Saturday, April 23, 2011

Dangerous depression but lifting

I am still blue but not as deeply depressed as I was yesterday.  If by Monday I haven't had a good nights sleep I hope the nanny can stay over. If not I will phone the old night nurse. Anything to get out of this place I'm in.

My DH wanted to know what it was like. The best way I can explain it is, have you ever been so depressed you wanted to stop being. I don't mean kill yourself. I mean just stop.  That's where I was yesterday. Breathless depression. Added to that a crushing guilt because I wanted all this.

I was dreading this evening's night time screaming but DH read them to sleep! Will they stay asleep? I have no idea. But for now, they are asleep.

OK. Despite all the crap we had a good trip. Even my SIL was kinda good. We went for a walk with the kids and she rocked Pip to sleep. She did take my nephew away for most of the week even tho we had planned the frikkin' trip around his school holidays.
My bro and I spent some time together which was nice.
My parents fell in love with the kids which was just lovely to part of.
We found where starbu.cks was, even if they didn't know what iced tea was!!!!!
I even had an Easter egg. My first one. It was delicious.

My kids were amazing. Although Pip was ill going over and for the first few days they were so great with all the new stuff. On the way home they were on a plane for 9 hours and didn't make a sound other than laughter.
It was so stressful to have a sick kid away from home but I get great advice and now, at least, I know how to handle it should it happen again.

I haven't had any time to comment of anyone's blog (except two) but come Monday I'll have way more time, after all, I'll be back at work :)


  1. It is good that it is lifting and I hope it continues to do so.

    Here is to sleeping babies.

  2. I'm so sorry for what you have been through. I tried to read yesterdays post yesterday but it wouldn't load. Sorry I am just catching up! So sorry about all the stress and depression. I know whenever I return from the UK the jet lag hits me like a ton of bricks and I find myself wondering about the meaning of life - everything! Take it one hour at a time and be kind to yourself:)

  3. I'm sorry it's so difficult to get them back on their routine. I suspect it will take a few nights to adjust to the time difference, so maybe you should plan on having the night nanny for the week? You definitely need some sleep - depression feeds on sleep deprivation. Get the night nanny and do yourself a favor. good luck and let us know how it goes. xoxo