Our first Halloween

Whoopee. I love this. I get to dress up the kids, hand out crappy candy and cover the outside of the apartment with spiderweb, pumpkins and skeletons. Best of all i get to scare the crap out of the neighbours dog with our scream box. he he he he serves him right for waking my damn kids up all the time.

Odd physical things

TMI Alert - I have bright yellow vaginal discharge (11 weeks pp). Its a little disconcerting. Can anyone shed light upon this gruesomeness?

Meds up. Mood up

Yep, I upped the meds. As much as I hate the idea of my mood being chemically produced I was reminded by my psychopharmocologist that my mood is a symptom of a chemical deficiency which is bad for me and the kids. And after two days of upping the meds - mood is much better (less irritable, less angry, less weepy, less tired).

We have smiling - the kids and therefore me. Mimi has the best damn smile ever, she just spreads that smile right across her chops and her eyes light up. And Pip, he grins! I swear ... grins!! They are both so lovely and so totally different. The sleeping routine is a nightly chore however last night Pip slept from 12 to 5 and Mimi from 12 to 6. Not bad for 11 weeks- ish. We are out of cash and therefore out of time with the sleep nurse. I hope she can work her magic before she leaves or else I am working 12 hours at the office and then spending every night up with the kids. I know millions of women have done and good on 'em. It will kill me!!
Please prey for long sleeps. Thanks

Baby blues

I think I got 'em again. I have started back at work and that doesn't help. Its not the kids - I love' em to pieces. Our savings are close to gone which sends me into fits of panic. Things between DH and I are strained. Its the usual - I don't feel supported or that he is doing enough and he feels totally pressured. Sound familiar?

I am also gaining weight not losing it even tho I am pumping like a bloody oil rig!

Oh I really need to shake this funk. Maybe I should go back up on my meds but is that really the answer?

Not twins

I read lots of blogs about twins. OK a few. Everyone talks about how their twins are always together, playing together, being together, afraid when they are apart etc.
My twins are not like that. Pip cries like a deranged person if Mimi gets in his space. What's with that? She is quite a bit bigger than he is and she did spend most of the time in-ute kicking his head but what happens if they can't stand each other. We only have one space for them so they will be sharing a room for quite some time. Rather than mirror each other (which I read on blogs is really common for twins) my guys are polar opposites. One hates the cold, the other hates the heat. One likes to sleep in the am the other hates it. One likes to nap in the evening the other hates that. Needless to say, I am knackered trying to keep up. Even with our schedule this is one tiring job.

Please tell me stories of how twins grow to like each other!! And how it gets easier. I'll take any morsel you got.

Poopapaloozi

Since i did the night shift last night DH got up at 7am so i could grab a few hours. When i got up it looked like the house had been hit by a hurricane!! ! I was only asleep for 3 hours. Boxes of food on the floor, baby bottles everywhere, kids undressed and best of all a giant puddle of poo in the kids room!!!!.

Ode to Nel.

If anyone asked me what one thing has made these first 9 weeks wonderful I would say without hesitation - Nellie. Nel is the night nanny. It is a total luxury to be able to afford any kind of help. Luckily we saved throughout the pregnancy to afford Nel. When our contract came to a close a few weeks back she suggested we pay her less so she could stay on. I swear - she suggested a lower night rate and no agency involvement. So I cashed some stuff in and we have her for a while longer.

It's not just the sleep. 6 hrs is a godsend I know. It's not just her reassurance and knowledge of twin development. Its her humanity as a whole. She makes the kids giggle and laugh. She is never in a bad or sullen mood even when she's been walking the floors with a cranky kid all night. She always says 'Good Morning mommie" in a bright tone when I stagger out in the am. She even told me to go back to bed the other day when I was coming down with a cold and worked for free as a baby sitter for a couple more hours.

She works all night and today she is on the cancer walk, she volunteers through her church and she is going to a class to set an example for her son. .

I am so amazingly lucky to have her around to make these past 9 weeks what they were. Tonight she takes her first night off. Hope she has a blast!!

If anyone is having twins and is interested in hiring Nel let me know and I'll pass on her contacts. She's worked all over the world and is perfect for the first three months. She can do night work or 24 hour.

There ... that's my Ode to Nel

FIrst injection drama

Today the kids had their one month injections. They both screamed but Mimi was totally freaked out by the whole thing. Her screams were heart breaking. I tried to keep it together but I was in tears by the time I picked her up. She was so upset. Its been four hours and they are finally asleep. Sod the routine I'm letting them sleep.

