Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Daddy to be

Fantastic feedback - thanks guys!

I am working from home today - felt 'off' yesterday and thought the rest would do me good. I am reading boring documents and trying to write a speech for May but to be honest I do about an hour's work and then wonder off into baby thinking.

I wonder if they are still head to head? One of them had completely flipped around and now they bang their heads together as they lay on top of each other. I saw one of them yawn. What a moment that was. I can't wait to see them, hold them, feed them, watch them sleep, dress them, smell them, nibble on their fat little legs. I am working until the very last moment which will be so unpleasant in NYC in the summer but then I get 2 whole months with them. I am so greedy for that time right now.

DH is freaking out. He is unhappy with his job, his friends, his life ... etc. It's his way of dealing with the nerves of fatherhood. He is worried he will lose himself when they are born, that life will be over and all we will do is bicker and work. So today, instead of my usual supportive murmurings, I said " Your life is and always will be your responsibility. How you live, how you feel, what you do and don't do is entirely up to you. Embrace and be grateful or change it".

Today question: what did you're partner go through and what how did you respond? Did they find (or did you find for them) any great resources to help them through all this?


  1. I'm so glad to hear that you're taking is easy and that everyone is well. My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage, but he wasn't 'trained' when I got him. I met him when then kids were 20mo. and 3-1/2yrs and when we lived together, they stayed summers with us. LOTS of work for me until I figured out to put some the responsibilty on him. I feel he's well trained now, but we'll see when the babies get here. I always have to keep in mind that men cannot multi-task and he always tells me that I have to remind him to do things I need him to do. As long as I'm willing to take an active role in telling him what to do, he does it. I wish he would do it without my having to tell him, but that's the way it is and I've accepted it. Good luck! xxoo

  2. Funny - we both wrote about the "Dads" in our last posts...

    First, I think you do lose yourself quite a bit when you have kids. life becomes mostly about them. But that's a wonderful thing! At first, I thought I'd be one of those parents who take my baby everywhere, and I'd still be able to do a lot of the same things. Then I realized, it's not really fair to drag her around when she really needs to be napping in a quiet environment. So I take her places, but I've also cut down on things I do, at least while she's a baby, to be fair to her sleep and stability needs.

    But with that being said, you do also need time for the relationship. A few tips - setting up an early bedtime (7:30/8pm) allows for a nice dinner with DH after she's asleep. And lining up babysitters for an occasional night out is key. We found a babysitter at her daycare - a teacher who really took to my daughter. And who better than a professional childcare provider - CPR certified, bonded, etc., who my daughter already "knows". So that might be an option for you if you don't have family nearby to help out.

    Also, I found it helpful to give my DH real responsibility. So 3 days a week, when she's at daycare right by my office, it's my job to pick her up on time. And the 2 days she's home with my mom, it's his responsibility to be home on time to relieve her. If his job is running late, he has to call me to see if I can be home, or call my mom to see if she can stay late. And if none of that works out, then he HAS to leave his job. By having this responsibility, I think he feels needed and vital in her care, not just doing what I tell him.

    And then I also encourage and compliment him whenever he does something good or new or interesting with her. For ex: I always put her to bed, but about half the time, she fusses and wakes within an hour, so we send in the "big guns" (DH) and he has a little routine he does with her that works like a charm to settle her down again. I tell him I think it's because she wants to see her daddy one last time before bed, and it really makes him feel needed/special. He almost wishes for her to wake so he can go in. He also has a way of making her laugh and smile like no one else can, and I always comment on that and how much more she smiles for him than me.

  3. First, GOOD FOR YOU for calling your husband on his whining and giving him a good dose of truth. You were right, each of us is responsible for our own lives - good and bad.

    As for your question, I think my DH still believes he will MOSTLY get to live his life the way he wants to since I take care of the baby. But, that said, anything I ask him to do (change the diaper, make a bottle, hold the baby so I can pee) he immediately does. So I have to learn to ask for what I want - which is tough for me.

    I think things will become more real once the lemons are born and your husband will be so in love with them that he will happily put his desires second to the lemons' needs.