I get the distinct pleasure of working from home today since everyone is sick in my department :-) Nice re-entry to work after a week of sick myself.
I am reading about 5000 pages of tedious research (but in my oh so comfortable apartment!) The research topic is motherhood and I've been a little uncomfortable all day. Not physically but mentally. You see, the pregnancy has effected my brain power. I am less able to make the analytic leaps that I am supposed to make. I am more emotional over content but here is the weird one... I am more afraid.
I am afraid of getting things wrong, being wrong, arguing or debates. I am afraid I'm not good enough at my job and I'm afraid people can sense it. I feel like everyone else knows what they are supposed to do and I don't. Sometimes in meetings, people ask me a question and I panic - what does the question mean - I stare at them and have to ask them to repeat the question. This isn't good for a strategic advisor! My head just seems to so full and so empty all at the same time.
Lets put this down to hormones shall we? Maybe this is the estrogen hard at work? Maybe this is just pregnancy anxiety? Rather than dealing with all my daily fears (are they still ok? will we make it? what classes should I be signing up for, what tests haven't I done?) I push the anxiety onto my work instead. With all this anxiety it's clear I need the meditation or relaxation classes sooner rather than later!
Ah anxiety, my old friend. Come in, sit down and meet my new friend ... stupid head.