Rack 'em

How many sizes am I supposed to go up?? I mean, hells bells, I have gone up 3 sizes already. You know what's weird, the belly is all frontal loaded and so I look in proportion. Just HUGE!! So my husband can't keep his hands to himself and I look like some Elizabethan Jezebel!!

I am sliding into the third trimester. Can't eat a full meal anymore but hungry all the time. Just had protein waffles and N.utella - oh my oh my oh my. I tried to eat a salad for lunch but I still can't get a taste for it. I hope the little ones are OK with all the carbs, sugar, milk and massage protein hits! Yesterday for breakfast I had a steak!!! I am enjoying eating all the food. It's funny, that a milkshake was such a forbidden fruit just 6 months ago. Now, it's an obligation - gotta get the milk somehow. I did find the best milkshakes. Old fashioned - milk, fruit and ice. Without the ice-cream it tastes completely different and so lovely. Look at me, waxing lyrical about a glass of milk.

I still crave foods from China and Thai. Yeah, no idea what that's about. Oh now I really need some Phad Thai!!

What was/is your food craving?

Ooofa

I am feeling the tiredness coming on. I have been told by many a twinnie mom that the third trimester is all about tiredness and pain. Mmmn fun. Well, I am in week 26 and I am knackered. We went to my friends house to learn how to bath and change a diaper this morning and after that I was just about done. We managed to register and have some lunch and now I am parked in front of the AC in my huge comfy clothing and nodding off!!


Happy to report things are fine with the little monkeys. I saw my OB for 4 mins on Thursday and she did the wand and an u/s!! But she did say heartbeats were good and cervix was good, which, I guess, is all she really gives a crap about. I have another growth scan on June 10th. She asked me if I had any questions and I just looked at her. "What's my estimated due date?" I asked. "aim for 36 weeks, OK, bye" Gee thanks. We have never had a birth plan conversation!

I did download a great AP on my i/phone. Its called laborbags and it has a list of everything you might need split into his and her (things like swimming shorts for him to help her in the shower). I love it because it will help my DH focus - I think he thinks the preparation fairy will swoop down and do everything for us!!

I am nodding off. Hope all is well.

Look Look !

We are under 100 days!!! Oh wow!! 99 days to go - and that's until 40 weeks so what is it really? Oh who cares, its under 100.

Thank you for talking me off the ledge yesterday. After a good nights sleep I am less convinced I managed to kill my little monkeys with two sips of vodka! I haven't seen then for a week and I am extremely happy to be going to see Dr K tomorrow. I may even hire a doppler. I promised myself I wouldn't since I want to try and relax and trust the whole process. Mmmn, maybe I am not as over my little episode as I thought. Maybe I am really worried that I won't get to keep my monkeys - yes, thats is the real worry. The IF curse.

Here is what I shall do to get back to my zen of gestation. I shall hold off on the doppler, I shall start trying to meditate again (my mind is like cats on speed) and I shall download the second season of T.rue B.lood and I shall try to RELAX. Feet up, water by my side, furry purries sleeping close by. And keep on growing my little monkeys. I shall embrace and thank who ever, what ever is keeping these little one's growing and I shall push all my IF thinking into a little box and lock it tight.

Yeah. Sounds like a plan.

Scare

Last night I went to a work 'do'. I asked the bartender for a virgin cocktail and he handed me a lovely tall pink drink. After two sips I thought what is that taste?? OH MY GOD.. I asked the idiot what was in the drink and he smiled and said 'Raspberry vodka and .."
Now, two sips of vodka is no big deal except when you are allergic to alcohol. Yeah.

I woke up this morning and felt dizzy, weak and really queasy. And panicky. My allergy means if I drink any alcohol my body can't process it so I get a hangover from a teaspoon of booze. But of course being pregnant I am super worried that something is super wrong now. I called Dr K. and I got through to the nurse who was basically useless. Wow, what a surprise. She did say if you are worried go to L&D. Gee lady, big kiss to you!!

So, lots of water. I have electrolyte powder with vitamin c etc from my sporty past. Protein and wholewheat for the hangover symptoms and decaf tea and biscuits for my emotions.

It'll be OK, right?

Look at that..

eyes right, people. We are at day 101. I cannot frikkin believe this is still happening!! I still check my TP, my loo, my knickers every single time I pee. I will never take a kick or gurgle or heartburn filled moment for granted. Coming into the third trimester (June 3rd) I am now very aware that walking more than 5 blocks is just not gonna happen. I also look totally pregnant now. I bulged this weekend. I will take a photo, I promise.

