New

New babies, new approach to life, new blog. Or at least new blog title and look. Instead of not blogging, which as we all know is like therapy only cheaper, I decided to change the focus of the blog. It will still be anonymous and I won't show or reveal my family but I will moan, I mean post, about the ups and downs of life as a mum of twins (hereafter referred to as MOT)!

Posts will be short because the kids have a radar for this blog. Every time I open to either post or read they start to groan and move. EVERY TIME
Ah well.

Welcome to the new blog, new post, new me and new kids. Now, I gotta go ... one of them is crying. And I still love them to pieces - what a great mum I am!!!

Last week of freedom - agenda.

It's my last week of freedom here is what I have planned ...

1. hair cut and color. i really need it
2. massage if allowed by doctor
3. mani-pedi (gift from a lovely 'aunty')
4. movies - on my own and I am having popcorn
5. cuddle time - since the nanny starts full time tomorrow I have 3 days of a full time nanny and no work. Can I tell you how frikkin excited I am!!!!
6. Wardrobe - I am going to go through my clothes - donate the maternity, plus size clothes, organize work and play clothes, unpack my gym clothing and find my gym shoes.


Can anyone say yipee.

Issue #1, resolved.

I asked the nanny what she said /meant and it turns out DH interpreted her comments to fit his own agenda. He is a lazy ass and doesn't want to pick them up, find out what's wrong and solve it. She suggested letting them cry for a moment or two to learn what the cries meant. Apparently when she arrived, they were both screaming and he was frantically trying to plug them up with pacifiers when they weren't tired but hungry.

However, I did get lots of great ideas from you guys and have decided to get the books you recommended.

This is my last week of maternity leave. DAMN my two months went quickly. I am 'phasing' back to work - part time and restricted hours but that doesn't mean too much if there is a problem. November kicks in with a high voltage start - tons of travel and massive meetings. I am already a little nervous about the whole thing. So, until then, I shall ignore work and enjoy my kids, free time (once the nanny gets here) and day time tv!!

Our day.

Sundays, love 'em. No nanny and no DH. Love both but it means I get the kids to myself. I drink tea and try and cuddle. I decided to go with my gut on the picking up topic and ask the nanny what she said to DH and take it from there. She's great but I have a back up, just in case.

My little ones are 6 weeks and the girl is already in size 2 diapers. I couldn't work out why we where having such poopapaloozi episodes. Poo everywhere. Duh! She eats like a horse. She sucks down 90 to 120 ml every 3 to 4 hours. Yesterday, after I was at rehearsals for 6 hours, I came home to kids that ate from 5 - 8pm. For some reason, in the day, they had barely eaten so by the time I came home they were hungry monsters. I breast fed, bottle fed, breast/bottle fed. It was a circus!!

Now, they are asleep (damn I am so tempting fate) and I have some really great decaf coffee and the NYT to read.

Oh crap -she's awake again!!!

Picking up

So, our nanny told my DH that we should not pick the kids up in the day when they cry. I am guessing what she actually said was let them cry a little bit rather than jump to pick them up. However, what if she didn't? What if this is the first of the nanny wars. She is great with kids, no doubt about that. Yet, at 5 weeks, if my kids cry she better bloody well pick them up.

When did you start to hold off on picking them up??

Vomitorium

I was trying to feed both kids at once today (to satisfy them, not me) and must have pushed the bottle a little too forcefully for boy since he looked at me and vomited all over me! I am desperate to keep them on the same schedule but they are such different creatures.

Double feedings are so hard on your own. They are desperately hard when one is a gobbler and the other is puker. I am dreading working again and then having to navigate the nights with two babies. One of them is up to 4 hours but the other - not so much. So, do we encourage little girl to sleep for 4 hours or wake her so they keep on the same schedule. She eats a lot but quickly and he eats less and slowly. Whatever we decide I am guessing we are going to be getting no so much sleep! I guess, like all new parents, sleep training is my Nirvana, my goal of goals!

I have had a sore throat since giving birth. Nothing too harsh but annoying all the same. Today, at my wound check appointment, the I asked the doctor for a thyroid test. We shall see.

worry

The kids got their first shots yesterday - the HepB. According to the doc there shouldn't be a reaction but baby girl is hot. She doesn't have a temperature (at the moment) but she is hot. I do have the nanny helping me today but I'm still worried. She has hardly slept and is super cranky. The kid, not the nanny.

