The national holidays are tough. We have no 'real' family around to celebrate with. My DH's remaining family (a very distant uncle) lives in the CA and of course, my folks are in the UK. We had a lovely time (till I got food poisoning!) but all the same the folks we visit are 'fitting us in' to their family packed weekend.
I can see it in my DH's face, the feeling of loss. He misses his mum even tho she died twenty years ago. He was only 25 at the time and it was a totally unexpected. The day she died he went to his mum's house, climbed into her bed and stayed there for quite some time. On the holiday weekends I can see that immense sadness just behind his eyes. He looks at the kids and there are tears in his eyes. When they are crying and we are tired, I see him wish for a grandparent to come and take up the strain, to tell him that he's doing OK and it will all be fine.
His dad died about ten years ago. Although they lived close to one another in those final years, his father was very distant. I can't write too much about him because I'm too angry at his treatment of Dh.
Of course, Pip and Mimi are filling his heart more and more everyday. Mimi crawled forwards this weekend and he acted like she just learnt to write Russian! Pip just loves his dad. They make faces and farting noises all day long. My boys.
I hope that one day, his love and our love and the kids love will temper the depth of loss of his parents. Unlock it and help it fade. I doubt it though. I think grief is something we build on, not disassemble.
I can see it in my DH's face, the feeling of loss. He misses his mum even tho she died twenty years ago. He was only 25 at the time and it was a totally unexpected. The day she died he went to his mum's house, climbed into her bed and stayed there for quite some time. On the holiday weekends I can see that immense sadness just behind his eyes. He looks at the kids and there are tears in his eyes. When they are crying and we are tired, I see him wish for a grandparent to come and take up the strain, to tell him that he's doing OK and it will all be fine.
His dad died about ten years ago. Although they lived close to one another in those final years, his father was very distant. I can't write too much about him because I'm too angry at his treatment of Dh.
Of course, Pip and Mimi are filling his heart more and more everyday. Mimi crawled forwards this weekend and he acted like she just learnt to write Russian! Pip just loves his dad. They make faces and farting noises all day long. My boys.
I hope that one day, his love and our love and the kids love will temper the depth of loss of his parents. Unlock it and help it fade. I doubt it though. I think grief is something we build on, not disassemble.
