upper East Side tonight? Oh man, the stories are gonna get eeeeeeeeeeven better.

    And do share - 'cause I'm a real bitch who LOVES to poke fun at self-important morons who birth and raise children with all things plastic, cold and full of status and form. Oh, they're just brilliant, aren't they?

  6. You totally made my day with this post. I forget that there are really rich stupid people out there all the time. Please please tell
    us more! Can't wait for the next class and more stories. How could you keep a straight face or not tell
    them all to go suck on their faberge eggs?!!!
    Funny!!!!! Those people should try waiting tables for a day!!!

  7. Great stories - hard to believe these are real people and not some scripted parts in a sit-com! I guess it will make you feel more "normal" in comparison - where do these people come from? Maybe they were all nervous the first night? Nah.

    Looking forward to hearing about the UES adventure!

  8. The poor children! Geez, pg with twins and wearing 4" heels! Can't wait for the UES report. This makes me glad I live in Queens.

  9. LOL. Well...I'm not going to any classes so I can live vicariously through yours. :) Admittedly, I could tell the one couple how to get 3 month olds to Italy. We are taking ours in September. They will be 4 months. But that's about it. Have fun at those, will ya?