I am also having a hard time giving over the wheel to the nanny. I sound like a spoilt idiot (oh I have a nanny, whaaaaa) but I am a control freak. And they are my kids! The nanny is really great - she is calm and experienced and has been the caretaker of many, many kids. But these are my kids. My little wonders. Oh man. I need to calm down. CALM DOWN YOU CRAZY NEW YORK WOMEN.

Maybe some of this anxiety is that fact that I go back to work oh so soon. Huh. Feeling not so happy today.

Morning

I never used to be a morning person. I used to love sunsets and cocktail time and late late evenings running around a city that seems to be at its best at 3am. I dearly loved having breakfast with friends at 4am after a night listening to amazing music and having loud debates about ... anything in a cute little 'new yorkers' bar.

I still love the breakfast thing but this time my friends are a little shorter and they cannot debate - they go straight to crying! Oh, and they poop their pants. I still find strange things as a result of sleep deprivation - I put the butter in the dishwasher (not the butter dish, the butter), I put my breakfast in the garbage and the wrapping on a plate, i pushed the stroller out of the door without the kids in it and went to the lobby with a pacifier in my mouth.

THis life rocks!

Sleep training

It looks like we are going to start sleep training with little girl. She is eating enough now (at 5 weeks !!) and heavy enough to start getting her down for longer hours. This is a very exciting moment. Feels like all the hard work is paying off somehow. Little boy is still too small and not eating as much as his sister but he is close behind. The last two nights he has been super fussy and only calmed when cuddled. Hope this isn't a trend.

We walked for over an hour today, right down to the far west village. I got a taxi back coz it was near feeding time and glad I did - I am zonked!! I could sleep if I wasn't still too new a mum (I rest but can't sleep when I'm on my own). By the end of the walk I was soaked through. What is with the sweating?? I even sweat when we breast feed. If I could stop throwing chocolate down my throat I think I might lose weight. I so need to - my arse is HUGE. I still have pregnant hips, belly and arse. I balloon out in the middle like a cartoon!! I will return to weight watcher next week and start counting those points again. Wonder when I go to the gym?

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to investigate which little monkey is producing the most god-awful smell.

Rocker /Glider

We would like to buy some sort of 'soothing' chair. There are tons of gliding/rocking chairs out there. For obvios reasons we would prefer a pre-assembled one (do they do that here?).
Any ideas? What did you chose?

Dreamy Day

Some days just seem to be dreamy.

I got to sleep in, first time since .... forever.
I got to tidy up and wear clean clothes (until a feeding backfire).
We took a taxi, as a family, all four of us.
We put the kids passport applications in without too much faff and even had a laugh with the post office employee's.
We slept on the bed in between feedings, all of us curled around each other, safe and sound.

Kids looked so sweet today - she had a cute white onesy and denim jumper dress and boy wore his first pair of jeans. Totally cute.

Dreamy day.

:-)

Out and about

Yesterday was another day of wonder and achievement. First of all, I was checking my email when my dad skyped me. It was great. The grandparents got to see the grandkids and they weren't covered in puke. Neither was I come to think of it.

Then I decided that it would be healthy to walk to the hospital (for my wound check appointment). I used to be fit. Remember that women. The weight lifting, gym going chick. Well, I am a flabby hephalump. I put on 40 pounds baby weight and 40 pounds of edema. So far I have taken off 50 pounds. And I am sort of breastfeeding.

Anyhoo. I gave myself 2 hours to walk the 40 blocks. I could normally, well, before kids and 9 months of not exercising, have got there in less than 30 mins. It took me an hour and half. However, I was pushing the stroller and kids so I think that isn't too bad. We had a spot of lunch nr the hospital. I was thinking of walking back but it got cold so I did another first. We took a cab home. I got the car seats off the stroller and then packed it up and popped in the boot. So easy! And I was terrified of doing it for some reason.

Well, now the sky is the limit. I can get me, the kids and the stroller anywhere. I can even take the stroller onto a plane. I might start planning a trip to see my folks for after Christmas.

Best thing of all. The kids were tuckered out. They fed, burped, looked at me and fell fast asleep. Whooooppeeeeeee. I have a secret weapon.

