Friday, April 30, 2010

calming down.

So that was the wake up call I needed.
On further investigation, 3cm is OK at 22 weeks if there are no other presenting symptoms, and there aren't. Blood pressure is perfect, no glucose issues, no infection etc The only issue is my platelets. I am border line.
Dr K said that the issue was that on the ultrasound (on top of belly - is that a sonogram?) measured short - 2.7 but that measurement is not reliable. I will have the cervix checked often to see if it goes below 3. It isn't the measurement but the amount of change (i.e shortening) as you all knew, my dear clever folks.

I am not to work more than 35 - 40 hours a week. To put that in to context, I hit 36 hours by Wednesday. No flying.

So, I will cut down on work. I will eat consciously and for the benefit of the melons. I will rest up as much as possible and I am wearing my belly belt to reduce the pressure down there. I will approach this as I did my weight loss - follow the rules and stop trying to control everything!!!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

cervix oh oh

Went to see Dr K today. She said my cervix had gone from 4 to 2.5 to 2.7 to 3. What does this mean? I am 22 weeks - is 3 good, bad or indifferent? She asked about how much I am resting, how many hours I am working etc. I didn't lie. 36 hours from Monday to Wednesday. Lots of stress and a bucket load of running around.

She went off at me, in her own way. As she should. What was I thinking! I am old, pregnant and with twins. Damn, I need to rethink my approach. I am supposed to go to Chicago to give a speech and 'work' a conference. This could be a great way to build business which we really need right now. Do I go? Can I send someone in my place?

I guess my question is about the cervix length. What's the deal??

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

elephant feet

I have elephant feet. Good lord they are swollen. It's all starting to happen - the swelling, the itching, the bloating.. and I have no problem with any of it. Grateful to be preggers!

I would, however, happily accept any suggestions you might have for reducing the swelling since, well, it looks pretty bad!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Another day closer, Mr Rochester

First of all thanks for all the back insights - I ordered a back brace this am and have got tons of info on the crib options.

I slept poorly last night and had to be at my desk by 7am this morning so all in all I had a crappy day. Felt sick and hungover (which is someone's terrible joke on pregnant women). I stopped working at 4, lay on bed and slept for 2 solid hours!
I slept poorly coz my DH is really anxious about the impending munchkins. I on the other couldn't be more psyched! But I feel for him. I know most guys get anxious but my poor dear seems to be on permanent worry alert.

So I decided that for this evening I am going to have a bath and pop my oh so comfortable flannel pj's on (total passion killers but DH has to be at work till 10pm), make a tray of tea and English teacake with a slice of Irish cheese and pop in one of the Jane Austin DVD's I have squirreled away for just such an occasion. Anyone care to join me??

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Crib or college....

We have been trying to find cribs that have a high third setting. This is proving to be difficult. We've found only one so far and I totally love it but its sooooo expensive. The third setting isn't a cosmetic need, it's for my back. After the bad back in January I have permanent nerve and hamstring damage (the cramping was that intense) and I have been told to be very careful about which crib we buy. We wanted to buy everything second hand but we'd be lucky to find these cribs 2nd hand. Our total budget only covers one crib! Looks like we will be having a baby shower after all :-) And buying more lottery tickets.

So, we went crib scoping today and sure enough, we found the crib - its called Muu Sam. It's totally cute and really sturdy and the third setting would make all the difference. Walking around the shop, thinking of my munchkins in that crib, I got so excited! I wanted to buy everything there and then! I wanted them here and healthy and in the stroller, or the crib or the cute bouncy chairs. I wanted to be chatting away with them, changing diapers and feeding them. Whereas my DH was literally having a panic attack, I was in 7th heaven!

Question of the day: what advice can you offer up for protecting my bad back once the munchkins are here??

Friday, April 23, 2010

And baby B is...


So we have a little boy that is laying head down, and a little girl that is laying across. All the measurements were great too.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Lottery tickets

Anyone else obsessively buying lottery tickets in the pathetic hope of winning buckets of money?

Yeah, I am. Every Wednesday and Saturday I dream of what we could do - after I quit, quit, quit. Have our own foundation (yeah, each week we are going to win TONS of money) and have one of the lovely old french looking apartments on the west side (tons and tons of money). I could work to do something good and look after my little ones all at the same time.

Oh, and a dog called Jasper. A lab.

So here is what is behind all this. This year has been really bad for business. Now, can they fire me - not really, not straight away. But ... I am not thinking this is a long term position!! I can get a job but I have never had to change jobs when I have kids. Anyone had any experience with this? If I change jobs I will probably have to travel quite a bit and work longer hours.

