no word from CRMI

I am anxiously carrying my phone around with me. I want Mel to call and tell me what to expect, what happens next. I want her to call and tell me I am pregnant but that has to wait a few weeks!

In the meantime I am trying to get my teeth fixed in time. I need a new post and two crowns. I told my dentist that I was on a donor list, that a donor has unexpectedly been found and that I need to finish my teeth ...now! Her responce was that she is taking a ton of time off in July and it might be difficult. Oh. OK then. Arse!!!! If she doesn't do it I am screwed. No other dentist will take a half completed root canal on. I shall hassle them till they give in. I think I have time, in all reality. What is the fastest we gals can be synchronized? Anyone done DE at Cornell? Anyone got any advice?

bliss

I did it again. I went back to bl.iss for another massage. I can't help myself! OMFG seriously wonderful. I had the blis.sedout massage and holy cow, was I blissed out. Still am!

It got me thinking. If the DE doesn't work I am going to a Caribbean spa for a week. I don't care how much it will cost (I shall add it to the pile of IVF bills we already have). It will be the end of us trying to have biologically related off spring and it will be the end of chemically altered states and highly restricted diets, movements and bills! We will move on to adoption. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem at all with adoption. It isn't a consolation prize I'm after.

I want to mark the end of IVF with something glorious, something celebratory. As a couple we will have endured a year of trying times, no intimacy, timed intimacy, stress and more stress for both, emotionally and physically. We will have deserved it. I want to celebrate enduring, surviving and perhaps ... growing.

I want a romantic beach, with plenty of sun soaking and cooling in the sea. I want my body brushed and rubbed and softened and pampered to thank it for getting me through and my soul to be nourished by the relaxation and timetable free, spontaneous intimacy with DH.

imagine that

Happy 4th

In the cab yesterday DH looked over and grinned "we get a packet next week" .. er what? It took me ages to work out he was talking about the Donor Egg match packet that has all our details in it. It's the first sense of excitement I have had from him (which is usual, it takes time). Now he is treating me like I am pregnant and/or 4 years old (practicing to be dad).

I started to worry, fret and all round anxiously nit pick at the fact this is not a done deal. I read blogs of women for whom DE didn't work or hasn't worked. I keep thinking we should be filling out adoption papers just in case. This is how we started IVF . We were more than hopeful. We were confident. DH really thinks this is going to work. He keeps quoting stats and saying things like 'and with the weight loss'...

Do I jump off cliff and hope I can fly? Or do I shuffle along, jumping in the air and have very brief moments of joy but a safe journey???

Today is the anniversary of my first m/c and the start of our journey through IVF. I am in a much better place now than a year ago, not least because of you, the supporters and coaches I have come to rely on.

Happy 4th to you all.

Spahhhhhh

We were going to try and go away this weekend - an island, a beach and some well deserved non medical R&R. Well, my back is still too painful to sit for more than 30 mins, so we didn't.

Instead we are going for a spa treatment. I am going for the deep sea body scrub (I find it as relaxing as a massage with the added benefits of the detox). After which we shall pop into a little local place for a bite to eat. Sounds like a beach holiday without the beach to me!

Because tomorrow is the 4th I went to my weight watchers meeting today. Crazy leader that kept asking one member to attest! Very strange. Anyway, even with the steroids this week I lost 1.4 pounds. I am amazed because this week I have had donuts from A.sia de C.uba (amazing) chocolate and ice cream. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but 1.4 pounds makes me very happy.

Still reeling

I am so frikkin' excited still. A donor!!! I wrote a post about who she was but then I thought, wait, the kids to be don't know yet. So I decided not to go there. What I can say is she is the right age, the right background and she is proven. She decided to donate because her brother and SIL are infertile and they use donor eggs. Twins, they have twins.

I know that DE is not a guarantee my heart is racing and I am totally all over the damn place.

Thank you for all your comments and excitement.It is great to be able to share this.

I was told that we could be in transfer in August depending on the other couple. We get a match packet in a week or so with instructions and timing etc. Of course, I am supposed to visit Europe in August which we may have to cancel but that is a nothing.

This is one of the best feelings in the world.

UPDATE!!

OK two in one day, I know but this is totally worth it

A DONOR !!!!!

Yep Cornell just phoned and they have a donor for us. She sounds great. What a gift! What a strange world - this time last year, to the day, I started m/c.

I can't stop crying.

squeeky wheel

I emailed Cornell yesterday to let them know I have lost weight and please, would they amend my 'sheet' (the sheet that they use to match you). Of course the would. I was then informed that we were on the list as of February 2009. WTF?!? Last I heard it was August 2008! So I calmly followed up (which took some doing since I am on steroids) and it turns out they made a mistake. We are on the list as of August. PHEW.

Match me now, now, now pleeeeeaaase.

Oh and I saw my MRI back images today. I have 3 herniated disks but only one is serious and one ripped something which according to the doc "is painful". NO SHIT SHERLOCK . The great news is that its all redeemable and fixable (sort of) and is a great weight loss motivator.

And I had my post removed today from the reroot canal #2.

Yes, retail therapy was in order and I bought a wonderful, glorious burnt orange shoulder bag. It is nearly as gorgeous as I am.