Tuesday, September 7, 2010


I feel guilt. Mostly over breast feeding. I do it and I pump but not enough. This is becoming somewhat of an issue for me. Instead of typing this post I should be pumping. But I have the washing to get, the apartment to tidy, the boy to change (son, not husband) and about three thousand phone calls to make.

I want to just give up the whole breastfeeding thing and then guyilt over takes me I throw a baby at my enormo boobs. I go back to work in three weeks. What am I thinking!!! I should just give up. But I can't . AHHHHHHHHH.

I also feel guilt that I am not totally bonded to the kids yet, that I am bored yet exhausted at home.

OK I should go pump since the kids are not screaming and I have 30 mins till feed.


  1. Dont feel guilty, you need to do whats best for you and your family, if breastfeeding is making you miserable then give it up. I lasted 7 weeks and then just couldn't do it anymore, i was loosing even more sleep pumping after they ate and then over the course of one week i just slowly stop and never looked back. Yes breastmilk is best and anything you have given them is better then nothing at all but my two are healthy and thriving on Good Start, its expensive but worth my sanity!

  2. DO NOT feel guilty! You are an amazing woman, and I can't believe you have done so much with so many obsticles - the amount of BF you have been able to do is great! And please consider supplimenting at least - with twins it is just crazy (IMHO) to BF alone. Of course if you were a lady of leisure you might BF solely, or longer, but this is the real world. Those babies are so lucky to have a wonderful mommy - you need to take care of HER!

    So cut yourself a break, do what you can without killing yourself - the babies are FINE. With or without BF, we are so lucky to HAVE suppliments available!

    Don't beat yourself up over not bonding - it takes a while (at least in my case it did) but at the beginning you are just too tired and overwhelmed. Go take a nap and forget the stupid pump. Your babies will thank you when a (slightly) rested mommy lovingly feeds them a bottle of formula - instead of a frazzled crazy woman on the edge crying over cracked nipples!

  3. You're doing amazingly with everything, so please don't be hard on yourself - those hormones are probably up and down lots and lots, too, so remember that. Kate over at Impatiently Waiting has a breast pump that she can wear while she works...something to look into? Maybe you could wear it while you tidy up or whatever if it's really important to you to be able to do everything you can to breastfeed right now. If not, then there's no shame in supplementing, as noted above. You're a wonderful Mama so don't worry about making the right decision - just know that whatever decision you make, you'll make it right!

  4. I second the "don't beat yourself up" bandwagon! I tried so hard after the c-section with the boys to get them to bf. Then to pump as often as I could...I felt so guilty. I couldn't bf them enough to get my supply up, and I couldn't pump enough to feed them. I ended up weaning myself down to two pumps a day by the time I went to work (10 weeks). Once in the am and once before bed. I was able to give them their "antibody shooters" twice a day. Do I wish that I could have bf them exclusively? yes. Was it worth my sanity? no.

    I carried a good deal of guilt with me until a very pro-breastfeeding friend of mine had twins herself (she exclusively nursed her OTHER 4 CHILDREN). After she had her twins, within 3 weeks she was calling me asking me what formula I used and how the kids were doing on it! Then she needed some comforting...!

    My kids are now 13 months....happy, healthy and doing very well thank-you-very-much!

  5. Okay, you are stressing way too much. Leave the cleaning. Cross off any phone calls that aren't absolutely necessary. Breastfeed as you can and supplement as needed. Some is better than none. :) You are doing a great job as you have so much on your plate right now.

  6. Mommy guilt is a killer. I drummed up a bunch of it over a stupid and HORRIBLE photo session at a crappy in-store studio. Poor Bunny screamed and cried (no nap and freaked out at insane photographer) and yet I allowed the stupid session to continue. = Guilt.

    But look, virtually NOTHING we thought and planned for turned out the way we imagined. Right? I planned for a vaginal birth. A breech baby sent me straight to the C-section check out line. I planned to BF. My child developed a milk protein intolerance that threw a monkey wrench BIG TIME into my BF experience. Yeah, I pumped and donated milk and changed my diet and all that jazz, but you have to do what YOU feel good about and ONLY what you feel COMPELLED to do. Otherwise, it's miserable. And the babies will feel your misery.

    As for bonding, it definitely takes a while to get to know these little people, figure out just who they are, and see just what it is that you LIKE about them. We love them immediately, no doubt. But just this morning I was changing the baby and as we smiled and giggled together, I realized that he seems so different than the strange, screaming, unfamiliar creature I walked the halls with that first night home. I know who this kid is now. I know his faces, his cries, even the wiggle of his fingers. It just takes time and it will come.

    All of that said, your feelings are completely valid and real. It's all one day at a time, and you'll do just fine.

  7. Hi EB,
    Don't beat yourself up over Breastfeeding. I know it's hard, but your hormones are still wacky. I had so much guilt also, but pumping every 3 hours was KILLING ME!!! At 6 weeks, I quit and never looked back. I'm happier, they're happier - everyone is fine. I wasn't producing enough milk anyway, and I was losing sleep and losing my sanity trying to pump every 3 hours. Do what's best for you & the kids. Try not to beat yourself up and take care of YOU>