After hitting 'Publish Post' yesterday I almost changed my mind and deleted the post. So glad I didn't. Your words were very, very helpful.
When I saw my DH last night I felt so guilty about the post. I also felt love.
We did talk. Actually I talked and I think he may have heard some of it. I'd come to the realization that he has to shatter parts of his personality in order to make the changes he needs to make. The fact that I want him to change pains me but not enough for me to accept those parts of him.
I was a little teary through the discussion. I remember saying "what's most painful is the realization that you don't look after me". He looked so confused, shocked and resigned. Then he fell asleep! He does that. When there is an emotional pow wow he falls asleep.
A little later he asked if I felt better to have talked about how I feel, which I know means he didn't get all this. He thinks I'm upset and it'll pass. He doesn't hear like most people. It'll have to be said again and again and each time it'll be painful.
One thing I know. I love him and he loves me. We love our kids. If this is it, if this is as good as it gets ... it's not perfect but being loved is immense.
When I saw my DH last night I felt so guilty about the post. I also felt love.
We did talk. Actually I talked and I think he may have heard some of it. I'd come to the realization that he has to shatter parts of his personality in order to make the changes he needs to make. The fact that I want him to change pains me but not enough for me to accept those parts of him.
I was a little teary through the discussion. I remember saying "what's most painful is the realization that you don't look after me". He looked so confused, shocked and resigned. Then he fell asleep! He does that. When there is an emotional pow wow he falls asleep.
A little later he asked if I felt better to have talked about how I feel, which I know means he didn't get all this. He thinks I'm upset and it'll pass. He doesn't hear like most people. It'll have to be said again and again and each time it'll be painful.
One thing I know. I love him and he loves me. We love our kids. If this is it, if this is as good as it gets ... it's not perfect but being loved is immense.
