Went to Ju.de La.w in Hamlet last night. I was told by friends that have already seen it not to expect too much. It was kinda good. They took a few liberties with the script but on the whole Mr Jud.e was very watchable. It was like Hamlet for dummies.
Ophelia was totally crap though. Holy hell in a hand basket make her stop!!!! She sang the madness songs like she was in a ancient version of Re.nt and her idea of madness is wide eyes and shaking head.
She should inject L.upro.n for a year and then do the frikkin scene. Madness is not wide eyed distraction. It's desperate and all encompassing. It's desire for something so unattainable that you can think of nothing else, speak of nothing else, be nothing else other than this body of desire. Madness is knowing one thing but feeling something completely else. It is looking at the faces of those you love only to wonder why you love them, why you chose them, why they love you if you cannot keep life alive in you. Madness is paying for all the treatments even after you promised yourself once was enough. Madness is the addiction to treatment. Madness is the bills, piling up and straining every resource you have. Madness is holding your stomach and imagining for only a second that all is possible only to realise that there is no child in your body, no life to protect that is not your own.
Madness is success, hearing the heartbeat and feeling the life whilst everyday struggling to protect your thoughts from the deepest fears of loss felt all too often, pain felt with regular normality and depression so profound that breathing is a choice.
Would I prefer to be the mom of the first pregnancy I had. Yes. But I am not. I miscarried and many time again. So, this IF journey has made me mad and through that madness I feel free and strong. Hamlet may be the hero of Shakespeare's play but for the first time in my life I feel that I am the hero of my story. As are you of yours.