Thursday, May 5, 2011

finding balance in the marriage.

Past week or so have been a bit surreal around here.
DH and I went to a couples session. We go monthly or so just to keep the wheels on straight. I have been getting increasingly frustrated by DH's lack of 'stepping up to the plate' (remember operation GTFU?) but there is also a financial inequity in our home. When we married we split the expenses down the middle while retaining full ownership of our original assets. When we started to try to get pregnant we decided to just go all in. Or at least I thought we had.

Without me really noticing the situation has become what's mine is ours and what's his is...his.

The therapist addressed it in a really forthright manner. It turns out that the DH's support group that's run by this therapist have been basically yelling at DH for a while about this. People in his group told him that they would have left him, that he is failing the marriage agreement and that he is basically being a selfish and childish.

Whilst DH is kind of addressing the issues, I don't think he has accepted responsibility for the situation being unbalanced. And, if I am honest I'm getting more and more frustrated waiting for the promises to materialize. He speaks in the future tense a whole lot.

Last night, after speaking with the therapist alone I thought he would come home with a plan or with resolve. But they didn't really talk about 'it' apparently. . He seemed relieved that  all the talking is done and we can get back to normal.  My reaction was to be bitterly disappointed. I really had believed that he was going to step up to the plate.

I know Rome wasn't built in a day but damn me, could we at least see the blueprints??


  1. Ugh. Double, quadruple ugh...
    How about going weekly for a while?

  2. Got to admit...this makes me sort of glad to be single. Hope it gets ironed out soon.

  3. Right? Some blueprints, a plan, even just an outline with headers. I hear your pain. We don't have much "equality" here either. DH doesn't mind paying household bills, but I can count on one hand the baby things (other than food) that he has paid for - including Christmas and birthday gifts for the baby! Plus, I still do the lion's share of baby care. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to change it. I do know it festers and creates resentment. I hope the counseling meetings will help it change for you.