They called ...

the Early Intervention folks. Now I have to wait for a week or two for the Early Intervention Coordinator to call me back. Why? Yeah, not sure. No-one could tell me.

When the guy was taking the details I felt panicky, like I was going to get involved in something that is big and scary. It doesn't help that my friend is having her kid tested for a gifted abilities. Repeat after yourself - must not compare.

And so we wait,  again.

As it's Jewish New Year (don't ask me to spell it) we studied up on what was supposed to happen and why and had our first Friday Night candle lighting as a family. It's all completely foreign to me and I love it! What a great way to start a weekend together. I loved the blessing of the kids even if I didn't understand a word. I hope my participation doesn't offend anyone but I'm not apologizing either - our family is a mixed up jumble of faith and spirituality but at the heart of it is love. That's all that matters.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and if you are on the East Coast - enjoy the break in the weather!!

Passing the bottle

New season new look.  I love autumn. I love jeans and socks and sweaters and scarfs and gloves and sunshine and cold, cold, no humidity weather. It's brutal in NYC at the moment with the humidity and rain rain rain. Bugger off you crappy weather!!

I think it breaks tomorrow which will be just amazing.

The kids are a blast at the moment. They are really starting to get that other people exists and can be fun. This morning we were all sitting in a row, they having their bottles and coffee for me. Before Mimi could throw it dramatically on the floor which irritates the crap out of me I said

"Pass your bottle to Pip and he can pass it to me"

It took a little negotiation but she passed her bottle to Pip. There was a little bit left in. He looked at both of us, grinned and downed it! Then he passed me the bottle with a happy "mamamamamama"

Indeed.

TRYING to do the right thing

It is harder to get through New York Services for the kids assessment than it was to get a frikkin Green Card. I called the number, got put through to 311 (which seems to be the most useless service we have) and they put my through to a voicemail box. I was told that early assessment is open to children under three at no cost but that they would have to call me back since they were not there. Very logical use of a voicemail message if not useful.

Anyhow, I'm going to speak with the pediatrician yada yada. More when I know more.

Life with the kids rumbles on.

Pip had his first 'time out' - for throwing something at a mum in his music class. He had a strop and she tried to help (poor fool) and he chucked a toy at her. Super nanny put him in timeout coz no matter what the reason we do not throw things at people in strops. It makes me laugh just to think about it.

Mimi is still a creeper not a walker. She will not walk without holding onto something. Last night she had a full on meltdown (probably coz she was over tired) when I tried to walk with her. Had to cuddle her for ages in the rocking chair after that. Oh life is hard :-)

Its mid afternoon and I have to get some air if I am to make it through the day. Or I could go home. Right then, home it is.

The one where I need to grow a pair.

(Yep, we will take the kids to the early intervention assessment.  Kids come first and instinct is something to listen to! )

This flu has been a god send really. I got to stay home and A (nanny) looked after kids.  I got to sleep - really sleep and had the space to think and sort of regroup.  I was spinning around trying to work full out, be a mum full out and still get to the gym, to the choir etc AND try to please everyone. What is that? That need to try and please? The desire to get everyone to be happy?  I even noticed this when I took the kids to the doctor. I didn't want to upset the doctor.

Grow a pair lady!

Not only do I lack balls I also lack  'reaction time'. When asked to do something that takes me aback, I agree. Then I stew!
What to do?  Maybe I should train myself to say "let me think this over for a moment" or "interesting idea, give me a moment to think it through". Any other helpful phrases out there??

Maybe that way I could avoid paying my nanny to babysit while I go on a 10K run (ha ha ha right, run, yeah) and somehow also end up agreeing to pay her son's entrance fee and take him with me? I'm paying her so I can babysit her son! Clever.

Knocked off my feet

... by the kids cold. It's a doozy. High fever, body aches and queasiness. Luckily I am over the worst and on the mend. Thankfully its a light work week and I have A. taking care of the kids. She is wonderful. Yesterday I was really sick and didn't get out of bed. She went out with the kids to their class but brought home Chicken Soup! Then she stayed extra late to put the kids to bed. Today she brought a remedy form Panama and I swear it has done the trick.

I'm contemplating taking one of my guys to a developmental assessment place. I have no tangible reasons for this (eye contact is fine etc) just a hunch. Our nanny (who's opinion I value) says hell no! it will be on his educational record for ever and it will do him no favor.  Yet, if he needs help, he needs help.

What do you think?

While listening to the radio.

