The Great Mommy Dilemma

You know that big job I was interviewing for ? They asked for references, which in my book is a good thing. I hope.

Or do I?

I'm still struggling with the idea of not being around the kids as much. They are so wonderful and make my anxiety just dissolves (and all sense of hearing due to the screaming). They are learning so much, doing so much, changing so much and so much damn fun!

This job would be an amazing opportunity for me. Get me into an area that I admire and love and I'd get to do all sorts of fun stuff.

My kids would miss me. Wouldn't they? I would miss them for sure.

I hate having this dilemma. Why can't I have a great job and a home life? DH, in his wise way, said 'just try it. if you don't like it or the kids don't like it.. we'll try something or somewhere else" big words from a life long NY'er.

Whatever happens I keep telling myself to be grateful for the choices. Grateful for the love I feel for my kids. Grateful for the job opportunities and working opportunities. A modern mommy moment for sure.

Poo stories from around the nation

When something event-like happens with the kids I get a little light that goes on in my brain to remind me to post about it.

What seems to be happening more and more is I catch up on the news from the blogs I read (open about 6 pages and speed read!) and without fail two or three of us have the same news!

Yes, this time it's potty training. We are giving it a go (no pun intended) with the little man. Pip has been successful a few times but hated it. He asks for the potty and then hates it. Bit confusing.

Well, BWUB and Sprogblogger both have potty posts. How mad is that. Within days of each other. It makes me feel like part of some wonderful community or village. It makes me feel like I have a family, sort of.

Congrats to all our pooper troupers! 

Bum, Tum and Toys

I've traveled half way around the world with a small backpack and no lists. I didn't pre- book accommodation, return flight, itineraries etc. Preparation? What was the fun in that!

When I saw how much stuff the kids had to have I thought to myself, I shall never travel again. Then of course, we have the grandparents in the UK who are both ill and want to see their kids before its too late.  We have the other only living relatives on the other coast who have never met these kids coz honestly, they ain't grandparents and they ain't that interested.

So the first trip we took was a 30 min car ride and we had 4 bags of stuff.
The second trip was an international trip and we micro managed everything, even rehearsing the security routine to get both kids thru.

Next week we have a few days in the country,  thanks to a very nice friend and colleague. We're driving two hours away and I started with the lists about a month ago. I had the clothing, medical, entertainment, GPS, rainy day, too hot day, emergency reactions and must have toys lists.

And now. I have lost my lists. They got wiped from my phone. After a moment of bone chilling panic I now feel liberated.  Here's what I realized. As long as I have the basics - bum, tum and toys - we'll be fine.

Bum - nappies
Tum - health & food
Toys - the must haves

Seriously, what else do we need to carry? There are always shops and supermarkets. Kids don't need plastic toys when there is a huge garden to run around in and a pool in the village.

How totally liberating.

Vertigo

Well, look at that, who'd of thought of it. I've got myself a dose of vertigo (and an ear infection).

Now, before you call the health authorities on account of our massive amounts of sickness and general unholiness, I'm prone to summer ENT illness. The New York pollen is just like the rest of the city - aggressive and my dainty English sinuses can't defend themselves. However I have never had vertigo before. Not sure if I believe the doctor. She gave me a z.pack so ...

So, as long as it goes over the next week my staggering and tipping and falling around should be gone in time for our little trip up north. Our 4th of July holiday. I am totally psyched. So American. We shall wave flags. We shall jump in swimming pools. I shall sleep late ... and often.

Now, back to Masterpiece theatre, a cup of tea. If I don't topple of the sofa :)

Dizzy my head is spinning

Ya, I think we have been visited by the bug fairy again. In the middle of the night I woke up really dizzy which is a very odd feeling. This morning I was playing with the kids and was like being on a boat! I guess its my turn to go to the doctor 'cept I don't have one. How ironic is that! Maybe the kids doctor will see me ;-)

As I write the kids are stroking my hair repeating 'nice' in their little baby voices. I could do without the dribble from the binky but hey small price to pay. It started me thinking. What will it be like to return to an office job. It's not like I am sitting around doing nothing at the moment (this week alone I have worked 80 hours and it's only Friday) but I am working from home. I get to take a break and play at monsters. I get to hear the kids and see the kids and it just makes it all so wonderful.

It's the age old dilemma for working mums. Do I have a career or do I just get a job.

What are your thoughts?

Fooook!

I'm so busy. I have clients coming out the wazzoo and am going through some serious interviewing and kids, kids, kids!

Good news:
Kids are speaking in almost full sentences
Peter is speaking more in sentences that make sense!
At the moment ... all are healthy  ( I think I'm getting a sinus infection but don't have time or brain real estate to even bother about it).
Next week and the week after I am .... on holiday :-) Well, not so much holiday but taking time to try and relax, exercise and regroup. Whooooop

Hope all is well.

Lurgy

Pip woke up covered ... stop laughing ... Pip woke up covered in the lurgy. A red rash from head to foot.  I thought it was an allergic reaction from the Penicillin but super nanny suggested I take him in.

Not an allergy at all. This is some common summer virus starting with an e. Not serious and should go away in a week. By which time I will have become a frikkin' doctor so we can give our regular medical staff some time off.

To recap: over the past week and half we have had

1. Pneumonia
2. Pukes
3. Fever x 2
4. Virus
5. Rash

which equates to:
4 doctor visits
3 prescriptions
2 nights with no sleep at all for anyone
1 night of kids in bed with us - never again

and a partridge in a bloomin' pair tree

I love you

Mimi, my daughter, smiled at me today and said "I love you mummy".

