I went to see my boss on Monday. I hadn't seen him for ages and I wanted to see what the deal was for next year - whether I was getting the promotion he'd spoken about, the bonus etc.
We chatted for a while and then he said "I want to give you the heads up that there are going to be some big changes. Your whole division is in the cross hairs. I wanted you to know. Nothing is set in stone but you should start .... blah blah blah" He was really nice about it, very sorry etc.
His timing sucked since I had a huge pitch 30 mins later!
All I could think about was we barely make it on my salary now, what about the kids, the nanny, preschool, clothing, food ... everything!!!
It's fair to say yesterday was not a great day.
I went to bed with a sleeping pill.
So glad I did. I had a great nights sleep. I woke up and thought, for the first time in nearly two years I don't have that feeling of dread about going to work, that I'm wasting my talents and working with people I don't respect. That there has to be more to life than this job. I may not be the kind of person to start my own business but I DO have a new start ahead of me. I have a chance to find a place to work where I feel I'm making a difference, that I'd be proud to talk about and excited by the challenges. I haven't had that in quite some time.
Also, I put the word out and the response has been amazing. Even if nothing comes of all the leads I am touched by the deep words of support from work friends.
I have a choice here - sink into worry or live life by pushing forward. I look at my kids and the choice is an easy one. As some grouchy New Yorker must have said " hey, lady, this is the time to grab life by the balls ... what are you waiting for!"
This morning I got the 'official' notice. October 31st is my last day. My whole floor except 4 people are getting laid off. I am struggling with the emotional side of this (MONEY!!!!) but I am holding onto the expectation of something good happening with both hands and some toes.