So yesterday we were given a double snap and go, a big bag full of baby clothes (ahhhhhhh) two bouncy seats and two ergo carriers by an twin mom. I think we both looked a little shell shocked as we left :-) but here is the funny bit. Everything (and there was a ton) fit into the back of the cab (what is that called, the boot we English call it - trunk!! that's the American word) everything fit into the trunk and that made DH happy!! I swear. The fact that it all fit into the trunk made him happy. What is with guys!!

We put everything into our little storage area and covered it up so the cats hair doesn't get all over. I went through the clothes and put them into ages and then put them away. It was a really generous donation! We now have enough clothing (although she has two boys so I might just get some little girl stuff).

And the most amazing thing happened after all that. DH asked our twin friend if we could come back next weekend and practice on her kids again!! WOW!! He wants to cuddle them again. My evil plan is working. Get him hooked on the free cuddles then make him pay through the nose for his regular fix with our kids... he he he.

NICU & tears

Labor and delivery tour at Corn.ell was weird. Nerve racking due to the million rules and requests. I think it was a little bit overwhelming for DH ... oh lets not go there. I got a bit pissed off with all the DH angst. By last night I was just about done with what 'DH needs'. I was worrying about the fact what he was worrying that he didn't want kids and here I was, tyring to persuade him he wanted kids whilst 6 months pregnant and it all got too much. We went to she Sh.rek and by the time we got home I had to go to the bedroom and cry. Big fat tears.

Woke up feeling fine. I'm over it today. So I guess it was hormones!

Yesterday I didn't change the baby diaper - waaaaaay too much poop - but I did feed one a bottle and oh man I loved every moment. I had lots of cuddles and just couldn't stop inhaling that baby smell. Cannot WAIT till mine get here. Don't care what anyone else feels, says or does, I get to be there with my kids. The kids that I waded through hell and back to get. The kids that are the gift I never thought I would ever get the chance to have. Kids. My kids. My little monkeys.

Big smiles today. Big fat smiles.

You too!

I met someone I used to work with in Starbu,cks today who is 22 weeks pregnant with a singleton. She is bigger then I am. I was told by the OB that my 'cradle' is a great shape for childbearing since it is very deep and round but I am 25 weeks with twins and she as like 'oh I wondered but didn't want to ask!"
Maybe I should start wearing maternity clothes -really obvious ones, the empire waist shirts, and t-shirts that say pregnant not fat!!

I am soooo tired. Too tired. Everyone around me is having a hard emotional time. My dear friend adopted a dog and have nursed the big ole mutt back to health but he bit someone and now is being aggressive and she has to return him to the shelter. The trainers think the dog just can't handle NYC. This is the same friend that lost her ma in January and has no end of bad luck since. She is so sad and I just feel so bad for her. And then DH, well, we know the story there. I find when someone is upset it drains my energy. So weird.

Tonight is the NICU tour. Get ready for DH to melt down tomorrow.

Have a lovely Friday everyone, and a wonderful weekend. Let the sun shine...

Good intentions...

Didn't get around to the belly pic. I shall try tonight. I didn't get around to the pic coz Dh is melting down at a rate of nots, or is it knots? The way I see it, we have the time and space to focus on him right now. We have the ability to make sure his anxiety is managed and is panic is kept within 'normal' ranges. I am physically pregnant and he is emotionally pregnant. So, this is his time. Do I resent not being the center of attention. I guess so, on some level. But to be honest, every day I keep my kids growing in me is the gift of a lifetime so, really, I'm OK with concentrating on him for a couple of months.

As is my reaction to everything I googled and read blogs by dads of twins. I found a great blog by a dad who detailed how stressful it was for him during the pregnancy, how his anxiety levels shot through the roof when he thought about the two humans that were on the way. And then how the moment he held them, all that anxiety just melted away.

This is my hope and prayer for my DH.

Shelf arse, friends and DH

Good lord people, how on earth would i do that!! I have a ton of awards and gifts from folks that I ought to put on my blog page but I have NO IDEA how to do it. I am a techno-idiot. Another issue is that I have two bellies and two arses. The bellies I can deal with but seriously, I have a shelf ass! I have my normal seat of plenty and then this shelf that sits on top of it! I don't want that out in the internets thank you very much!
OK OK I shall take the photo tonight and give it good ole British try to post tomorrow. Yikes. Shield your eyes.

