I was OK till I skyped home. Then I burst into tears. My little fella, Pip, looked into the camera and was so confused. He could hear me but not smell me. I don't think they can understand looking into a screen so that must have freaked him out too.
It is nice having time to myself, for sure. My room got upgraded which is amazing and lovely. I went for a walk and ate my meal by the wharf. But my heart isn't here. I miss the weight of Mimi when I cuddle her. I miss calming my boy down and his little hands holding onto me for dear life. I miss the smiles. I miss the smells. I miss the breath and the soft hair. I miss their need. I miss being close by, protecting them.
I feel heartbroken that this is the first full day of their short lives that I missed. I guess being infertile has made me greedy for every moment of them. Insane, I know.