So the question of the day is - new job, new kids, what can I expect???

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What do you want to be when you grow up

I had a posh lunch today with various VIP's from the grey world I work in. They were all male. They are all very wealthy since they they run businesses and they all had HUGE watches on!!
Each was totally dysfunctional in their own way. They sat and smiled, drank and joked while trying to cut everyone else down. One of the worst of them asked me if the kids would follow me into the corner office. I smiled and changed the subject.

What a ridiculous question. Do I want them to be a business person? Are you kidding me! My dreams for these little melons is happiness, not greed. They will inherit their dads creativity and his talents. I see them in homes that are warm and full of loving smiles. I see them adding to the world in meaningful ways, through music or teaching or thinking or giving or any way but please, not in the crap that I have to churn out! I hope they inherit my musical abilities, my humour and physical strength but NOT my business card.

My fellow lunch munchers have their kids in private schools, best universities and have the corner office already waiting for them. Imagine the shock when they asked me which school we intended to send them to and I replied P.S.116. They all looked so shocked. I laughed all afternoon.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Daddy to be

Fantastic feedback - thanks guys!

I am working from home today - felt 'off' yesterday and thought the rest would do me good. I am reading boring documents and trying to write a speech for May but to be honest I do about an hour's work and then wonder off into baby thinking.

I wonder if they are still head to head? One of them had completely flipped around and now they bang their heads together as they lay on top of each other. I saw one of them yawn. What a moment that was. I can't wait to see them, hold them, feed them, watch them sleep, dress them, smell them, nibble on their fat little legs. I am working until the very last moment which will be so unpleasant in NYC in the summer but then I get 2 whole months with them. I am so greedy for that time right now.

DH is freaking out. He is unhappy with his job, his friends, his life ... etc. It's his way of dealing with the nerves of fatherhood. He is worried he will lose himself when they are born, that life will be over and all we will do is bicker and work. So today, instead of my usual supportive murmurings, I said " Your life is and always will be your responsibility. How you live, how you feel, what you do and don't do is entirely up to you. Embrace and be grateful or change it".

Today question: what did you're partner go through and what how did you respond? Did they find (or did you find for them) any great resources to help them through all this?

Monday, April 19, 2010


I have finally worked out how to add the ticker. Now I really am pregnant!

I have many questions I was hoping the bloggie sisterhood would help answer so to start the call rolling (drum roll please) here is the first question.

1. How many diapers do I need to get for the first 2 months? And which ones to get. I know I ought to go the environmentally safe route but I am afraid I going for disposable. We have 2 kids (hopefully) and no experience!

Bonus question: what's the one piece of advice that you wish someone had told you before you had your little one/s?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Now that's what I call a weekend

We went away for a weekend break. We went on a 'mini vacation'. This is first vacation in nearly a year. A cottage on a 70 acre organic farm. They even had peacocks and one was white! It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
We arrived, ate, swam, slept, ate, slept, got massaged, slept ... well you got the idea.

I was knackered after the past two weeks of pressure and long days and I feel great now. I even managed not to check my emails all weekend. I have decided to rest more, put my feet up more (boy do they ache) and swim gently as often as possible. I found out something interesting this weekend. The bigger I get, the more I sink in the pool!!!!

Congrats to Kate, who just git hitched!!!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

They ARE still there!

The level 2 ultrasound was a bit of an ordeal. I was convinced something was wrong and no matter how much self talking I did I just knew our joy would be ended.
Well, thank everything and everyone, I was totally wrong. Everything looks fine. Phew. Well, everything so far - I have to go back next week to finish the exam because they are laying in bunk beds still but one has flipped around so they are laying head to head and the one on the bottom is really hard to see.

I did see a yawn tho. I saw my baby yawn.

OK, I on to the gender news. The ultrasound chick was from Russia with a very heavy accent. Both DH and I wanted a boy/girl combo but going into the exam I didn't really think I was that bothered what the gender was, just the health.
The Russian chick kept the gender till the end and said baby A is a girl and baby B is also a girl.

DH looked at me and I could see tears in his eyes. "I really wanted one to be a boy" he whispered. Oh my lord my heart just broke for him. Then I realised I was totally devastated as well - I wanted a boy in the mix too.
"ok, honey, its ok. Girls just love their dads and you will be the king of the castle"
He went for a walk to the bathroom (even tho there was one in the exam suite).

By the time he came back he I was getting ready for the cervix check. I kept trying to reassure him that two girls would be fine all the time feeling sad and then guilty that we were being so ungrateful.

