First pregnancy clothes.

My suit looks somewhat hilarious. The shoulder and cut is way too big since I have lost weight but around my middle a shelf has formed (ass and belly in perfect orbness) so the middle looks tight.
So I went out and bought some 'expandable' pants. One size up from my normal but they fit around my waist, which is all I care about. What in the world am I going to wear to work when I am really preggers!

Feeling quite good. Less depressed for sure, still a little anxious but I am also calmer. Had a lovely time talking to the twins today whilst snuggled up with my cats. I'm even thinking of having a bath, my first one. For some reason I am scared of having a bath? I heard if the water is too hot you could miscarriage and since I have no idea how hot is too hot... I have avoided my lovely bath.
Any ideas?

We started planning.
I spoke with my close friends today and told them. I asked for help - something I NEVER DO - when the baby/babies are born (taking nothing for granted these days). Everyone was so cool - one is going to be the food monitor and bring meals, another has a car and will do all the running around for us, another has twin experience and will baby sit whilst I go have a bath or rest. I love my friends! They knew something was up since I have been MIA for 9 weeks.

DH and I have decided on a night nurse in the beginning. Then a nanny. I am looking for a nanny that follows the English method and have found a training center here in the states (http://www.nanny-governess.com/). Not cheap but I am very keen to get someone qualified in child development (since we have no family to help us and one adult in the apartment needs to know what is going on).

I'm only 9 weeks and worrying about all this already. This may be a very long pregnancy!!!

looks like its twins..

The war of spine docs vs baby docs is coming to a close. Looks like we are going ahead with twins. How do I feel? One moment elated the next absolutely terrified and planning how to run away.

We saw one of them wiggling around today (9w3d) s/he was dancing for all their might. We just laughed in astonishment. The other was kind of wiggling back and forth. No decision is being made on the CVS until I see my OB on the 11th. Dr J said my OB liked to paint the worst picture. YIKES. I think I shall set my expectations at the beginning and see if she can understand.

As the war comes to a close I feel a little less anxious and depressed. I can discern work anxiety from baby anxiety, which is good. Work anxiety is pretty high but I just have to try to control it. What ever happens this week at our big finance meeting, I must remember that I am highly employable. If this is not the right place for me for whatever reason - I shall move on. Moving on is always a good thing if done with care and attention. Staying put isn't too much of a big deal either. (this is me positive talking to myself).

DH has accepted full responsibility for operation 'where the frig are we putting two babies in this apartment'. Should be interesting. Our RE office is next to a UES baby shop. We spent a few minutes gazing in the window, smiling.


Well it's 2.30 pm, my morning sickness should be kicking in pretty soon so I shall go lie down.

cvs?

I spoke with a health care practitioner today and she advised against cvs, which threw me a little. She said she knew of too many women that had had a miscarriage. Wait for the amnio, she said.
What do you guys think??

DH and I were just thinking about where to go for our 'babymoon'. We live in NYC and want to go somewhere by train. He wants to go to Washington DC (sounds a bit too walky for me). Ideas needed please!!

9 weeks

Today, I am 9 weeks.

I am tired

I am moody

I am a wee bit depressed (my psychopharma thinks its the progesterone)

I am having a little tiny bit of bleeding but not too much

We get to see A&B on Saturday (hopefully)


I went to see a psych doctor yesterday that has twins of her own. She didn't want to increase my anti-depressant until I am off the progesterone and my blood volume has increased. Then she will consider upping the amount. She asked me how I felt about having twins and I told her about waiting to hear from my back guys if they consider me OK to carry twins. It was great to be able to explain my reservations and anxiety to someone.
Then we went to our couples therapist who I think is mad that we are having twins. She seemed mad by the time we left her office even though she had offered to help us through etc. It may have been my husband yawning and acting the ass through the session. He has a total inability to be in a conversation that is difficult. She gave us this very detailed visual about what the first two years are like using Mount Everest. At the end of it my husband says " i saw something about Everest on tv"

WHAT!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??????

I also think our shrink thinks that between the two of us we are mad to even contemplate something as emotionally demanding as twins. She's probably right. But it's a little too late now!!

