Halloweeeeeeeeee - last day to see photo's

Seriously, this is such a fun holiday! You get to wear whatever YOU think is cool and eat tons of candy all the while impressing everyone with your cute kids. What's not to love?

I dressed as a doctor (coz I had a pair scrubs tucked away somewhere) and added cat ears coz they make the kids laugh! The momfia's at the play group were all dressed in 'costumes' that showed off either their boobs, arse, legs etc. The point, you morons, is to have fun with the kids not let your inner hooker free!!!!

Anyhoo - Pip was a cowboy in the morning and an adorable puppy in the evening and Mimi was a ladybird. She loves her hoody costume.  We sang, danced and clapped till there wasn't a spark of energy left and they went happily to bed.

Since this is my last day of work I decided to throw caution to the wind and eat as much Halloween candy as I could lay my hands on. Rock on sugar high.

Hair cut

Kids had their very first haircut and oh my oh my oh my, they look so cute.  I told the haircutting lady that Mimi will have long hair and to give her a girl cut coz everyone mistakes her for a boy. For Pip - please for the love of all things white bread,  cut off the mullet hair.

And here he is ...  getting de-mulleted (photo deleted)

Mimi was watching something on TV that was clearly not cool. You can see the long hair at the back - that was snipped into a really cool pixie bob. She looked like a supermodel! (photo deleted)

They are both fast asleep after a really lovely play date. The snow is coming down in buckets and the kettle is on for tea.

Lovely.


(I shall delete this post in a few days coz it has photo's).

travel madness

my ma is old with a dicky heart and my dad is older with this that and the other problems. They cannot really travel to me. So I ought to travel to them. I ought to be checking the sites for a low fare (you know -$1000 bucks !!!!!) and buying a single travel system etc.

So, what am I doing you ask?

Watching a West Wing marathon and googling Caribbean family vacations :-)

Yeah, I know. Until I get a job I am not going anywhere but it is fun to dream.

Now, which one should I take? About 4 months ago I would have said Mimi - hands down. But whats this? Pip is coming around the bend with great form - he is cuddly, happy and easy. Mimi? she cannot sit still or stop whining at the moment. Drives me up the frikkin wall. But, she is also very hardy, loves adventure and handled the first trip with ease.

It's a dilemma! 

Sliding into last

The last week of employment. It shouldn't feel this good! Over the past few days I have shed my old work persona and felt a huge weight lifting from my shoulders. I slept for 2 hours yesterday afternoon. That is a personal best.

I was chatting with my folks in the UK and thought I should pop over to see them. If I take one of the kids it is really easy. Get a cheap flight and stay with my brother. Well, there is no such thing as a cheap flight. Nothing under $1K.  Ah well. Keep your eyes posted for cheap flight to the UK for me!!

Since  being assessed the kids have started chatting and walking and discussing philosophy ... OK maybe not that one. We went to see friends yesterday and they were amazed at how much the kids had 'grown up' !

Today shall be a lazy Sunday of walks and talks and tea. Perfect.

Second Assessment

They have no issues at this time. Yup. I'm so frikkin' relieved.  I can hardly keep my eyes open. A huge weight has been lifted. I didn't release how freaked out I was by all the testing.

No issues at this time.

Rather advanced in some areas. Ha! Rather advanced. Well, super nanny is rather super.  And the kids are totally super. Love it.

So, that is that. No more testing unless they start to regress.

Today is our wedding anniversary. At the beginning of the month I had 'canceled' any celebration. I just booked a table at a lovely place around the corner, called the babysitter/friend and found a card for DH.

Things are ... dare I say it... looking up.

Speech Assessment

The chick came for about 2 hours and played with the kids. Both are well within the 12 - 17 month old range. No problems and no indications of problems at this time


(bigggggggsigh of relief)

It's funny how I wanted them to 'pass' instead of being concerned there was something wrong. I think I knew we were OK since they have made such massive strides in the past few weeks.

Tomorrow is the physical assessment.