"oh wait.. wait" says ultrasound chick "either she has very large clitora.s or she is a boy, let me get another pair of eyes"

The other pair of eyes confirmed that our she was a he. She also said that the other she may be a he too!! I go back next week to find out if we are having two boys or one of each.
How little do we know ourselves. I am sure if we had had two girls we would have been fine with it but as it is, this is a double gift. And I am very grateful.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Are they still there?

I don't feel pregnant. I am fat and have the belly but I am can't really feel them anymore. We go for the big u/s on Wednesday but that seems like forever away. I am now paranoid that I haven't eaten enough protein or calcium or I have eaten too much sugar and carbs and I have killed them. There is so much stress at work I worry that the cortisone and adrenalin may have done them in.

And yet, as I write, a feel a small pain in my side, then it's gone. Another one the other side and then it's gone. I know that's them, kicking me and each other. I know they are in there, safe and sound because the doctors told me that I am in the lowest category for worry. I also know that I love them totally and absolutely already and that we are a special little trio of life. I know I have only 18 more weeks of growing them and I think that makes me fearful. I never dreamt I could get this far and here we are. Looking at 'the home stretch'. Will it be snatched away from me? Do I deserve this much of a gift and this much love?

I need to snap out of this. Be thankful for this opportunity to grow life (there is an old Jewish quote about assisting in gods miracle which I love). Maybe I shall lay still for 10 mins and send them lots of love.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

turning a corner

It's 9pm and I am awake. I ate a salad for the first time since January. I made a cup of tea at home. I think I may have got to the point in the pregnancy when energy comes back and tastes return to somewhat normal. I like it!

I have signed up for prenatal yoga and swimming. I just thought it was time to start getting ready for the marathon of the 3rd trimester and beyond. I am super flabby and fat right now coz I haven't been eating very well and I have done NO exercise. I am not going to diet but I am going to eat super healthy from now on so the mango's get nice, big and healthy. I hope that they come out ready to enjoy our 2 month introductory adventure!!! After all, we have a lot to get through. Learning to eat, sleep, poop, pee, wake up, stare into space while I wonder at the genius of them.
I am not a small gal to start with and my boob.s are now growing to the size of a small country (my ass already has it's own zip code). I need to tone up or I shall just ooze around in the 3rd trimester. I also want to work and be mobile for as long as possible. I like being busy and get depressed when I have to sit around. So, bed rest and me - I hope not!! I figured prenatal yoga and swimming are gentle but toning exercises.

Only three more days till U/S day - well two really coz its sunday night now. I am really excited and of course, paranoid that we will discover something 'bad'. But as I learnt from my wise bloggy friends - allow a moment every day of what if's and the rest of time demand your brain to cease and desist all negative b/s.
I get to see my mango's. Is there anything better in the whole world?? OH and by the way - I totally feel the bubbles now :-)

Saturday, April 10, 2010


Damn I am tired today. The concert went great, although I am not a huge fan of the Brahms. I know I ought to be, with him being the musician's musician and all that. I managed to fit in to my formal skirt and my baby bump was totally obvious. I loved it and IMHO thought I looked rather lovely. Did DH take photo's? No, he waited till today when I am in jeans and old sweater and look like hell to start clicking!

After a tough week and a concert I am wiped. And next week is just as hectic. However, on Friday DH and I take the train up north to a 70 acre organic farm and spa where we have rented a house overlooking the river, with a porch and fireplace. We have booked two massages and I intent to eat EVERYTHING they can possibly produce. All the eggs, milk, veggies and in some cases the meat come from the farm. The rest of the time, I shall swim in the spa pool, rock on the porch and sleep by fire. Two whole nights of bliss. And fresh fresh fresh air. Wish it was a week. Ah well.

On Wednesday we go for our fetal anatomy u/s. Anyone want to guess what they think they will find? Boy/Girl combo, or same gender.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

19 weeks. Crime scene

Crime scene: did the PIO shot myself the other night. Standing in my bathroom I slowly push in the needle. It hurts but soon over and I whip it out. HOLY COW - there is so much blood. It was like a tire that has a flat except it was my ass and it was shooting all over the wall, the cat (who was not pleased) and my lovely tile floor. Was I shocked? Well, ya, but it was kinda cool too!!