I have spoken to many people who have twins and they all say the same thing. It's madness in the beginning but I wouldn't trade it for the world. That is what I am trying to think about.

Oops

So over the past two weeks I have been eating. Sandwiches mostly but those 400 calorie types from Pret A Manger (aged cheddar and chutney, roast beef and mustard). I eat two a day at work plus an apple & cheese plus some almonds then at home I have a meal of something like rice and beef or chicken. I round the day off with cookies and milk. I am aware that too much weight gain is a bad thing so I am eating 'clean' foods.

Somehow, and I know not how, I have lost weight!!! I am now 5 pounds down not up from when I started trying to gain weight. I added an almond croissant to the mix today but I am not loving the smell of it right now ;-|

I think I'm losing muscle mass. My jeans don't really fit and my thighs are on super spreading mode. I sit down and take up twice as much space! I think a little toning exercise might be a good thing - light swimming. And maternity clothing shopping this weekend - I need a pair of work pants!!

No more bleeding since Sunday which I am hoping is a good thing. And the abruption was very tiny so lets hope its all resolved by Saturday when we see them again. I am getting tons of pinching at the sides but that is fine according to 'what to expect..'

Oh! and the big news. I told my boss yesterday. I thought it was wise for job security and all that. He has 21 year old twins and was really pleased for me, which was nice. He said "hey sit down, off your feet". Then told me I could travel the night before to out of town meetings so I get rest! Gee thanks. I'm not sure what this year will bring on the work front but as long as I can keep the income rolling in to cover the costs of all the baby making and baby having- -all will be well. I don't love my job and I miss team work and being part of a creative environment. But at least I am earning.

It was really really really odd to say the word 'pregnant' out loud. "I have some news I wanted to share with you, I'm pregnant" Ha!! good lord still sounds like I am lying!

Placental Abruption

I googled it - not too good. However, it was a tiny abruption and we shall see on Saturday if it has increased. Not sure what it means to the other fetus. Don't think it is an increase in risk but hell, what do I know.

I am eating like crazy. Every 2 hours I eat. It really does help with the nausea. But my hips are expanding at an alarming rate!!!

I phoned around for an high risk OBGYN yesterday. Quite amusing how, in NY, it's as if they are doing you a favor by taking you on! One cornell group don't accept any insurance but "you can get reimbursed by you insurance company". Oh can I? Gosh that's terrific. I have to wait 9 months to submit (when hopefully I will have newborn/s) and then I have to battle with the insurance company to get 70% back. NO THANKS LADY

I did find a high risk doc at Cornell that was recommended by a friend. The earliest appointment I could get was February 11. So I am with the crazy Pole till then. I just learnt that Dr J put a patient on modified bed rest at 10 weeks. hahahahahahahahahahaha. Not happening here honey. I would go totally mad.

8 weeks and a bit

The bleeding was due to a little bit of placenta detaching. It's something to watch, according to Dr J, and I was treated to extra shots of PIO. The placenta that detached was from the weaker baby so Dr J did say that this might be a sign of things to come. Or not. I go back on Thursday. And Saturday if there is any more bleeding.

The depression is definitely lifting and my shrink thinks it was withdrawal from pain meds mixed with all the stress, that sent me into a tailspin. I have to see her more frequently until she is certain I am ok. My psychopharmacologist is on Wednesday and she has had twins so I hoping to get some more sage advice. (The difference between the two practitioner's is one is a medical doctor that does psychology and the other is psychologist and therefore can't prescribe).

I have to say, it is nice to be back at work. I am sick of the sight of my apartment. I'm tired and cranky but that is normal for me so no-ones suspects anything! I do find it weird not to yell for a coffee or run out to *$ every hour! Oh a cappuccino. With extra foam. ohhhhhhh.

I'm not panicky about baby b. Since we have never really got this far before I am grateful for every day I have them. I know there are risks and I know my luck, so I am kinda resigned to something happening but I am trying to find peace with everything that is and might happen. Its the only way to enjoy this pregnancy. And not get locked up in a mental ward!