Not here

I was going to write a funny blog about my work friends coming over yesterday but I just read Sprogblogger's post. It sobered me up. She lost her nephew.

I'm so sorry for your loss Susan.

training wheels

I feel like my training wheels have been taken off! This morning we went to the doctors (girl = 8lb and boy = 7+lb's) and then we walked to my friends work where we hung out for a half an hour. This may not sound much but navigating midtown at lunchtime in NYC is hard enough without pushing a twin stroller. We were out over a feeding so I took some bottles. First out of the house feeding.

It feels liberating!

There are so many little things about the kids that make me joyous. When boy sneezes he does this ...

Achoo, achoo, achoo, ahhhhhhoohhhhhhh

he lets out a little old man sigh. It makes me laugh my arse off every time.

girl has started giggling a little and has found a new sound. Not sure what it means but it makes a change from the only other sounds which are gas and screaming!!!

Both do the baby farting face which cracks me up. Boy holds his ears when its a particular big one!!!

Girl is so strong that it makes me proud - I know they are not genetically mine but she has my blood creating that strength. We are two peas in a pod in that respect. She is strong and confident but is afraid of being dropped. How do I know that? It's something she does when we cuddle and she thinks she's slipping.

Both are grabbing and holding a little now (girl wants to hold her bottle!) and they hold on to me for dear life. In those moments I believe in a god.

TOday at the doctors the we laying side by side and they kept their eyes on each other throughout the whole exam.

Oh so many more little things.


I may have written this before and shame on me if I haven't, but hell bells these kids are the best thing to ever happen to me. They make me and their dad better people.

How proud am I

So I managed. Nay, I did more than manage yesterday I bloody well did it!! After 15 of hours of pretty fussy babies, I had lunch (albeit at 4pm) I tidied the apartment and took out the trash . I managed the single serve fiasco (turns out bottles are a pain in the ARSE) and I got the little girl to 4 oz and the boy to 3 oz.

Today is a mere 12 hours. Ha! And we can go out for a walk, maybe even a bite to eat for me at lunchtime. OK that's a bit of a stretch :-)

I am always OK in the am but by 5pm I am usually a messy tear and snot ridden mum.

Oh c'mon- boy has started howling.


Gotta go

long day

I'm on my own for 15 hours solid today - ay ay ay! i am also running out of single serve and have to start making the f*cking formula.

Ok, I'll stop complaining now.

Whilst the endless feeding, pooping, puking and screaming is not fun - a cuddle with a sleepyhead with chubby cheeks that are totally enormous and soft - is.

So I shall continue to focus on those moment. And eat chocolate.

gotta go - screaming again

is it normal ...

my babies pant - like dogs?
my girl is always really hot but with no temperature?
my boy makes squeaking, grunting, wheezing sounds in his sleep?
my boy is about half the size of his sister - they were born exactly the same weight but his head is smaller than hers?

the hep b shot is next week - any advice??

Feeling .. better

Thank you all. Yesterday was a toughie - screaming babies, yelling mum then tearful mum coz she yelled. Poor DH walked through the door and I burst into tears. Meanwhile he had gone to my favourite jewelry store to get me a little necklace pendant the says "mom" on it. He sheepishly said "Happy Birthday" and I cried even more.

After I cried I felt fine - so at least I know its lots of hormone and not just me being crap. Today was much better. We went for a long walk, even went to a bookstore - ohhh social life - and tonight they did me a huge favor and settled after the 5pm feed without too much screaming. Bless them. I have even done the washing today. I love it when I get things done that seem impossible at 6am when there is screaming and poo and tiredness.

Isn't it funny how the things I accomplish as a mum (and as an amateur musician) may be small victories in the big scheme of things and yet they bring me such joy and without a penny changing hands.

Feelings

I feel guilt. Mostly over breast feeding. I do it and I pump but not enough. This is becoming somewhat of an issue for me. Instead of typing this post I should be pumping. But I have the washing to get, the apartment to tidy, the boy to change (son, not husband) and about three thousand phone calls to make.

I want to just give up the whole breastfeeding thing and then guyilt over takes me I throw a baby at my enormo boobs. I go back to work in three weeks. What am I thinking!!! I should just give up. But I can't . AHHHHHHHHH.