Brahms concert tomorrow (german requiem). It is 90 mins of standing which I'm not sure I can manage. I'll see tonight in the dress and if needs be I shall find a chair to park my ample arse in. I shall totally have to wing it since I am a bit shaky about some of the movements!!! Ah the blessings of singing in a 150 person choir. This week has been brutal in terms of work. I am flagging a bit now. Luckily I get to go to a conference all day tomorrow which is low stress and high possibility of snooze in chair. I shall bag it around 2 and go home to rest before the concert. LOVE IT!!

We had couples therapy today. My DH is an only child from a really quiet house. The therapist was trying to explain what the noise levels would be like. He is particularly afraid of the fighting. And we are having twins. Hahahahahahahahaha. I told him that my brother and I fought all the time, 24/7 and really enjoyed it. It's how you learn to work with people, negotiate, share, relax. It's a sign of sibling love. And he has a pair of noise cancelling headphones he can use!

I did the maths and if I go to 38 weeks my due date is August 15th. So let the count down begin!!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Thanks for the words of support about my messy maternity leave. I do have to walk the thin line between politics and providing - unless we win the lottery. OH PLEASE LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY!!!

I got an email from my friend that lost her daughter. All your advice was spot on, she felt supported, loved and the necklace idea was amazing. She was bowled over by the thought and wears it everyday.

Thanks guys. You are such an amazing support network.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


The person that was to cover my maternity leave has just told me she is interviewing for new jobs. What the fuck! I have covered this chick for years. Just drives me mad.
No idea what I will do, since I work in a specialized area and there is no-one on board right now that is able to cover for me.

She just blew her bonus even if she decides to stay.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Baby baby baby

It's been a weekend of babies. I saw my friends new born twins. Oh so super cute( and I am not a baby person). The girl makes cute little noises and the boy was fast asleep, making little mouth movements. I've never seen newborns before and it made me excited to meet my own. She was going through a tough time, Cornell high risk OB's take you to the birth then basically abandon you, it would seem.

Then we went on baby stuff 'reco'. Cribs - well, they are kinda boring unless you want to spend KAZILLIONS! I got bored of crib shopping pretty quick so I went to the clothing section (ohhhh mmmmmmyyyyy). Then stroller testing. The long, in line strollers - not for new york!! It's like driving a bloody Juggernaut. DH managed to maneuver it but I just ran it into a bunch of stuff and knock it all flying. It is somewhat intimidating thinking there will be 2 babies then 2 toddlers then 2 kids then ... 2 teenagers (gulp).
Everyone keeps telling us "oh its going to be so hard".
Well, we have decided to go all zen with this thing. We are creative people and haven't bought into the New York lifestyle, so we are gonna flow with the chaos and keep in mind, everyday is a gift. Remind me of that this time next year!!!!!! I'm going to ask DH to make a project called 'our life' (he's a photographer) as an heirloom for the kids. If we can stay focused on the reason we are caring for the screaming, pooping life forms, we may stay focused on the good things.

And in other news .... I have a big roll of fat around my middle on top of the baby belly. It is most disconcerting since I have only put on 7 pounds. Actually, everything is flabby. My arms, my ass (oh man, huge ass), hips, even my chin. My friend has a sister that is a prenatal yoga instructor and she has got me a great rate. Lets see if I can tone up just a little before my chin, boobs, belly and hips meld into one big block of fat. Just imagine it - big square wobbly torso and rugby player legs. mmn attractive.

Lovely Easter Sunday here today. hope you're having a lovely spring day too.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

All is well.

What a drama queen I am!! feeling much better today, just mild ickness. Thank you to all for you advice and the kick up the arse!

Had my 4 min appointment with Dr K. She did a cervical test and an ultrasound in less than 4 mins. Impressive. Lemons have strong heartbeats, are still in bunk beds and all is well. My BP is 120/80, my glucose test was negative and my cervix is 'fine'. I don't have to see her again for 4 weeks. We are having our big ultrasound in 2 weeks so I don't have to wait too long to see them again.

Think I might go see Dr J on some made up nonsense coz she spends time on the u/s and I get pictures. I haven't really seen them in weeks. I wonder what they will look like??

Bagmomma and I have a mutual friend, C, the one that gave birth the old fashioned way to 2 little lovelies. One has a jaundice problem but I think its all under control. Anyhow, she says she has PPD and is crying all the time. I shall go over to visit tomorrow and would like to know from those that are in the know what I could take to help? I was thinking some yummy munchies, some nice coffee, a funny DVD?? She doesn't have any nanny help so she is also totally exhausted.

I shall offer to sit with the little ones if she wants to sleep which may be a bit bloody reckless since I don't know how to change a diaper or which end is up!! So any advice on that would be more than welcome too!!