Friday, March 18, 2011

nursing ... goodbye

I tried to keep going. I lugged the machine and then the hand pump on 20 flights so far. When was the last time the kids actually got the milk ? I can't remember. So....

I stopped.

I haven't pumped in 36 hours.

My period is here (second time since I gave birth) and so my boobs hurt and I have period pains. Lovely.

I am so guilt ridden I'm crying all the time. I try and reason that they are now on solids so its OK.  I feel so lazy and selfish. I would prefer to strike this from my 'to do list' even tho there is plenty of evidence that's really important to my kids.

What is wrong with me.


  1. Nothing is wrong with you. If you recall I felt the same way when I stopped nursing. I was mourning the loss of connection with my twins realizing that they are probably the only children I'll ever nurse. I was so sad about it that DH asked if I were sad for the babies or for me and my answer was I was sad to stop. The babies ( on solids and formula) didn't seem to notice or even care. 3 weeks later I've made the transition and although I live breast feeding, I don't muss the schedule or the pressure to conform to the schedule. Thinking of you during this time.

  2. Hey EB -- just checking in to say please don't beat yourself up about this. You have done and are doing a great job. You nursed at all, and really, for a long time, especially considering you are working. Your babies have received the benefits of breastmilk already -- and they are by all accounts thriving. I think you know, I had to go back to full-time work when Liam was about 7 weeks old. I pumped and saved and all of that (even though my milk supply had always been pretty dismal) until the travel really started kicking in and then, I sort of just tapered off until I wasn't doing it any more. It was sad. I felt like a failure (although no more than my general feelings of failure since I never quite got the supply issue down). And none of those feelings were helpful to me or Liam, so I had to let them go. One thing I try to remember is that by working and being successful at my job I provide a stable income, which is also important, n'est pa? Love you,

  3. This is a reaction I've heard a number of times when one stops breast feeding. The sense that you're not needed or like others mentioned the connection or daily bond isn't the same. Keep that head up, in a few weeks you'll see that this is for the best. Keep us posted and our thoughts are with you.