Sprogblogger wrote a wonderful post about what its like being the mum in the donor gamete situation. We decided to tell the kids first and go through a slow process of acceptance/normalisation. This is the approach we were counselled through at CCRM.
It isn't too far from the process of adoption realisation.
It is a hard process. I have kept this all important info from my parents and family. I feel like I am lying to to them. My mum keeps asking who they look like. I keep saying they both look like my DH's side of the family. Now, remember, they are mostly 'gone' so it's not like we are all going to be sitting around the kitchen table together.
Who do they look like? Not me. They have the same hand movements as their dad and one has his ears, the other his chin etc. When we go out with them a few people say they look like me. Either they are blind or just being nice.
But here's the thing. I'm a carbon copy of my mother in looks. We are similar in mannerisms but not behavioral development. More importantly I am 'like' my mum in important ways - my integrity, my dedication to hard work, my mothering essence (love, love, love).
My kids have the chance to not inherit my depressions, my fat ass, my dyslexia, my dreadful legs. They have a chance to live without an addictive mind - one that could have made me an alcoholic or drug addict or anorexic or compulsive spender. They will have my ability to stick with it, to work very hard to channel one's energies towards a positive outcome; like persisting through all the odds so that I can look to my left to see my two sleeping children. My daughter. My son. Mine.