Whooooosh!

That's me running around NYC interviewing my ARSE off! I decided that I have my family, my health and my humour. Yes, this is sad but enough bloody drama.

We watched the sun come up today. My whole family having a book picnic (throw a blanket on the floor and the kids can put as many books as they like on it and we 'graze'). What more can I ask for?
We sang songs (which is hilarious with pre-linguistic babies) and cuddled, kissed and tumbled.

I shall get another job. My friend will stop wigging out and crying and breaking apart which just kills me. We may even get a job together (got a call this afternoon that someone wants us to replicate our practice in their very cool company).

So, thank you, one and all for your help and support. It made a huge help, as I am sure you know.

Tomorrow we have an assessment  - speech? I shall fill you in afterwards. 

Ugh

I just told my friend and colleague that she is being let go. 

She looked panic stricken but said that she knew something was going on. 

There were tears from both of us. 

She is trying to be all upbeat, supportive and yet her face is riddled with pain, shock and fear. 

I felt like I was going to have a heart attack telling her. Now, I am calm and feel ... well, what you would expect.

I must believe good things will come. I must.  

 

Lions!!!!

(Thank you everyone for your help. Really does help)

Out of the blue Pip has developed a deep fear of a cartoon lion. It's on the sweetest little DVD but for the past few days if it comes on the tv he screams and gets all ... curflunked. We whip it off fast but I can't help but smile when I hear those little boy sounds. Sooooo cute. I know how he feels tho. Dr Who would come on and I would yell "Dad! come quick". I was terrified of the stupid show but had to watch it! 

I'm doing a bit better on the work front. Might have an interview next week. I have a few meet and greets. On Monday I have to tell my business partner she is being laid off since she has been on vacation for 3 weeks in Asia. We've been working side by side for 6 years. 

I shall concentrate my time this weekend on my family and deal with the work thing on Monday. I need some peace. I shall find that in my kids laughter and the arms of my DH. 

holding on

Everyone thinks I'm great and no-one is hiring! There is one job open to me but the asking price is way lower that we need but if I can get them up... you never know.

I'm losing confidence in my skills and my battle with depression. An ugly black cloud is holding me down and making it hard to move or think.  I don't think I've eaten in 12 hours which is really not like me! I know it all sounds cliche but there isn't really another way of describing it.

I saw a headhunter today who depressed the living crap out of me. I think I met her years ago and there was a reason I didn't get to know her!!

Oh I'm crying again. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself women.

If you're out there, drop me a line - just say hi or shut up or cheer up you depressing old cow - I'd love to hear from you.

little and often

One offspring is asleep in his crib. The other is keeping herself busy in the play zone (a dog pen with lots of toys and balloons).

Trying my very best not to give in to my moody blues! Totally knackered after the 10K yesterday which doesn't help. Also seem to have lost my appetite.  We made a valiant effort to get out and about today but came home when I realised I was standing stock still at the lights and they must have changed at least 3 times. Dazed and confused.

I keep thinking to myself that now is the time. Now is the time to grab life and make a difference. Then I think ... holy shit ... unemployed.  And I have a bad haircut!

OK. time to kick myself up the arse. I have a home, lovely kids and a wonderful husband.   And I can get another haircut. I will get another job, more money and enjoy it a 1000x more. I love this city and will have the chance to visit the museums and go to the amazing cinema's. I will write that article that has eluded me and most of all, I shall play with my wonderful kids.

Yes, this is working... what else???

I will win the lottery and wear cashmere all day. And start a foundation. And eat sushi whenever I like. Get an apartment with a working fireplace so we can all snuggle up together and read Winnie the Pooh.

Sweet - lets have lunch :-)

Swimming up

I've had some very encouraging chats with head hunters and have some more to come so that has somehow taken some of the panic away. The best times are when I'm with the little ones. They make it all OK.

In other news - I walked a 10K today.  It was wonderful. I would have run more but the person I was with couldn't run so I stayed with her. We broke all the rules and walked on the runners course.  I paid for a 10K I was gonna do a 10K, damn it!