They both gained the required 2 pounds. Mimi is in the 50 percentile but Pip is still in the 5%. So compared to other little boys he is very small however he gained his weight and grew in length so I'm happy.

It broke my heart hearing Mimi scream like that. I am still shaken. I can't stop checking on them. Hardest thing so far.

Morning Mum

Now I am back at work I get up at 5am so I can pump, shower and change whilst the nanny is still here. I also get to have a cuddle with one of them. This morning it was Pip that caught my eye. I pick him up and the night nanny lets me know he is a bit 'liquid' (i.e he is throwing up) at which point I get a shower of regurgitated baby formula. Do I care? nope. Coz I'm his mum. How cool is that.

Thanks for the pumping replies - very helpful. I am trying to pump every three hours. I would love to write that this is because I am dedicated to my kids well being however it is more to help the weight loss (ha ha ha ha). What is with the wobbly belly? And the flag arms?? I mean I used to be toned. I used to have cool muscles. I am like Mr Blobby now. When I sit down it takes a moment for my body to stop frikkin spreading!!
So today's question is: what did you do/ are you doing to get in shape?? Are there any cool websites that are dedicated to post partum exercise?

Retreat!!!!!!

These kids can keep the damn things! For now, we have beaten a hasty retreat on the passifiers - the binky's are in.

Breast feeding Question. Pumpers - how much did you get and how often did you pump?

Passie War

I made a huge mistake. I let the kids have passies. OK, I encouraged the kids to use pacifiers. Damn you passie devil!!! Here's the problem. Sleep training is on going. Kids are put to bed drowsy but awake. Binky's are in and all is well with the world. Eye lid's droop, arms and legs fall open. Then, boom, passie falls out and the screaming starts.

In the day I use them to help them nap.

Bad mum.

Today is day 1 of the Passie War. I decided this morning that they shall be gone from this home. I lasted two about ten minutes. I am so crap. You win this battle Passie Poophead.

I asked A. (nanny) and she agreed - no need for pacifiers. They are only acceptable if the kid has colic, not GERD. Her belief is that when kids of this age cry it's communication. They are trying to tell you something so let them 'speak' - its the only way they know how right now. Work it out and respond. Don't stuff a pacifier into their mouths as if what they have to say isn't important.

I agreed and looked with fear at the wobbly lip of Pip, as he revved up for an all out ... communication.

calm after the storm

Well that was unpleasant! Little miss (known by her nickname 'mimi' at home) had a bug or something. She screamed for about 12 hours straight and threw up every time she ate. We were all in tears by 9pm. I knew boasting about how well we were doing was going to jump up and bite me in the ass.

I proudly ran through the checklist and she did not have a temperature, she was having wet diapers and she was eating. At about 11am Pip started. Pip throws up anyway, well, sicks up. Sometimes a little and sometimes it seems to be the entire feeding. With two of them it was hopeless, I gave up on the burp cloth early in the day. At one point my T-shirt was so wet through I had the chills!

Anyhow, we stuck to the schedule as much as we could. Mimi would not be put down or cuddled by anyone but me, even when I was trying to change my soaking wet shirt. She did sleep a little but not as much as she would normally. Poor little thing whimpered most of the day.

They both calmed down after their baths and Mimi ate a big last feed and slept 6 hours (with a diaper change at 3am). Once awake she consumed ...wait for it.... 6.5 fl oz. She is 8 weeks old. We all stood around the empty bottle just staring at it, then her, then the bottle again. She ate again a few hours later as if to say "what? no biggie"

Needless to say, I am waiting for 'the' diaper. You know the one.

sleep training

Kara's Mom asked for our sleep training process.

I read tons of books on sleep training. There are so many extreme theories that are, in my eyes, insanely stressful for everyone concerned. My brother did the Ferber method. NEVER. I took quite a bit from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins.

So, here is our mash up theory ...

We fed them every three hours from the day they were born and we keep a log of how much they eat, what they are like, what their diapers were like (yes, we change every time we feed). For the first 6 weeks this was all we did. As they increased their feeding amount we pushed the interval to four hours if the kids were OK with it (i.e. they were quietly asleep)

When we hit six weeks the interim time between feeds is not just nap.