There was a piece on the radio about donor babies this morning. It was about how the law may change and what implications that has for donor kids. It was so woefully researched though.  I kept yelling "genetic donor, not biological donor" at the radio! I'm the biological mother of these kids not the egg donor. She is the 'egg' donor and according the scientific labeling that makes her the 'gamete' donor.

Bad program research aside it got me thinking.

How would we handle the kids trying to find the donor? The donor kids on the radio spoke about how they wanted to know their biological family: dad, cousins, etc. Somehow, I can see that direct connection with sperm donor but not with egg. When they interviewed an egg donor she was adamant about NOT being found or contacted and it made me relieved. Clearly I'm not as sorted about all this as I thought I was!

Luckily we got great counselling before we started on this journey so we are reading "mummy was your tummy big?" as one of the bed time books and plan to have the conversations early on. We don't have any information about the donor other than health and her records will be destroyed by the time they are old enough to go searching for her. This makes me glad and uneasy at the same time.

Its just something we will have to deal with when the time comes, I guess. 

mamamamamama

What is going on with my little fella? He has turned into a needy emotional mess overnight. If I leave the room, if I look at his sister, if I talk to his dad or his nanny I get an earful. At first it was endearing; my little boy really into his mum. Now its driving me batty! Give me a break kid.

He does have an infection where he had his MMR injection. I wonder if it hurts him and makes him this little monster? Or is it teething. Or maybe this is who he is.

Have you ever thought about not liking the personality of your kids? I think parents of teenagers would laugh at the question but as a parent to twins I wonder about this. I wonder what life would be like if for some reason I naturally gravitated to one twin over the other. Of course when I ask my twinnie friends about this they laugh. Of course you will gravitate to one twin over the other, they say. Then the next hour it will reverse. This is the course of being a twin mum.

What's your experience with your multiples?

pukapaloozi

Last night I had Mimi on the changing table. She didn't look happy. All of a sudden she let out a huge burp and streams of puke came out of her mouth. In between screaming fits puke,  that has forever cured me of my yearnings for cheese sauce,  came flowing. Pip was screaming, I was crying and trying to get Mimi's sodden jimjams off. She was washed and re- jimjamed in no time but I just couldn't put her down. She was fine - after all, she'd puked. I was a mess. In ever sense of the word. 

Apparently Pip had thrown up before I got home. He had had broccoli and some cheese sauce thing. He puked quietly and our nanny didn't notice until she turned around and sew his picking up the undigested pieces of broccoli and popping them back in his mouth! (I love that she told me this, it is a sure sign of her honesty). 

I stayed reading in their room for hours last night. It's cozy and they are there. They make me feel so much better, even after I have cleaned up an enormous pile of regurgitated cheese sauce. 

Black Smoke

Shite and onions I'm having a depressive episode.  It starts with the same thing - a nagging worry. This time it's about my job. I feel insecure and that is never good. Then I get paranoid or angry.  Then the slow shut down starts. I hate this disease.
On the one hand I had a wonderful week with my kids. Five days of pure mum-ness. I got to know them and they got to know me. We played and romped and laughed and snoozed. But beneath it all I was fighting the bubbling crappiness of a thick black smoke. Winston Churchill called his black dog. It's insidious and ominous.

Having researched depression I know this is a serotonin shift and that as long as I sleep regular hours, eat protein and exercise I will regain my stability thanks to the meds I'm on. To be honest,  I am so glad my kids will not inherit these particular genes. Depression runs rabid through my family and I would protect my kids from feeling like this at all costs.

It's odd how I can feel joy at my kids and depression at the same time.

When I feel like this, I start to imagine life with unending cash: winning the lotto.  I decorate each room and chose the activities we can now afford to do with the kids. I imagine quitting my freakin' job and starting our charity. It may not lift the depressive episode per se but it is a nice way to pass the time. 

Labor Day our style.

Work sucks so it is with great pleasure I launch into the long weekend with the kids. We don't have family around and DH has to work so the kids and I will hang out and play for two whole days on our own. Our little tribe.

When I used to look after them for the 15 hours or so on Sunday and it would feel like a marathon but now I find it a different kind of tiring - a less debilitating tired. Its more like the tired I get when I work out really hard or run. Physical, I guess, rather than emotional.

The kids are really good fun at this age. They like to play chase, with those diaper clad bottoms waggling in the air. They love anything bouncy (including mum's tummy). When they need to chill we all read a little - me on some meditation mats in their room and the guys, in their cribs,  eating the corner of a book or licking a page.

Ahhh, kid time, bring it on.

Hope you have a wonderful Labour Day, who ever and where ever you are.