I also feel guilt that I am not totally bonded to the kids yet, that I am bored yet exhausted at home.

OK I should go pump since the kids are not screaming and I have 30 mins till feed.

Ohhh ok.

Captains Log. Day 2.

The creatures have no logic. What works to calm one moment does not work the next. I am trying to work out the alien communication patterns - screaming and crying for no reason seems to be most popular.

They expel waste products at alarming rates. The male creature pooped so much this morning it escaped the protective wrap we devised to contain it. It went EvERYWHERE! I am trying to work out if this was a declaration of war. Or too much milk in the night.

They also change their forms at an alarming rate. The tall one is now growing sideways and the little one is not so little. Over a period of 6 hours he grew at an alarming rate, even after releasing all that waste material

The creatures have a way of mind reading. If I need a bio-break, they start screaming (maybe to alert each other, maybe others like them?), if I am hungry they go red in the face and release a HUGE amount of waste product. They have many distractions and use them very carefully and to great effect. Yesterday I ate at 6am and then not again until late at night when the relief crew arrived.

Ahhh the big one has started screaming again and the cat has joined in. Must. sign. off.

Day One

So today is the day that DH goes back to work and I am flying solo. I am terrified!! Since I already have these guys on some sort of schedule we shall be going out in the stroller every possible moment since they always fall asleep.

Dh has had 3 weeks paternity leave but it doesn't seem long enough. I know, its a fair amount of time in the US but at home, in Europe, the guy can get up to 12 months! Yeah, I know!! In Denmark, we would both be home on full pay for 12 months. Man, that would be sweet.

For the rest of the week, our nanny comes in to cover me for my trips to the doctors and the various specialists I have to go to, which really takes the pressure off since I have NO IDEA how to work the stroller with the car seats in a cab :-)

Any advice for flying solo more than welcome folks!!

Welcome to the tribe ...

When we are the hospital I asked the attending every day to circumsize my son. Each day they said 'yeah, of course' but it never happened. I have spent the last 3 weeks trying to get the someone in the practice to do it since the pediatrician office told me they can only do it at 6 months under general. That was not going to happen to my little lad.

Yesterday my doctor told me that it wasn't going to happen, so sorry etc. However, she gave me the name of a mohel who performed a bris on her sisters kids.

My husbands mother was born Jewish and that makes him Jewish. He is about as religous as I am ( I think I know more about Judiasm than he does and I was confirmed in the Church of England!)

Anyhow, to cut a long story short ( no pun intended) I phone the cantor at 2pm yesterday and he had an opening this morning at 10am. I booked him, phoned my dear friend who was at the birth, is the kids guardian and happens to be a practicing Jew and she told me what to buy, do etc.

This morning, our apartment was transformed in to a kosher house, with a kiddish cup, yamakha's and kosher food and wine. We had a naming ceremony for our daughter (Raisal Brucha - which mean 'little rose & blessing') and the Bris for him (Shimone & Davide). It was a tremendous occasion with singing and dancing and food and wine and loved ones. My folks skyped in from Europe!! I am overjoyed that our kids will be able to explore their heritage on both sides of the faith and I was so moved by the wonderful Cantor and his amazing traditional sounds.

Better than s3x

I was reading that to transition to full time care the nanny should come in for 3 hours daily for a week so the kids can get used to her. Today our nanny started part time. I finally went through the HUGE pile of papers that needed responding to, paying and filing. Then, oh then, we went to bed. No, not for nookie. To sleep. We cuddled up, I on my side for the first time since my second trimester, snuggled into my husbands shoulder, wrapped in his arms. I slept for 2 solid hours. It was way better than nookie.

BLISS!

Our nanny is amazing, we are so lucky. Within moments of her arrival both kids were swaddled and asleep. She fed BOTH in 30 mins and had them asleep ten mins later. It takes me one hour.

I feel like a spoiled New Yorker with all the help we have but with my opened c-section, the nerve damage I got from the delivery (haven't told that story yet) and the infections (picked up a URI and of course, the wound) I am run the f+ck down. I had a meltdown last night (again) because all I wanted was some TLC and sleep. Ahh, such a delicate flower. I feel refreshed and happy now.

To all the moms out there that have to do all this on their own, with no help, I am in awe of you. You are, without doubt, the unsung hero's our societies.