Growing up I was quite outdoorsy. Weren't we all back then! I was an avid venture scouter - free weekend outdoor fun.
Since moving to the states I was prettified of going anywhere near the real outdoors. If I hiked I did so out of season when it was cold enough to kill any living thing.
Well, this weekend we all went camping. Now, granted we had a cabin but it was four walls and a floor type cabin. We still needed all the usual crap of sleeping bags and backpacks galore. I love all the crap that you have to take. I love the hooks and water bottles and torches.
We were by a river, in the woods and each day we would get up, have a lazy breakfast, then hike hike hike. The little ones might be short but damn they can walk.
We had a campfire at night and ate s'mores (a first for me - how have I lived this long and not had them before) and at night, as the kids fell asleep on their awesome travel beds (lightweight, no fuss and keeps them off the ground) I could smell the wood smoke in their hair.
I may have overdone the anti mosquite stuff but when I was a kid the worst you could get was a little mossie bite.
Snakes, bears, mosquito's the size of tents, buzzies and of course ticks.
Did we get a tick ride along? Of course.
When we got home I checked every inch of those kids. EVERY INCH. And there it was. Hidden in a crook on my little fella. I grabbed the tweezers and went to work. FREAKING OUT ALL THE TIME.
Seriously. I just don't get why it's so hard to go camping. I got it and washed the area and then wiped it with alcohol. I shall ask sn to take him in to the docs tomorrow just to make sure.
Now its over and I googled the facts - only 1 - 3% chance if an infection and even then its treatable - shall I go back on my 'hell no camping' promise? Yeah. I think so. Although the kids will be hermetically sealed from the neck down for the entire trip.
Mr Man along. NOt your camping type of fella but he did to be with the kids and that in my book is a good guy.
So, a lovely memory making weekend. Now it's time for True Blood.
Hope you are all doing well.
Since moving to the states I was prettified of going anywhere near the real outdoors. If I hiked I did so out of season when it was cold enough to kill any living thing.
Well, this weekend we all went camping. Now, granted we had a cabin but it was four walls and a floor type cabin. We still needed all the usual crap of sleeping bags and backpacks galore. I love all the crap that you have to take. I love the hooks and water bottles and torches.
We were by a river, in the woods and each day we would get up, have a lazy breakfast, then hike hike hike. The little ones might be short but damn they can walk.
We had a campfire at night and ate s'mores (a first for me - how have I lived this long and not had them before) and at night, as the kids fell asleep on their awesome travel beds (lightweight, no fuss and keeps them off the ground) I could smell the wood smoke in their hair.
I may have overdone the anti mosquite stuff but when I was a kid the worst you could get was a little mossie bite.
Snakes, bears, mosquito's the size of tents, buzzies and of course ticks.
Did we get a tick ride along? Of course.
When we got home I checked every inch of those kids. EVERY INCH. And there it was. Hidden in a crook on my little fella. I grabbed the tweezers and went to work. FREAKING OUT ALL THE TIME.
Seriously. I just don't get why it's so hard to go camping. I got it and washed the area and then wiped it with alcohol. I shall ask sn to take him in to the docs tomorrow just to make sure.
Now its over and I googled the facts - only 1 - 3% chance if an infection and even then its treatable - shall I go back on my 'hell no camping' promise? Yeah. I think so. Although the kids will be hermetically sealed from the neck down for the entire trip.
Mr Man along. NOt your camping type of fella but he did to be with the kids and that in my book is a good guy.
So, a lovely memory making weekend. Now it's time for True Blood.
Hope you are all doing well.
I think your blog is very inspiring! Especially for women over 40. Life really doesn’t end in 40-50! It’s only the beginning! You’re absolutely right! It's never too late to become a mother. I know it from my own experience. I gave birth to my daughters when I was 61! During my whole life there were no man to have kids with. I was not really lucky in choosing partners and there were no one whom I wanted to have kids from. So here I am, 58 years old, no kids no family. I thought that it's too late for all these. So I came to terms with the situation and continue my lonely life. But in a couple of months I met my Jorge - the love of my whole life, a man who loved me with his whole heart, a man, whom I gave all my love. All those failures in love were just wiped out and forgotten. Now I have him and nothing else matters. He was 63, he also had no kids. We understood and felt each other from the first meeting. And we've decided that it's time for us to build a family, which we had never had! I have menopause so we were not able to conceive a baby naturally. We didn't back down and decided to try ivf with donor egg. We've found clinic in Ukraine BioTexCom and went there. We became parents of 2 beautiful girls! They are 3 years old and we are the happiest family in the world! The service was good, their doctors are one of the best. They even helped us with our girls, when they were just born. Jorge and I were confused, we had no kids so we were scared to make something wrong. We didn't want to hurt our little babies. We didn't know how to hold our children and how to swaddle them, but the pediatrician and the coordinator of the program really helped us and showed how to do it right. They gave us recommendations how to treat our babies and we are really grateful about that. I've never regret about my decision. Finally I have big family I was dreaming about. I wish you and your boys all the best!
ReplyDeleteDear barren women,
ReplyDeleteAccept the fact that children are a privilege, and remind yourself that many people live happy and fulfilling lives without parenthood.
You have the necessary alternatives, like adoption, to fulfil the desire, and your mental frustration can be resolved if you rid yourself of your toxic feelings of entitlement. You can be happy without children, but not if you’ve convinced yourself that you were meant to have them. Human beings can adjust to unbelievable hardships, as long as they accept that life doesn’t owe them anything.
Not having children is a very minor problem compared to what some people endure, and the fact that it requires the creation of another person without their consent should be adequate proof that it isn’t a right. Yet by identifying as “infertile” you’ve chosen to align yourself with a group of women who view parenthood as a human right. Saying that you are “desperate” for a baby sends the same message, as though a baby was a basic human entitlement like food.
The maternal instincts of humans are strong, but they are not outside of your control. You can satisfy your desire for parenthood and nurturing by adopting, just like everyone else who finds themselves infertile at the time. It is only to be expected that you’ll have moments when you long for a biological child, but you decide if you will allow yourself to wallow in your longing or if you will focus on finding more productive ways to spend your time.
If you are truly depressed then it isn’t because you are infertile, but the belief that you are being denied something that you are entitled to could contribute to your problems. It’s not infertility in itself that will hurt your emotional health, it’s the way you think about parenthood. A lot of the same women who identify as "involuntary childless" are the same ones who define femininity by motherhood, and with that attitude, not having children begins to equal not being a woman – and that idea could contribute to a crisis.
I want to make one thing absolutely clear: If you believe that you are suffering from depression, you need to seek help from a professional. If you used the word “depressed” more colloquially to say that you feel sad and unhappy, you may still want to discuss your feelings with a therapist, but sadness and frustration would be a normal response to being robbed of something that you view as a human right. That is obviously not what is happening to you, but emotionally you will respond to events as you experience them as opposed to how to they really took place.
Infertiles often talk about discrimination and stigma. Natural selection declares that not every single individual is supposed to reproduce. Infertiles do not want to accept this, so they choose to believe that women are being denied something in an act of discrimination. Being the victim of discrimination multiple times a day, being denied something that you are entitled to, and watching as everyone else but you experiences what you want would be extremely upsetting. That’s not what’s going on though, so happiness can be found by shedding your voluntary delusions.
You are not entitled to children, you don’t deserve to create and own a living creature, and the fact that nature itself has declared this speaks volumes to that. You do not need children, and you can be happy without them.