Sheeee's Back!

PMS oh yes. I realized when I checked the app on my iphone that I have PMS. That is why everything, and I mean everything is overwhelming.

Yes, being unemployed is very stressful and even with the consulting - it totally sucks.  But the crying and depression - its the crazy hormones that I used get every month. Wonder if she is making it back every month from now on? Well she is welcome. OK maybe not. But at least I'm not losing my mind.

I decided that I would take Mimi if I have to go on my own. I asked the multiples network if anyone had taken just one twin away for a week and what had happened. The answers made me lmao. Everyone was like "oh honey, it's wonderful for everyone! They get lots of attention from everyone and you get to look after one baby at a time".

That sounds rather lovely!

So. Whilst I am hormonally challenged right now, I am less given over to the total crapness of it all. Thank you guys for writing a comment. It really helps to know you are out there and reading.

And Maddy - I still can't get on your site!!

It never bloody stops

I'm so beaten down by things going wrong right now. I won't start on the work front cuz you'd be reading for a month.

Lets focus on the british visa issue.
The visa process to take DN to the UK to meet my folks and help me out with a highly stressful situation (older parents etc) has turned into a fucking nightmare. It took three full days to fill out the form and collect hundreds of pages of supporting financial information.

It is very costly - so far about $500 including the agency fee for them to walk the visa through. Well, it got denied. It got denied because she is "working" in the UK.  After multiple phone calls and googling and $40 call to the USELESS embassy we have decided to apply for a domestic worker visa.

If she doesn't get it she can't go. And her air ticket is non refundable. We had to have the bloody ticket for the visa. WTF??????

So another $500 on the visa
plus
if she gets denied another $1000 on a ticket for DH

or

I take one kid and then go back with the other

Which ever way this turns out, we can't afford this and all this expense is totally stressing me out. My hair is falling out and I am in a constant state of panic. I have to take sleeping pills just to get a couple of hours rest.

I need some good luck. Just something to go right. Please.

WALKING!!!!

Mimi has been up and about for a while now and I missed her first steps coz I was working. Pip decided that today was the day for him. There we were, chilling on the carpet and he gets up and toddles over to the nanny. Then he turns around and toddles back to me. And back to DN. And so on, laughing and giggling like a mad man.

So of course, he then started wobbling and staggering all over the apartment.

It was wonderful.

What a great day.

Worst mother ever

I made my kid puke tonight.

Yep. I put her to bed and she started to cry. Now, at 17 months both kids are pretty much mum focused. I wasn't thinking and I just walked out of the room and into our bedroom to try and work on the mountain of clothing in there.

I heard crying and screaming but DH was in there so I figured he would baby whisperer the kids to sleep.

Oh no.


I heard coughing and then ... splat! Oh I hate that noise.

Action station. Change crib sheets, crib bumpers, baby clothing and give bambina quick bath and hair wash.

Lie on floor racked with guilt with very upset baby and hyper active sibling.

Slowly calm everyone down including self, kissing clean baby and signing 'sorry' a thousand times.

Realize kid has already forgotten puking and is wondering why mum hasn't put her into bed yet.



Yeah, I made my daughter puke tonight. Worst. Mum. Ever.


P.S. if you are having trouble posting comments please email me at berryemma@me.com Thanks!

excitement

Looking for a job is hard when you don't fit into the boxes out there.  Everyone tells me how wonderful I am then but so far it's all talk.  So I decided to mix things up a bit. At every interview I tell them that I am consulting (selective clients only) and would be delighted if we could set something up.

It works!

Phew.

So, the trip is going to be covered by various consulting gigs.

Double phew.

And with that relief comes excitement about my trip to blighty. I will get to sleep the whole night through. I will get to swim and work out at the hotel gym. I will get a bed to myself without elderly much loved but batty cats waking me up every twenty minutes to 'play' or the snoring bear next to me! I might even get a whole nights sleep.

Oh yeah and I will see my folks. That as well :-)

keeping the faith

I still don't have a frakkin job. It seems that head hunters are either not interested or able to help me. So I am using all my smarts to meet people and try to create a job.

This is terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

Anyone else been in this position and got any ideas/help?

Added to all this  - my ma's health is stable but not good so we have decided to get over there (to the UK). I got two adult flights and two infant for under 2K which is excellent. Except it's you know, two thousand dollars. How do I know if we bought seats for the kids or these are lap seats? I phoned the airline but they were busy! Seriously a major airline was busy! Since DH can't come I shall be accompanied by DN (darling wonderful nanny). Oh look - more money.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dead. Beat.

I am so tired today. Yesterday I trekked out to NJ to see a friend of mine with the kids. The day started off warm and ended in freezing snow/rain and we were woefully unprepared. Also public transport is idiotically unhelpful to twin mums.

"The elevator is up those stairs and about half a mile that way so you'll miss your train if you try to get it. Better to walk down the stairs" With the double stroller. And the kids. How, exactly Mr officious uniform man?

Needless to say - aching muscles all over my body and dead beat tired.

I wish ... just once... that DH would say "don't worry, I'll take care of the kids, you rest" but he never does, not even when I'm ill. Not even after the C-Section.  So why do I resent him for it?

Pre-skool

Dear lord its complicated. In order to go see a preschool I have had to fill in more paper than when I applied for Uni! I am supposed to pre-book some psych testing. WTF!

It's mute anyway since it looks like we can't afford most of the preschools in the area. They run from $10 - 15K a year for two mornings a week. Now, this to me is an absolute abomination. HOW MUCH!

So I'm back to trying to start something less formal and less expensive but the legal set up is just very complicated which tends to be a bit off putting.

Here's my idea - what do you think?

Three mornings a week (Mon, Wed, Fri) from 10 -12pm.
Rotating topics approach - Art, Math, Science, Dance, Music, etc
Snack and Story time.
Hired instructor for one hour per session.


Location: Either at each other's homes or we club together for a space.
Logistics: We all agree to quarterly budget,  parent/nanny responsibilities and sign a legal waiver.

Happy 2012

Today I had a cup of tea.  A real cup of tea. Oh joy unbounded.  I am better, by Jove, I am better. 

Well.  That Christmas sucked. I think we may have a Chinese New Year party.  I went to 0, count 'em 0, parties this season and I am damned if Mimi's party dresses are going to waste. 

The kids couldn't be less interested in Christmas or Chanukah's presents. Its so funny. They like stacking them but eh, we have stuff, why do we need more?? I guess that might change next year. 

The best present is that my folks are thinking of coming over. They have spoken about this before but the health insurance costs seem to be insanely high. But for all of us to go over there - well, it is thousands of dollars coz we would have to rent a big car, hotel etc. I

Oh and the second best present is that thanks to not eating for weeks I lost another 10 pounds. I am back to my prepreg weight. Yipeeeeeee. My jeans are falling off my arse! I can't find my belts anywhere. Oh well, have to go shopping. 

So whilst the holiday was no darn fun I did get some Santa like experiences. 

Now onto 2012 where...

we win the lottery

OK OK OK 

I get a new job 

I direct some Shakespeare and an original play

The kids start pre-school !!!!

We start looking for our next home

I run a 5K in under 30mins. 

I drop another 30 pounds

I write a book ( been saying that one for years!)

We go on an actual holiday, with beach chairs and suntan lotion

We kick date night up a notch

We see our respective families in the flesh instead of over computers. 

Looks like 2012 is gonna be a blast!!