What would I do without my friend C. So, she pointed out that my maternity leave is based on my going to 40 weeks. Which is somewhat silly since most twins are born at 36 weeks. And to that end, I have booked myself on holiday from 36 weeks with a warning to my colleague that I might be out before. She went ashen and smiled a weak smile and said "oh, ok"

That means I have only June and July to get through. OH MY GOD!! I am so happy. I wonder what they will smell like, you know, that new baby smell. I wonder what they will feel like in my greedy arms?

I wanted to take a moment to thank my DH. DH is a bit of a wreck and even so he cuddles me every moment he can, strokes my feet and hair, back and shoulders. He works long hour, comes home and works relentlessly to get the kids room cleared out and ready for painting and decorating. He is so close to panic most days that he vibrates. I know he will love having a family and he will be great with the kids because I see how he has blossomed through marriage and homemaking. Thank you, sweetie, for everything.

two babies, two bellies

I have two bellies. One is the regular pregnancy belly and the other looks like the other kid. Its a little pregnant Buddha belly. Not attractive, no, but since I don't give a damn ...! Talking about attraction - I had two guys flirt with me today. Now, I am preggers - about the same size as a singleton at 7 - 8 months. I waddle. And these creepy guys think its cool to flirt. EWWWWWWWWW.

Working is getting harder. I just don't have any energy. I am eating and drinking lots of water yada yada but I think this is just the way its going to be from now on.. I have 8 weeks left of work. I think I shall take some vacation in August. Not full time but really reduce the hours I work - like to 2 days or something. I am day dreaming of my bed right now!!!

On Saturday morning my dear friend C will let me and husband loose on her twinnies. We are going to change actual baby diapers. I figured this would be the best way to get DH into the groove and bless him, he agreed. I hope he finds his zen since he has his Buddha already!

fat cat & baby essentials

I am trying to write this post with a fat cat lodged beneath my chin. Remember last summer when my cat Moxie got very sick. Well, she aint sick now - just enormous. And cuddly. She is upside down with her little paws in the air waiting for me to scratch her belly!

Last night we went to the hospital 'baby essentials' class. We got our very own little dolls to practice holding, changing and feeding. OK. I learnt quite a bit. How to pick up a new born in the three holds - swaddle, football and the upside down football. I did find the breast feeding instructions useful - nipple to nose, tease till mouth wide open and then bring the baby onto the boob. We were introduced to the platex bottle drop-in feeder system - which does look good so check it out if you are interested in breast and bottle feeding. Other common sense stuff - don't use any soap on a new born baby, don't put your kid under a running faucet, use rectal thermometers only (!) and don't use plush bumpers in the cribs coz they are dangerous.

However, the nurse running the class just irritated the living crap out of me. She kept saying "Oh I am so mean". Well, lady, you weren't mean, you were grandiose but hey, who's playing psychologist. Every class we go to the leader seems to think we have joined the marines of parenting or something. I sat next to a women from Argentina who was in hysterics thru most of the class!! You could say the non American contingent got a poor attention grade - especially when she got to the bit about not traveling overseas with your kids!

I guess I'm an optimist but it seems to me that there are billions of people on the planet and that means billions of babies that survived without momma going to 12 hours of baby classes etc! The nurse was adamant that even with the night nurse I get up to do the night feed. Well, I'm not so sure. If I pump enough during the day doesn't that mean the nurse can feed the kids and isn't that the point of hiring her in the first place!!! My kids, my rules.
Oh then she started on the c-section. I should go to lamaze classes, consider a "natural' birth. Gosh, I got to 6 months preggers with twins and never considered these options. What's that? You run a class and its only $300! Shocker.

It may be the hormones or it may be denial but the closer I get to actually holding and having my kids the less inclined I am to buy into the whole shock and awe approach. I expect it to be smelly, loud, frustrating as well as wonderful, amazing and awesome. As an adventurer that sounds like fun to me!!

So my new mantra: my kids, my rules.

111 ...

... days to go.

The 6 month ultrasound showed my little monkeys are in the 50% singleton range. I was so happy! I was worried that they would be large or small or whatever. Every time I lay down on the table I think - please, please, please. You know what I mean. I wonder if 'regular' pregnant women think this? I wonder if they worry at every quiet moment, every test no matter how trivial.

We have decided on a crib. I went with the safest and best value crib on the consumer reports. I thought, I doesn't look like the crib I wanted but it's safe and tested and proved. We have decided on a stroller - thanks C - the city select.

It looks like we are actually doing this!!!

