The kids are amazing. They are both teething - and I mean really teething. 4am this morning, the little miss needed to be held and kissed and wrapped in her special blanket to stop the 'ouch' and even Pip is clingy which means we can't really go too far. So I've put futon mats on the floor, lay a soft duvet on top and we've been laying around reading, skyping with the UK and playing quietly. They both love tummy tickles and head farts (I know, I know) and I really love cuddling.
However, I am depressed still. The exercise helps but I guess this is going to be a thing for a while no matter what I do. DH was surprisingly insightful yesterday, he said I was scared. Sounds straight forward but I hadn't thought of it! He's right. I am scared. I'm scared my career is over. Today I didn't shower for the first time in years and alarm bells went off. However, I have been up most of the night so.... I guess I shall chalk this to babyhood and not the blues.
However, I am depressed still. The exercise helps but I guess this is going to be a thing for a while no matter what I do. DH was surprisingly insightful yesterday, he said I was scared. Sounds straight forward but I hadn't thought of it! He's right. I am scared. I'm scared my career is over. Today I didn't shower for the first time in years and alarm bells went off. However, I have been up most of the night so.... I guess I shall chalk this to babyhood and not the blues.
I guess it must be awfully scary, and depressing, to not have the job you hate to define you. And to have all this spare time to think about it.
ReplyDeleteBut if you had let such obstacles stay in your way to motherhood, you would not have Pip and Mimi now. You will find another job. And you will beat fear and its ugly cousin depression. Don't lose heart. Have more trust in yourself, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
And teething sucks rocks. But this too shall pass.
I second kmina! Your fortitude in having Pip and Mimi tell me enough about your attitude to let me know that you are adaptable, resilient and DETERMINED. Take each day as it comes. I suffer from anxiety and depression as well, and sometimes a small victory can be a big accomplishment. Rome was not built in a day, and finding a new job will not (likely) be done in a day as well. Over time, with fortitude, you will manage your depression and find a job. A job you LIKE! You are a strong mother of two teething toddlers.....I challenge anyone to stand up to you!!
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