This is one of the happiest days of my life. 

Are you freakin' kidding me!

This morning did not bode well. Pip wasn't eating and was really clingy. Then he puked like a volcano. I am not good with puke. Not at all. Neither, would it seem is my dear little fella. 

We have a back up babysitter but I decided to let the nanny know I was calling the back up baby sitter.  She told me in no uncertain terms she was on her way.  This chick does not live close and it is a hot thunderstorm Sunday. She was like Mary Poppins. Sent me out for pidia/lite and to get a cup of tea! In under three hours our super nanny had it all sorted. Pip ate, then drank and then wanted to play. 

I feel totally inept and amazingly grateful. She even refused payment. She said that we give her so much all the time that it was nice to be able to return the favour.  The moment she left I burst into tears out of relief and gratitude. 

At this moment, Pip has eaten his way through half a watermelon and is watching his girlfriend - Dora - on the TV. 

Seriously, now can we stand down? 

Round two ...

Pip was on the mend, he was eating better and moving around. Then Mimi started. Over night her temp sky rocketed. It was capped by the medicine we gave her (calpol) so then we went to the doctors in the morning.

They did all the usual checks. Nothing. Then she asked about her peeing. So we had to bag her and do a urine test. I had to hold my girl down while a bag was secured to catch her pee. Thankfully - nothing. No infection. Phew.

Take her home for observation.

OK.

She didn't eat. I was told about a 'double threat' virus going around (puke and poo) so we stashed the towels, water and disinfection.

During the night she was so hot even in her thinest PJ's - her hair all soaking wet, even with the calpol. DH packed the hospital ER bag just in case. Just as I was getting dressed to go to the ER she started to cool down. An hour later she was fast asleep and no problems.

What the what?????

So. Now. Today. We had a temperature free day. We had a puke, poo, screaming, snot flowing free day.

Can we stand down for a few hours? Please.

Phew.

We took Pip to the doctor and they did all sorts of tests. Thankfully he's fine. His infection is clearing and the horrible cough is a good sign, apparently. The panting that I was worried about his because of the amount of gunk he's coughing up. We are on observation mode again (or the 'just in cases').

There was a bust up between doctors about Pip's prescription. According to Dr 1 is was a good call but Dr 2 thought that it was out dated and crap.  Dr 2 is the head honcho, I believe and I was more than a little relieved when he turned up.  He was pretty mad at Dr 1 for being so quick to prescribe too. He said she should have waited 24 hours with strict observation instructions. Instead a not-yet-2-year-old has to have 10 days of Rx when it may not have been necessary. Harrumph. It was all civilised of course but even a one eyed Tasmanian mole could tell what was really going on. No offense if you are a one eyed Tasmanian mole.

So we are on high fever alert. If he gets a high fever more than twice we are to call for a replacement Rx.

 When they came back with good news my body just unlocked and I nearly fell asleep sitting in the waiting room!  I have muscle ache from all the tension. I also felt ill last night which I think was overload of adrenalin.
Such a huge HUGE HUGGGGEEEE relief.

Pip may be quiet, tired and a bit cranky but he's walking around and eating and drinking.

By the way. Very weak chamomile iced tea is amazing at soothing wired babies (thanks to crap Rx) and helping the cough.

Dr 1 also told me it was OK to give the kids honey. Now, honey is on the 'not-yet' list the practice gave us. Do/Did you give your 2 yrs old honey?

Day 2.

I'm taking him back to the docs tomorrow. Pip has panting episodes - not too bad but bad enough. My anxiety is on a steady rise so I need to be careful not to be a nut job. Give me ANY excuse and I will whip him off to ER!

He's very cuddly. Since I am checking on him, cuddling him, helping him cough all night I am totally knackered.

Reading your words of support really help. They are soothing and reassuring. Thank you. 

Pnuemonia

Pip has been coughing for a while so I took him in the doctors. It's pneumonia. I am freaking out. You should have seen me at the doctors when she said 'he has a little pneumonia' In my books there is only having or not having, and my little sweet funny fella has it.

I am so scared.

I was composing a post last night about how, as an infertile,  I always feel tightly connected to loss no matter how blessed I've been. I feel it deep down. I realized today how terrified of it I am,  every moment of every day.  Each miscarriage, each reader-loss, each moment of grief, pain and anger. These moments mount up into a real threat, a real presence that 'normal' people couldn't really understand.

I know myself. Whilst pretending to do housework or write something for a client or whatever  ... I will sit and hover over the poor lad till Thursday when,  even if he is better,  I'm taking him back in to the doctors for a check up. I will sleep on the floor in their  room, just like I do when either one has a serious cold (pretending to my DH or supernanny that I accidentally fell asleep in there).

Maybe most parents are like this? I feel a bit like a nutter. 

Time Out

We seem to have entered the 'no!... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ... ok time out' zone. Not sure if the kids even know what's going on!  I am such a total softie. I stand there with the kid, they are crying and maybe stamping feet and all I want to do is sweep them up and cuddle them.

DH has turned into Robocop.  Halt! Freeze! NO!

I've seen kids with no self discipline and no boundaries (hey I live in NYC) so I know what happens to kids with parents like me. I know. But still. Damn it's hard.

The snatching is doing my head in. One twin will be playing with something and the other snatches it. Whaaaaa. Reverse and repeat ad nausea. STOP IT!!!!

OK mum time out for yelling.

My friend has offered us his fancy new home in the Hudson Valley over July 4th. I really want to accept but these guys are in the beginnings of category 2 toddlerdom.

Guess I should really start setting boundaries with these kids!! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,