Question of the day: when did you send out your registry info? Also when did you have your shower?

On the eve of the 6th month

I weighed myself. I am 16 pounds up. 2 pounds over my target (doc only wants 1 pound a week coz I am a fatty). I was pretty shocked but my friend C put me right! I am sitting here my pants undone and my boobs growing by the moment. I have the glow and I love it all. Even my huge arse.

Wow, 6 months. I think I shall have a little celebration for the monkeys tomorrow. Take my team out for lunch or something. I guess this means I have 3 months to go. I am 14 weeks to my 38th week. My heart just did a flip-flop! I know I should be terrified of the sleepless nights, the problems, the screaming and all that. But really, I am so excited. I am totally freakin' psyched. I will have tons of help (night nurse, mothers help and a nanny when I go to work). I don't care if they scream and cry. I don't care if they puke all over me all the time. I just want to hold them, to be their mum. I want my kids in my arms safe and sound.

Random

So I'm at somewhat of a loose end at work. I have a mountain of things to write but hell, without a deadline biting my heels I am useless. I was supposed to be in Chicago working my arse off at a conference. But I didn't go and now, well, I have nothing on my calendar today!!

So, I did something just awful - I went in to the office for the morning and then just grabbed a bunch of old files, marched out, looking stern and pissed off and went straight to Bloo.mingda.les to check out the sales and now I am at home watching TV!!!! Oh yes. Oh yes. I am playing HOOKY!

Got a nice pair of blue linen pants for the summer. Must remember to take the files back to work tomorrow. hehehehehehe.

First gifts

Booties from Mothercare (in the UK). I guess its time to let people know we have a registered at Giggle and BBRU. I just think its a bit cheeky. We are both employed and all that. And yet, we have so much to do and buy with the munchkins that we do really need to the help. we have about ten 'aunts and uncles' which is my ungodly way of having god parents. Then we have my family in the UK and my DH has a small group of folks in the USA.
But why do I feel so bad about telling people??

How would you handle it? How did you handle it?

Mother's Day

Happy Mothers Day to us all ... those wanting, those waiting and those wading through it.
I am blessed by your support and insight. You are all great moms as far as I am concerned!!

Top Ten Twin Tips

This is a post for twinnies.

Here are some things I have learnt from our mentor.

1. Scheduling - work on a 12 hour shift system: 7 to 7 and stick to it. It is really hard, apparently in the beginning but try as hard as you can. Write everything down (feeding, diapers, problems with times) - it will really help you & your kids docs.
2. black out shades & crib light. The crib light is really important for night time changes (don't have to turn all the lights on and wake up baby b) - we can't find any that aren't really cheesy!
3. sheet savers - these are usually put under a singleton length wise. But with twins they are put under each of them as they share the crib. That way, if one pee's over his/her diaper you change the little sheet and not the whole thing (and twin b gets to stay asleep).
4. In line strollers - she doesn't like 'em. They are ripe for fighting and screaming meltdowns ("I want the front seat") and they can't really get in and out on their own when they get older.
5. Diapers - if you don't use the pampers pee indicator - put toilet paper in the diaper to see if they have 'gone'.
6. Diaper Bag - get a lined messenger bag (not a trendy diaper bag). It needs to be big with lots of pockets and buy ton of varied zip lock bags.
7. Emergency Zip Lock - each kid has their own zip lock bag: set of clothes, wipes, diaper, formula (single serve), garbage bag. Keep these in the stroller.
8. Bottles - She swears by Dr Browns & Advent has some new bottle coming out that reduce gas. Get a dishwasher caddy/drying table and keep it in the Dishwasher. Set the dishwasher to high heat and you don't need to sterilize the bottles before use once they have been through the cycle.
9. Keep them awake once you have fed them - no matter how tired you are.
10. Play when they are supposed to be awake - bounce them, walk around outside. That way the sleeping schedule is easier.


And bonus points: don't spend a fortune on cribs unless you can afford it - with twins sleeping solutions need to be assessed as they grow.

Under 120 at 23 weeks

I just realized that the ticker has us at under 120 days. Whoohoooo! Love it. My wonderful friends are asking about the gift registry - i.e. where the hell is it! I think I shall ask DH to start one with the list we got from our twin mentor. Give him something else to do!

I was looking at the calendar and I think I shall sneak out of work early towards the beginning of August. I shall "work from home" as much as possible. I do find that the warmer weather is making me oh so tired so I can only imagine what the third trimester is like! I can't help but think that the gift of these little lovelies is made all the more amazing by the fact they will here for Autumn, my favourite time of year.

