The best of who we are.

This week has royally sucked. Two dear bloggie friends have suffered unimaginable loss and my heart was wrenched in two by their experiences. Both are graceful, amazing women that ought to be celebrated as the best of who we are.
On a personal note, work was awful. Lots and lots of the wrong kind of stress. Long days where I kiss my kids as they sleep in the morning and return home to stand gazing at them,  wondering if they have missed not seeing me at all. But I have kids. And they are safe. And I am so grateful for every second of that.

Today was better. Now its time to grab a few hours sleep before I go away on another f**cking business trip.

Twins and marriage

Every book ever written on marriage with twins says the same thing - your marriage will be tested. I examined our life together and tried to prepare for this. And yet. I am failing at either finding a balance between my expectations of what needs to get done or I have unrealistic expectations of my partner.

My level of frustration is getting higher with each moment of action not taken, responsibility shrugged or jobs ignored. I feel less and less attracted to a man that acts like a boy. I do not want this resentment in my life or marriage. I have seen what it can do and I wish with all my heart not to stumble into that bleak future.

He speaks about his emotions and expresses love for myself and the kids. I need to see him act on those intentions. I need to see him physically doing things in service to our life, our home and our family.

What can I do? What has worked for you? I need your thoughts on this one.