Friday, November 20, 2009

sunny side up

Decided against the cleanse - the first shake tasted like crap!! So I had a healthy three cups of coffee (blue door coffee from SF) and will grab some lunch at some time today.

Feeling much more chipper today after a good nights sleep. Amazing what sleep deprivation does to me. I am such a sensitive soul. I weighed myself this am and i have only gained one pounds which can be easily lost with some long walks and good choices. I decided to give myself a break till the end of the year. maintain where I am, not gain and then when January comes around I can see what's what.

I get sudden bursts of excitement about the DE cycle. Something has changed, for sure. It's like I realized that this time around the percentage of chance is much lower (for no reason I can determine, but there you go) so it's like "hey, what the hell, give it a go". Last time I was so determined to be successful. Laughable in its arrogance. Oh well. I suffered the punishment of that arrogance that's for sure. I also keep thinking, somewhere out there a teenager is shagging her boyfriend standing on one leg (coz that means you don't get preggers right?) and they are making my little one. My little one is being created right now and they know I am coming for them. We know we are meant to be together. When they look at me, they will sense my heart is theirs. When I look at them, my heart will start beating for the first time.

Random thought....
I watched a documentary on the plane. SOLO. It was about this chap, And.rew M.cAuley, an extreme adventurer who attempted to kayak across the stretch of water between Australia and New Zealand. To put it in some perspective the trip took about 30 days and there were NO other vessels out there coz the ocean is too rough. Too rough for those enormous tracking ships or navy vessels. He was advised by the coast guard and everyone he knew not to do it for the sake of his wife and son.
Andrew was lost at sea within sight of the New Zealand coast. He most probably died from hypothermia/drowning due to exhaustion when his Kayak capsized.

His best friend, another adventurer, explained that this need ... to cross the water, to conquer the challenge, to undergo the extreme adventure was not adventuring but a weakness. it was a weakness because he put his own life before his family.
Thought that was interesting.


  1. I'm glad you're feeling good about the next DE cycle. It's so important to keep our expectations in check. It's extremely difficult, but will save us some heartache in the end. I'm looking forward to your next cycle!

  2. It is the holidays after all...enjoy a little egg nog and pumpkin pie. If you're careful you should be able to maintain and still eat a few holiday goodies.

    Not sure why you think your chances with DE this time are lower, but feeling calm and unstressed about it is a good approach. New doctor, new cycle, new hope. And yeah, otherwise, a sweet baby unexpectedly conceived by some teenager will find his or her way home - straight to you.

    Interesting comment about the documentary. I never understood risking one's life for a thrill. Particularly when a child is home, waiting for daddy's return, with big eyes and anxious heart.

  3. I loved that documentary -- felt the same way about him that I did about the "into thin air" people: hubris is a very dangerous thing.

    I'm glad glad that you are feeling better about the world. "when I look at them, my heart will start beating for the first time" is beautiful. I hope that all that love you have finds its home soon.

  4. The documentary sounds interesting. Thanks for posting about it. Maybe netflix has it.

  5. Mr. W and I tried a cleanse over the summer. We lasted about 7 days or so. It was awful. I was so sick and miserable from it. I think in moderation they might be ok. Ours was really strict. Anyway, don't blame you for bagging it. In fact, your body is probably happy to stay right where it's at now and not make any major changes.

  6. It's funny, the first thing that comes to mind when learning that the guy has a wife and child is, "Doesn't he care about them? So selfish." Oh God does that mean that all of us obsessed IFers are a bit selfish?! Perhaps. I still have a lot of mountains to climb I guess.

    Maintaining your weight is an excellent idea. Particularly around the holidays. Not gaining is a definite plus. Nice post. Got me thinking.