is it normal ...

my babies pant - like dogs?
my girl is always really hot but with no temperature?
my boy makes squeaking, grunting, wheezing sounds in his sleep?
my boy is about half the size of his sister - they were born exactly the same weight but his head is smaller than hers?

the hep b shot is next week - any advice??

Feeling .. better

Thank you all. Yesterday was a toughie - screaming babies, yelling mum then tearful mum coz she yelled. Poor DH walked through the door and I burst into tears. Meanwhile he had gone to my favourite jewelry store to get me a little necklace pendant the says "mom" on it. He sheepishly said "Happy Birthday" and I cried even more.

After I cried I felt fine - so at least I know its lots of hormone and not just me being crap. Today was much better. We went for a long walk, even went to a bookstore - ohhh social life - and tonight they did me a huge favor and settled after the 5pm feed without too much screaming. Bless them. I have even done the washing today. I love it when I get things done that seem impossible at 6am when there is screaming and poo and tiredness.

Isn't it funny how the things I accomplish as a mum (and as an amateur musician) may be small victories in the big scheme of things and yet they bring me such joy and without a penny changing hands.

Feelings

I feel guilt. Mostly over breast feeding. I do it and I pump but not enough. This is becoming somewhat of an issue for me. Instead of typing this post I should be pumping. But I have the washing to get, the apartment to tidy, the boy to change (son, not husband) and about three thousand phone calls to make.

I want to just give up the whole breastfeeding thing and then guyilt over takes me I throw a baby at my enormo boobs. I go back to work in three weeks. What am I thinking!!! I should just give up. But I can't . AHHHHHHHHH.

I also feel guilt that I am not totally bonded to the kids yet, that I am bored yet exhausted at home.

OK I should go pump since the kids are not screaming and I have 30 mins till feed.

Ohhh ok.

Captains Log. Day 2.

The creatures have no logic. What works to calm one moment does not work the next. I am trying to work out the alien communication patterns - screaming and crying for no reason seems to be most popular.

They expel waste products at alarming rates. The male creature pooped so much this morning it escaped the protective wrap we devised to contain it. It went EvERYWHERE! I am trying to work out if this was a declaration of war. Or too much milk in the night.

They also change their forms at an alarming rate. The tall one is now growing sideways and the little one is not so little. Over a period of 6 hours he grew at an alarming rate, even after releasing all that waste material

The creatures have a way of mind reading. If I need a bio-break, they start screaming (maybe to alert each other, maybe others like them?), if I am hungry they go red in the face and release a HUGE amount of waste product. They have many distractions and use them very carefully and to great effect. Yesterday I ate at 6am and then not again until late at night when the relief crew arrived.

Ahhh the big one has started screaming again and the cat has joined in. Must. sign. off.

Day One

So today is the day that DH goes back to work and I am flying solo. I am terrified!! Since I already have these guys on some sort of schedule we shall be going out in the stroller every possible moment since they always fall asleep.

Dh has had 3 weeks paternity leave but it doesn't seem long enough. I know, its a fair amount of time in the US but at home, in Europe, the guy can get up to 12 months! Yeah, I know!! In Denmark, we would both be home on full pay for 12 months. Man, that would be sweet.

For the rest of the week, our nanny comes in to cover me for my trips to the doctors and the various specialists I have to go to, which really takes the pressure off since I have NO IDEA how to work the stroller with the car seats in a cab :-)

Any advice for flying solo more than welcome folks!!

Welcome to the tribe ...

When we are the hospital I asked the attending every day to circumsize my son. Each day they said 'yeah, of course' but it never happened. I have spent the last 3 weeks trying to get the someone in the practice to do it since the pediatrician office told me they can only do it at 6 months under general. That was not going to happen to my little lad.

Yesterday my doctor told me that it wasn't going to happen, so sorry etc. However, she gave me the name of a mohel who performed a bris on her sisters kids.

My husbands mother was born Jewish and that makes him Jewish. He is about as religous as I am ( I think I know more about Judiasm than he does and I was confirmed in the Church of England!)

Anyhow, to cut a long story short ( no pun intended) I phone the cantor at 2pm yesterday and he had an opening this morning at 10am. I booked him, phoned my dear friend who was at the birth, is the kids guardian and happens to be a practicing Jew and she told me what to buy, do etc.

This morning, our apartment was transformed in to a kosher house, with a kiddish cup, yamakha's and kosher food and wine. We had a naming ceremony for our daughter (Raisal Brucha - which mean 'little rose & blessing') and the Bris for him (Shimone & Davide). It was a tremendous occasion with singing and dancing and food and wine and loved ones. My folks skyped in from Europe!! I am overjoyed that our kids will be able to explore their heritage on both sides of the faith and I was so moved by the wonderful Cantor and his amazing traditional sounds.

Better than s3x

I was reading that to transition to full time care the nanny should come in for 3 hours daily for a week so the kids can get used to her. Today our nanny started part time. I finally went through the HUGE pile of papers that needed responding to, paying and filing. Then, oh then, we went to bed. No, not for nookie. To sleep. We cuddled up, I on my side for the first time since my second trimester, snuggled into my husbands shoulder, wrapped in his arms. I slept for 2 solid hours. It was way better than nookie.

BLISS!

Our nanny is amazing, we are so lucky. Within moments of her arrival both kids were swaddled and asleep. She fed BOTH in 30 mins and had them asleep ten mins later. It takes me one hour.

I feel like a spoiled New Yorker with all the help we have but with my opened c-section, the nerve damage I got from the delivery (haven't told that story yet) and the infections (picked up a URI and of course, the wound) I am run the f+ck down. I had a meltdown last night (again) because all I wanted was some TLC and sleep. Ahh, such a delicate flower. I feel refreshed and happy now.

To all the moms out there that have to do all this on their own, with no help, I am in awe of you. You are, without doubt, the unsung hero's our societies.