I was OK till I skyped home. Then I burst into tears. My little fella, Pip, looked into the camera and was so confused. He could hear me but not smell me. I don't think they can understand looking into a screen so that must have freaked him out too.
It is nice having time to myself, for sure. My room got upgraded which is amazing and lovely. I went for a walk and ate my meal by the wharf. But my heart isn't here. I miss the weight of Mimi when I cuddle her. I miss calming my boy down and his little hands holding onto me for dear life. I miss the smiles. I miss the smells. I miss the breath and the soft hair. I miss their need. I miss being close by, protecting them.
I feel heartbroken that this is the first full day of their short lives that I missed. I guess being infertile has made me greedy for every moment of them. Insane, I know.
Not insane at all! I get it!
ReplyDeleteI get it, too. I hope you get back soon :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely not insane. I still feel greedy, relishing every nanosecond of my time with my baby. Even when I need a break! I'd trade a good night's sleep on 1,000 thread count sheets for the soft sound of my baby's first morning coo as he is cuddled against me any day!
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