Today is my little kicking duo's 23rd week pre-birthday. Happy pre-birthday little ones, I'll have a milkshake to celebrate.

Starting to be really pregnant.

I have popped out even further. Actually, my belly isn't all that huge for a twin pregnancy at almost 6 months (holy crap, 6 months). The weight was unexpected - both little ones feel like bowling balls and when they are active, like this am, it is somewhat painful. I think I had a butt or head jammed into something on my left side this morning ... ouch!!

I love carrying them around tho. Feeling them and thinking about them and rubbing the mound. My boobs are starting to be pregnant women boobs, HUGE and heavy. When I get home from work I kick off my shoes and suit and lay on the bed all cuddled up in my body pillow and with the furry ones close by. It's one of my favourite time of day. As is cuddling up with DH. He is so loving these days. Texting me the most romantic and wonderful thoughts. Stroking my stinky New York City feet and rubbing the mound till one or both start playing with his hand. They love thier dad, that's for sure - his touch sends them into a tizzy.

We are both very anxious but managing through as best we can. Dh said the other day " I wish they were here in my hands, safe" and it struck me. He is infertile too, at least in his experiences. He is worried something will go wrong just as I am. I still check my underwear EVERY TIME I go to the loo.

BUT

I did a wild, foolish and potentially brave thing last night. I started out registry. Yes, I signed up at one of the two stores we are getting all the baby gear from. Very cool. I stayed away from actually useful stuff - bottles and burping blankets and have put cute dresses for her and mobiles and storage bins! But it's a start.

AND

I have in the house a breast pump. Bought new from a friend that didn't really get to use it. It's in the apartment. An actual baby thing. WOW. Not that I have opened it or anything.. hell I'm not that brave!!!!!

Question for the oricles of the internet: What crib did you buy and why?

normal range

My platelets have been a cause for concern. They dipped down to the 130s and at Corne/ll they like 'em higher. Well, my latest test came back at 150! Yippee. Well within the normal range. No cause for concern.

It's amazing how much deep down anxiety I have over all this. Nearly six months in and whilst I feel great, happy even, I have this turmoil of anxiety I can barely recognize in my conscious day. Denial - yes please~!~

Cervix ha ha

I called Dr J since she has had my cervix under careful watch from the beginning. She asked me in to measured it. 3.75cm. Not 2.75 which is what Cornel.l had the first time or 3.00 which is what Cornel.l had the second time. Dr J printed out the measurements and my history to give to Dr K.
I swear. Cl may have the best NICU in town and they may have even won best hospital 9 years in a row but damn me, they are not the best at patient care.

Dr J did see some liquid near the cervix and told me to take it really easy. I had planned on going back to work after seeing her but the request from my dear Polish friend and the fact that I busted out of my bra meant I was homeward bound.
Yes, folks, I busted through my bra. I have had a hard time watching my ass get bigger, my arms get flabby and now my tata's are so heavy that I need to get those reinforced 1950s constructions to hold them in!!

I am nearing the 6 months mark so I thought I would do the stats thing.

Weight gain: 12.4 pounds
Maternity clothes: tops yes (for belly coverage) bottoms up a size seems to be fine.
Wedding ring: on
Stretch marks: already had 'em!!
Food cravings: Phad Thai

Hotter than a brazilian dancer's armpit

Good grief its hot today. I broke out the linen and summer tops (summer PREGNANCY tops :-)). Our apartment doesn't have central and the A/C is all packaged up still so here I am, melting on the couch. At least I get to go to the theatre this afternoon although with all the Times Square shenanigans last night who knows how long I shall be schlepping around!

Rested tons since Friday. We managed to go out for diner last night but that was only to a local place and it took less then two hours. The heat is a killer. At least I can now mentally plan ahead to trimester 3 in NYC summer heat. I ordered some linen pants for work, dug out my cotton dresses for the weekend (thank goodness we had the maxi dress craze last year) and ordered a bunch of prego t-shirts from Target (great value for money) and Gap.

All in all, I would say I am getting ready for THE HOME RUN.

Wow. June 3rd is the start of our 3rd Trimester. We are both running on anxiety right now although I am also very happy and excited. DH ... well, not so much. He is not sleeping, has horrid allergies and generally is as tense as a tennis racket. I am going to start making us really healthy meals so at least he has a ton of fuel in him. Maybe get some massages booked. I hope he can make it to the finish line!