Thanks again for your posts. They are really helpful. 

Sinking in...

The whole 'no job' thing is sinking in. It's terrifying. Everyone is stunned  - all my friends and colleagues. No-one saw this coming, not really. At least it isn't a performance thing. This is the result of a hostile take-over and I am on the wrong team.

At first I had massive emotional swings. 'Freedom!' to despair to 'lets go!' to feck off while I curl up in a ball and whimper. I am in a permanent state of shock now. I think about the fact that for the first time in my adult life I have no income and a spike of panic spread through me. My shrink prescribed some sleeping pills and working out. I walked for an hour this morning and it did f+ck all.

And one of the worst things about all this is I have three weeks of work left. I have to actually still be at work. It's torture.  And, my dear friend and colleague is on vacation till the middle of the month. I have to tell her when she gets back. Totally dreading it.

I have got to get it together.

At least the recruiter calls are all set up.

Thanks to those that posted - it was great to read the support. 

The one where I lose my income

I went to see my boss on Monday.  I hadn't seen him for ages and I wanted to see what the deal was for next year - whether I was getting the promotion he'd spoken about, the bonus etc.

We chatted for a while and then he said "I want to give you the heads up that there are going to be some big changes. Your whole division is in the cross hairs. I wanted you to know. Nothing is set in stone but you should start .... blah blah blah" He was really nice about it, very sorry etc. 

His timing sucked since I had a huge pitch 30 mins later!

All I could think about was we barely make it on my salary now, what about the kids, the nanny, preschool, clothing, food ... everything!!! 

It's fair to say yesterday was not a great day.

I went to bed with a sleeping pill. 

So glad I did. I had a great nights sleep. I woke up and thought, for the first time in nearly two years I don't have that feeling of dread about going to work, that I'm wasting my talents and working with people I don't respect. That there has to be more to life than this job.  I may not be the kind of person to start my own business but I DO have a new start ahead of me. I have a chance to find a place to work where I feel I'm making a difference, that I'd be proud to talk about and excited by the challenges. I haven't had that in quite some time. 

Also, I put the word out and the response has been amazing. Even if nothing comes of all the leads I am touched by the deep words of support from work friends. 

I have a choice here - sink into worry or live life by pushing forward. I look at my kids and the choice is an easy one. As some grouchy New Yorker must have said " hey, lady, this is the time to grab life by the balls ... what are you waiting for!"

This morning I got the 'official' notice. October 31st is my last day. My whole floor except 4 people are getting laid off. I am struggling with the emotional side of this (MONEY!!!!)  but I am holding onto the expectation of something good happening with both hands and some toes.

First blood & learning what slides are for

We were at the indoor playground yesterday and Pip was at his favourite place - the little taxi. He loves to spin the wheel and 'drive' mum around town. I yell 'Empire State Building' and he makes the wheel turn.

He got a little over excited and slipped. He bust his lip. He was bleeding. Now, this was not an emergency or even a doctor worthy event but inside I just went to jelly. He was crying and there was blood on his lip. Ohhhhhh my kid is hurt.

We got ice and within moments he was fine and the bleeding had stopped. He wanted 'down' but I couldn't let go. I couldn't put him down! Poor kid was wriggling and doing that little boy slip to the floor thing but I kept pretending to ice his lip all the while hanging on to him for dear life. I kept biting back tears.

I totally over reacted. It may have something to do with AF doing a hormone number on me this month but seriously, get a grip!

Today we went back and he crawled straight back to the taxi. I was so careful with him I didn't notice that Mimi had started to climb up the slide. When she called me to show me how well she can crawl up a slippy metal incline something in me relaxed. I laughed and helped her slide down. She had a moment of divine understanding that sliding down is waaaaay more fun that trying to slide up. I had a moment of understanding it's all OK - really, it's all totally cool.

Just another weekend learning to be a mum with the cutest teachers in the world. But hey, I may be biased.