6am - 7am bath/ dress from 6 - 7am
7- 9am Light nap (i.e. in a bouncy chair or play pen) or play.
9-10am Feed
10 am Activity - outside if possible. At this point looking at tree's is an activity.
12 pm Feed
12 - 4 pm Deep nap (somewhere quiet and not moving (ie not running around in the stroller).
4 - 6 pm Activity. Usually I take them out in the stroller).
6 pm - Bath (or splash), bottle and book (usually the newspaper coz this is THE ONLY TIME I GET TO READ IT!!)
7.30pm Bed.

Now this is where it gets interesting
They stay in their cribs but if they cry we go to them (we take it in turns). We tell stories or read from the paper, sing a song or just put a hand on them and they go back to sleep. For about 5 mins! Sometimes they sleep for an hour, or one of them does, while the other cries.We will pick them up if they are going crazy and set them down when they show drowsy signs. We will bring them out of the bedroom if it is near 9.30pm but not before.


10pm - Big feed and bed.

From now on, if they wake up they are changed/fed and put back to bed. No fussing, eye contact etc. Since we have one baby with GERD he needs more attention at night than the other. He may sleep for up to 4 hours but that is a red letter night! Baby girl on the other hand has one feed and change about 2am and then she is down till 6am.

Here is the secret. Day napping. If they do not sleep well enough in the day we are screwed. The naps are really important. I don't care where they sleep but its calm where ever they are. Usually one of them needs a cuddle but its calm and relaxed wherever we are.

At 8 weeks we're all doing OK I think!!

Sleeping question

we are in the process of sleep training (ohhhh so much fun). Little boy is a good sleeper but his hands are freezing. I know he doesn't like being cold and I think this is part of the reason he wakes up. Hats don't stay on his head and his hands are cold.

We use a sleep sack but I can't find one with gloves.

Any ideas??

Back in the saddle...

Can you believe I am writing this from work. I took off two months and here I am again. I feel like its too soon and then again, soon enough. I have guilt at leaving my kids but relieved to be back in the land where I know what to do most of the time. I miss them and it feels so good to be away for a bit. I think I am may be going insane! I blame it on the lack of cookies. Nearly every morning fro the past 7 weeks I have got the kids down for a nap, poured myself another cup of (decaf) coffee and munched through at least 3 or 4 chocolate cookies while watching the WE.st Wing reruns. HEAVEN.

However

I am still 20 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight as I found at when returned to weight watchers this weekend. 20 pounds. Ah well, it was so totally worth it!! I have upped the amount of breast feeding/pumping, included a longer walk, asked for permission to go back to the gym, cut down the amount of 'fatty' foods (not cut out, not yet) and I am aiming for 1 pound loss this week. Yes, you read it right... 1 pound. I do not want to put any pressure on myself. My first goal is 1 pound, then 5, 10 and finally 20. Once I am back to pre-pregnancy weight I will celebrate by signing up for the tri-boro bike ride and start training. I have a total of 90 pounds to lose till my 'insurance' weight. As you see, it's going to be a long haul but I will not be the fat mum when these guys start school.

So, back at work, back at WW and back to eating healthy.

D&G

Sprogblogger wrote a wonderful post about what its like being the mum in the donor gamete situation. We decided to tell the kids first and go through a slow process of acceptance/normalisation. This is the approach we were counselled through at CCRM.

It isn't too far from the process of adoption realisation.

It is a hard process. I have kept this all important info from my parents and family. I feel like I am lying to to them. My mum keeps asking who they look like. I keep saying they both look like my DH's side of the family. Now, remember, they are mostly 'gone' so it's not like we are all going to be sitting around the kitchen table together.

Who do they look like? Not me. They have the same hand movements as their dad and one has his ears, the other his chin etc. When we go out with them a few people say they look like me. Either they are blind or just being nice.

But here's the thing. I'm a carbon copy of my mother in looks. We are similar in mannerisms but not behavioral development. More importantly I am 'like' my mum in important ways - my integrity, my dedication to hard work, my mothering essence (love, love, love).
My kids have the chance to not inherit my depressions, my fat ass, my dyslexia, my dreadful legs. They have a chance to live without an addictive mind - one that could have made me an alcoholic or drug addict or anorexic or compulsive spender. They will have my ability to stick with it, to work very hard to channel one's energies towards a positive outcome; like persisting through all the odds so that I can look to my left to see my two sleeping children. My daughter. My son. Mine.