Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The one where I lose my income

I went to see my boss on Monday.  I hadn't seen him for ages and I wanted to see what the deal was for next year - whether I was getting the promotion he'd spoken about, the bonus etc.

We chatted for a while and then he said "I want to give you the heads up that there are going to be some big changes. Your whole division is in the cross hairs. I wanted you to know. Nothing is set in stone but you should start .... blah blah blah" He was really nice about it, very sorry etc. 

His timing sucked since I had a huge pitch 30 mins later!

All I could think about was we barely make it on my salary now, what about the kids, the nanny, preschool, clothing, food ... everything!!! 

It's fair to say yesterday was not a great day.

I went to bed with a sleeping pill. 

So glad I did. I had a great nights sleep. I woke up and thought, for the first time in nearly two years I don't have that feeling of dread about going to work, that I'm wasting my talents and working with people I don't respect. That there has to be more to life than this job.  I may not be the kind of person to start my own business but I DO have a new start ahead of me. I have a chance to find a place to work where I feel I'm making a difference, that I'd be proud to talk about and excited by the challenges. I haven't had that in quite some time. 

Also, I put the word out and the response has been amazing. Even if nothing comes of all the leads I am touched by the deep words of support from work friends. 

I have a choice here - sink into worry or live life by pushing forward. I look at my kids and the choice is an easy one. As some grouchy New Yorker must have said " hey, lady, this is the time to grab life by the balls ... what are you waiting for!"

This morning I got the 'official' notice. October 31st is my last day. My whole floor except 4 people are getting laid off. I am struggling with the emotional side of this (MONEY!!!!)  but I am holding onto the expectation of something good happening with both hands and some toes.


  1. OMG!!!!!
    wow! They don't mess around, do they?
    I think you are right! This is a huge opportunity for you. To carve out something you really want to do. To make a difference and not be run ragged. Or maybe you can work less and be with the kids more?
    What do you do exactly? And where does hubby factor in here?
    Sorry if I'm being nosy, just wondering. Also did they give you severance?
    I guess this means you'll be going trick or treating on Halloween with the kiddos. Leave early!
    Hugs!! It'll work out - I know its both scary and exhilarating.

  2. Ugh...he wasn't kidding about the cross hairs.

    I am so sorry about the loss of the certainty of your job but excited that you have hope for what lies ahead.

    I am at a similar crossroads for different reasons and hoping that things work out the way they are supposed to, whatever that is.

    Bonne chance!

  3. Wow, short notice! I admire your attitude!! It is time for a change for me as well; perhaps I need a kick in the pants to get me going. Good luck on your search; I am sure that your contacts will work out--they know a good worker when they see one :)

    On to new horizons!!